Last night I had a nightmare; a giant wig was taking over, smothering me with it's synthetic polyester strands and reeking of olive oil and burnt hair. It emerged from a microwave waving a cigarette in my face. It's tendrils grabbing at me like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, smothering me and whispering 'Biiiiig Poooopa. Don't Be Taaaardy for Biiiig Pooooppppa!' I couldn't escape! It was horrible! It was so frightening. I woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. That really happened. And it was called the premiere of Don't Be Tardy: When Wigs Attack. Otherwise known as the Wigs-N-Cigs Variety Show!
So Kim Zolciak-Biermann invaded our screens again last night and the more things change the more they stay the same, eh. In the two-episode series premiere things open with Kim popping out Baby Kash. Yes, she was wearing a wig and stage make-up in the delivery room. No, she did not put down her phone even while crowning. And worst of all, Kroy Biermann was pigging out on fast food while she was having contractions. And that's how Kash emerged forth into the universe. Immediately before giving birth Kim starts directing her daughters to pick up a massive order of ravioli and frappuccinos. And cigarettes and wine.
NeNe accused Phaedra of being in cahoots with Kim Zolciak and Sheree Whitfield, with Phaedra seeming like the mastermind because she had a previous acquaintanceship with NeNe's sisters. NeNe was furious and Phaedra was oddly demure, which seemed like an omission of guilt. I've heard gossip about this situation for two years now and I have my own opinions (OPINIONS, people) which I'll share below, but let's hear some alleged behind-the-scene scoops on what went on!
Kim also wants a judge to toss out the lawsuit claiming it has no merit according to TMZ. Kim is adamant that not only has she already fairly compensated Kandi for her services, but she paid in excess by $6,000! Kim also insists that Kandi doesn't even believe her own suit as she is simply attempting to pull a Sheree and use the courts to get attention.
All Things Real Housewives reports that this season the subject of Albert's extramarital activities will be under scrutiny. “Women are coming forward revealing Albert cheats on Caroline,” a source reveals. “It has gotten to the point where it was unavoidable and had to be addressed on-camera.”
On last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County we met new girl Lydia McLaughlin. Lydia's kinda like Rainbow Bright on acid, isn't she? She also sort of looks like a Bratz doll. She was bringing all my 1990's childhood cartoon flashbacks to life with her little squeakerton voice and her goofball expressions. Whatever – I fully expect her to go SheRah Princess of Power on these bitches before the season's over. Watch it blondies!
Things begin, oh where did they begin? With all the bad dye jobs and bad plastic surgery blurring together sometimes I lose track of where things even started. And speaking of plastic surgery things began with Vicki Gunvalson and Alexis Bellino. She and Vicki are BFF now since everyone hates their significant others and what better way is there to bond, I s'pose? I mean it worked for Alexis and Gretchen Rossi for two seasons, so Vicki picked up where Gretchen participated in a gang intervention. And girls who share plastic surgeons together, stay together!
"I think it is cool that Vicki [Gunvalson] went to say hello to Tamara [Barney] first, even though she sees and feels 'all this Ick' between them. I think that shows that she is, or is trying to be, the bigger person and move forward," Lydiapraises.
"I am happy that Tamra and Vicki eventually talk and move on. . .although, I’m still trying to figure out what Gretchen has to do with their friendship. What is this second grade and you can only have one best bud? Gretchen seems to be scared that there is only room for one friend in Tamara's life,and she wants it to be her." Yes, Lydia. That's exactly what it's like!
I'm not sure if you've noticed but there's been a green mesh dress floating around the Real Housewives circuit. Maybe they're all trading clothes now? Sharing is caring, after all! At least according to my son's preschool teacher.
First Kim Zolciak was spotted in the side-boob baring spectacular on the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. Kim says hers is the original Stella which must be why it was much too tight and revealing, cause you can't get a loaner dress altered. Her stylist provided the duds and celebs (or wannabe celebs) borrow gowns all the time so no shame in that!
CONTINUE READING FOR PHOTOS OF KIM, MELISSA, & LISA IN THE DRESS!
Yesterday was part 2 of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. This segment was all about Wigs Zolciak. And if I had a dollar for all the Kimscuses she makes, I could buy me one of them foreclosed dream homes everyone is talking about!
Phaedra Parks is apparently big news this season. We spent a ton of time running down her shenanigans and she seemed relatively composed for all the heat she took. It's clear the only person Phaedra has extreme distaste for is Kenya Moore.
Things begin with a spotlight on NeNe Leakes, cause just in case you didn't know, she has AAAA-RIVED! Andy Cohen wonders if NeNe plays favorites and takes sides, case in point she seemed to dislike Phaedra andKandi Burruss almost instantly. NeNe claims she never does that, Kandi reminds her that actually she does! We all know she does. NeNe likes people she can control and manipulate. And if it's apparent they don't need her or aren't going to bow down to her greatness, she goes all sour on them. So there's no need for her to even bother denying that!