Last night’s premiere episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta was alllll about Apollo Nida. And let’s just get one thing out of the way first: Apollo looks fiiiiiine with that full beard! (I know – there is something wrong with me. I admit that).
It’s sentencing day for Apollo but Phaedra Parks is nowhere to be found. She strapped on her beehive and fled to Augustus, GA with their sons, Ayden and Dylan. Phaedra tells her mother she doesn’t want her sons exposed to the situation and there are paparazzi outside their house. In reality Phaedra is pissed – whole ‘nother level pissed – and rightfully so!
Over at Phaedra’s house, the remodel is looking fabulous, and the paparazzi are… invisible! Only Apollo, that beard, making some eggs when his brother shows up. His brother?! Wha… never would have expected a goofy white kid to be the brother of Apollo. Apollo admits that what he did was wrong, but not that wrong – I mean it can be fixed! Apparently he has been sipping from the Teresa Giudice denial juice, comes in two sparkling flavors: Whaddyagonnado? and At The End Of The Day…
It’s hard to believe there was so much drama on season 6 of The Real Housewives Of Atlanta. It’s hard to imagine there will BE so much drama on this seventh season of Real Housewives Of Atlanta!
Of course, I cannot wait – I am literally already clutching my wine glass in anticipation. Squeeee! With that being said, let’s recap all the goods from season 6 so we’re reminded afresh of who hates who, what caused what friction. And of course, Mirror, Mirror on the wall – whose the shadiest of them all?!
Farrah Abraham is moving on up the porn ladder. The fired Teen Mom star is making bank hawking coochie molds and stripper shows and ‘sex tapes’ and has decided to sell her Austin, TX home which was featured on the MTV special ‘Being Farrah‘.
Anyway, Farrah’s home features enough bedrooms to store all of her accolades of grand delusion. The 3,310 home built in 2011 boasts 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, a gourmet kitchen, 2 garages, and a private casita (for filming your next sex tape!). It is located in the coveted Lake Travis school district in an exclusive luxury subdivision. All of this can be yours for $750,000! Farrah was originally asking $780,000 but recently did a price reduction. It’s been on the market 14 days and if you’re in the Austin area, we implore you PUH-LEASE attend Farrah’s open house this weekend!
Instead of spending more time in therapy, Josh made things up to Kristen by buying her new boobs for their anniversary. The couple just completed 1o blissful years together and decided to celebrate by filming a vow renewal for Real Housewives Of New York. Didn’t we already have one of those when Ramona Singer re-pledged her love to Mario? Well, we know how that turned out!
Last night was the second installment of the Real Housewives Of New Jersey reunion. I don’t want to go into the stupidness that is stupid Teresa Giudice and her stupid financial nonsense and stupid decisions that made her go to jail. I mean damn, read what you sign, ask questions if you don’t understand – hello!
The most laughable comment from the whole reunion was Teresa trying to convince us that she’s usually a very conscientious-y type of person who “always dots her ‘I’s and crosses her ‘T’s.” First of all, she knows two letters in the alphabet? Bet they were both used a lot in the PLEA AGREEMENT Teresa didn’t read, but signed. Second of all, if you were a routine “i” dotter or a “t” crosser you’d not get indicted for bankruptcy fraud or sign fake W-2s because you’d actually make sure the people you hire, like your accountant, are doing their jobs! And finally – I’m frankly surprised Teresa was able to use that expression correctly. I would fully expect her to say something like “I’m the type-a person who crosses eyes and dots my teacup, with you know, fabulicious teas – coming soon!”
Let’s just say this, Denial is the longest river in New Jersey. The river of denial flows right out of Melissa Gorga‘s $3.8 million Montville mansion (where they had the big ol’ plumbing disaster and the leaky pipes and the plastic sink) and it roars down the hill into the chicken coops of Teresa and Joe’s purloined marble encrusted converted trailer, built at the base of Mount Tackiola. Now for sale, delusion included in purchase price!
Tom 1 is hurt by James because they used to be buddies, they made beeeaaauteeefoool music together guys, but then James screwed Tom 1 over for Kristen. And did him dirty.
“I have every reason not to like James. I walked in on him and Kristen hooking up at my place when Kristen was supposed to be moving out and he was supposed to be moving in,” Tom 1 revealed. “I later found out that they had used my bed and that James had lied to Kristen about me to get her into my bed!”
Dina and Jacqueline have already spent oodles and oodles of time telling us how they feel on twitter, through the haze of wine and cat hair, each of them accuses the other of lying. Unfortunately 140 characters (even when you tweet over and over again!) just isn’t enough. I do wish we could limit wine and delusion in the same manner we limit twitter type-age, although it’s usually user-abuse that causes the issues (i.e. tweeting constantly.).
Real Housewives has become synonymous with faux riches and bankruptcy! And some girls are going bust before they ever pretend to play rich on TV! Claudia Jordan just joined Real Housewives Of Atlanta, and she’s already dealt with a shady financial past! Which means that hopefully she has learned from her mistakes and won’t be repeating them! No amount of ‘Red Bottoms’ is worth a day in court!
In 2012 Claudia filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy. The former Celebrity Apprentice cast member admits that bad borrowing, coupled with loss of employment and a divorce put her into that mess. Well at least it wasn’t shoes! Or $100,000 worth of furniture… “I definitely had money and lost it all and got it back, lost it all again and now I’m on the upswing,” Claudia admits. “I was a victim of some predatory loans.”
While a court order dismissed her bankruptcy after one month, Claudia says that her financial pitfall, on top of an annulment and Deal Or No Deal being canceled took her to a very dark place emotionally.