Throwback Thursday time! A long, long time ago in the dawning of a televised civilization when reality TV was a zygote in the mind of an executive, Kenya Moore descended upon the Miss USA stage coated in sequins and smiles.
It was an era of videotapes and grainy pictures, of televisions so enormously heavy two strong men couldn't carry them into a living room. It was the time of hammer pants and music actually being played on MTV. It was a society where AquaNet reigned supreme. And until Beyonce quoted her at the Super Bowl, it was a young, undercover crazy Kenya's crowning moment.
Behold: Before They Were Famous – Real Housewives of Atlanta edition! Below is footage from Kenya's epic crowning 1993 moment. There were no twirls. No one shrieked "Gone With The Wind Fabulous!" The sheen of desperation hadn't settled permanently into her skin and Kenya glistened with promise and opportunity.
In short, Krayonce hadn't been born. Miss WHO-S-A indeed! Get it girl! And credit where credit is due, Kenya looks great and that seriously was an amazing accomplishment. Beyonce never looked so good.
For someone who has been whining about wanting to get her divorce over with, you would think that Kim Kardashian would, you know, stop fighting it and just concede. But then who would she and her family slam constantly in the media if it weren't for Kris Humphries?
The Kourtney & Kim Take Miami star has been pressing her estranged husband to finalize divorce so both can go about their lives. Kim's latest reason for wanting to end her marriage quickly: it's harming her pregnancy.
Kim is claiming divorce is too stressful for her unborn baby. Her doctor, borrowing a tactic from Lindsey Lohan, is allegedly saying the reality star who is jet-setting all over the world as Kanye West's baby mama can't handle the stress of being exposed as a fraud in the media litigation and was having "severe pains" the other night as a result. Maybe that was indigestion from all the McDonald's she's been eating… check her Twitter!
Kenya Moore has made much ado about how people confuse her for Beyonce and to prove their similarities, Krayonce recently released a song called "Gone With The Wind Fabulous."
Following her epic Super Bowl half-time performance, Inside Edition asked Beyonce how she felt about the big show. Her response: "Gone With The Wind Fabulous" and she added a twirl and a smirk. Video proof is below!
Marisa's Bravo blog about Monday's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills episode upset Yolanda, whom Marisa calls out for being "pristine" and "perfect." While it's not exactly a scathing critique, Yolanda obviously took offense because she lambasted Marisa on twitter!
Poor Marisa, like Yolanda, seems to be having trouble adjusting to all the catty drama and perhaps it's putting her on edge at social functions. The blog issues erupted because Marisa spilled wine all over her $5,000 white dress while in Vegas.
"I thought we may finally enjoy a dinner without a fight breaking out. How naive of me to think it was possible to have a civilized dinner with these women, right?," Marisawrites.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules we were treated to Stassi Schroeder's deployment of a new identity and further examples of her meteoritic dissension into crazy fameho of monstrous (monster being the operative word!) proportions.
Apparently no one at Sur ever leaves Sur. It's a vortex of incest or something and I am deeply concerned for the safety of their public restrooms. I would advise our poor Lisa Vanderpump to make STD tests mandatory among the staff. It is a matter of public health. Call the CDC, peeps! And get these souls on match.com – they need to date in the outside world!
So Stassi has left Jax Taylor for Frank. And Jax has a sit-down at the Barbie mansion-come-to-life known as Lisa's house to piteously cry about his egregious behavior in Vegas. For shame, these waxed and buffed specimens parading as menz took their shirts off and pretended to fight. That fighting was reminiscent of a New Kids On The Block video! And Jax still loooorves dear Stassi Staph Infection, but knows he must release her into the wilds.
Well since Bernie Guzman (aka Chef Bernie) is more desperate for 15 minutes of fame than I am for wine on tap and an unlimited french fry buffet, he's of course rushing to Adrienne's favorite tabloid RadarOnline to rebuttal.
“Paul is a 50-year-old man acting like a little boy,” Berniewhines. “He is trying to silence the violence and I’m not going to let him.” Bernie claims he is now the voice of domestic violence and he will fight this lawsuit.
Last night while watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I came to an important realization. I now understand why these women never eat and how they manage to stay so thin. If every time you sat down at a dinner table a massive fight broke out wouldn't you have dinner-induced trauma and be reduced to guzzling wine instead? They probably all go home and stuff microwaved popcorn in their faces while standing over the kitchen sink and ruminating about the days before they sold their souls to Bravo. But hey – at least those size 2s fit!
Yesterday's episode was more of the same. Same arguments, same players, same storyline, same snarky recapper wanting to hurl things at the screen. It started out OK, as it always seems to, but then quickly degenerated into the congealed, fetid remains of last night's dinner. Even Yolanda Foster was reduced to drinking tequila.
Most of the girls were in Vegas watching in awe as Brandi Glanville's legs twined around a stripper pole and slid gracefully to the floor. "Welcome to Night School For Girls!" she announced popping up with 3/4 of her boob also popping out. Splits Richards makes an important mental note to have Mauricio hypnotized into thinking Brandi is a revolting, wretched, shit-stirring drama queen again. He must not fall under her spell!
“@kylerichards18 is about to kill me for twitting this photo but can you blame me. So beautiful,” Mauricio wrote. Kyle immediately freaked and told him to get that off the internet! “OMG @MauricioUmansky KILL. our kids are on twitter #notcool.”
Mauricio deleted the photo after a day or so. Luckily we're fast with the screenshot trigger finger.
[Photo Credit: Twitter]
SO, TELL US – WHAT DO YOU THINK OF KYLE'S TOO-RACY-FOR-TWITTER SWIMMING POOL SHOT?