TheVanderpump Rules crew is still in Cabo celebrating our day of national reckoning; a day where dysfunction is recognized as a peril in great need of attention.
This day is also known as Stassi Schroeder's birthday. While in her mind this day is as important as the day of Jesus' birth, for the rest of humanity it is a day that we remain buried under our covers and asking where it all went so wrong. I blame her mother – it's always the mother's fault, right?!
Anyway things in Cabo are going bad, bad, bad because right in the middle of Stassi's birthday dinner, before anyone remember to order Stassi an appetizer or a drink, Katie Maloney and Tom 2 erupt into an argument about who's more of a moron. Can we call a draw?
Katie flees the table in what can only be described as a pair of pantyhose recycled into a dress. It was a flesh-colored poncho, it was frightful. Maybe it was flesh eating and that explains her sheer stupidity as her brain was a casualty of it's voraciousness. Also it matched her hair.
Kim Richards' daughter Kimberly graduated from high school and Kim is hosting a big celebration party for her. To prepare Kim, Kyle Richards, Kimberly and one of Kyle's daughters meet up for manicures. And Kyle needs a bikini wax. Kim announces her "wiener" has already been waxed and is looking cute. Kim should probably just go ahead and call it a "whiner" instead.
Kyle prefers to label hers a "tweeter" because <stage whisper> 'vagina' is yucky. It's times like this I wish Brandi Glanville would pop up in the corner of the screen yelling, "VAGINA, Kyle – VAGINA!" just to make Kyle smack her with a caftan after covering her eyes with a haircape.
A salon employee tells Kyle she can have her tweetiewiener dyed. Kyle Freudian Slips and thinks the lady told her to put her vagina on a "diet". But! It's a size 4! Kim's tweeter is a size 0 because it hasn't been eating anything – well nothing except a little "lipstick" she elaborated. How many weight watchers points does a tweeter get?
Joyce Giraud and Brandi Glanville do. not. like each other. According to Joyce the two initially started off friendly-ish but then Brandi began stirring the pot and manipulating behind the scenes by using Joyce as the scapegoat.
First of all, Joyce says she had no intention of fighting with Brandi in interviews and on blogs while the show was airing. "When filming ended we were all in a better place and then after that she just started attacking again on social media," Joyce recounts, "which I think is crazy."
"I understand the dynamic of the show, and that it's dramatic and all of that," Joyce clarifies. For Joyce this season and filming with Brandi was a surreal experience with a lot of learning moments. "I've never dealt with behavior like hers before – it's just something that I wasn't used to," she explains.
Joyce also insists that the two started off getting along, but since all roads lead back to Richards their fighting started with Kyle and Kim.
Color me surprised (or not given that this is reality TV) but Abby Lee Miller filed for bankruptcy in December 2010.
Luckily for Abby her Dance Moms revenue saved her – she sure owes Kelly and Christi now. Back when Abby filed she alleged assets of $325k including her dance studio, but was underwater for more than $400k.
According to TMZ, most of Abby's debt stemmed from mortgages and taxes. She had a $245k mortgage that went into default and an additional $106k debt attached to her dance studio.
Part of me feels sorry for Dr. Jenn Berman because it seems she bit off more than she can chew with her "celebrity" "clients" this season. Meaning some of these so-called celebrities are actual messes who need like for-real therapy and not the made for TV Couples Therapy kind.
First of all, Dr. Jenn insists that although Taylor's behavior was terrible it ended up having some positives.
"When they went bowling, unfortunately things got a little out of control, which was unexpected and hasn’t happened before. In a certain way it was unfortunate but it ended up giving me really important material to work with in therapy because I got to see a side of Taylor in particular that was really important for me to see and to address. You’ll see the therapy that resulted out of this in episode three and it was really a huge breakthrough."
New TNT reality show Private Lives of Nashville Wives promises to be explosive and insane. Featuring six high-profile ladies who are either married to country music royalty or lead their own very dynamic lives, this show will follow in the footsteps of their Real Housewives counterparts.
We already introduced you to wives Erika Page White, Cassie Chapman, Jenny Terrell, Sarah Davidson and identical twins Ana Fernandez and Betty Malo, but the trailer for the first season was just unveiled.
Phaedra Parks is still reeling over Chuck-gate. Lest you forget he accused her of being a member of the Big Homie Team. As it turns out the only thing big about Chuck is his forehead and his ego. He's actually more like a little homie, or as Phaedra tells Kandi Burruss: "bitesized brownies and a cocktail sausage." Ouch.
Kandi is shocked that Chuck would classify their relationship so falsely, I'm shocked her chunky little dog is eating Pringles. Seriously – what adult purchases Pringles? Phaedra wonders if Kandi's dog needs a Colt 45 to go with his "ghetto" snack. She also calls Chuck a pig. Because he is one.