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AaaahhhCouples Therapy. I was promised a trainwreck and a trainwreck we shall have. Oh goody!

Kelsey Nykole saunters out onto the patio where a slurry Taylor Armstrong and a messy, sloppy Liz and Jon Gosselin are talking. Kelsey drops the bomb that she's never masturbated. 

Liz and Taylor are shocked. "That's part of my repertoire," announces Taylor. Lovely. "I'm an expert," says Liz who decimated Jon in an earlier episode for "beating off". Hypocrite much? 

The next day Liz and Jon have a little gift for Kelsey – it's her very first vibrator! Surprisingly it did not come from Farrah Abraham's line of sex toys. She wasn't passing out goody bags?! Oh but wait – she was forced to make those vaj-molds and videotape herself doing it! Cause we all want a keek of Farrah's crotchal region covered in plaster! I don't know what's a grosser vibrator association: Jon or Farrah

Moving on, Taylor is struggling with parenting. "I don't parent," she slurs at the camera before course correcting to explain she doesn't set boundaries. #FreudianSlip Kennedy comes to the house the next day for some quality time with this woman who people say is her mom. Taylor greets Kennedy with villainous laugh that lasts about 5 minutes. In return, Kennedy shoots Taylor dirty looks that could melt a lip-plant. 



Kyle Richards is calling shenanigans on Lisa Vanderpump again!  Or at least she's trying to… 

Kyle has claimed she desperately wants her friendship with Lisa back on track and then turns around and does everything to the contrary – even going so far as to blatantly accuse Lisa of lying several times!

In her blog, Kyle again questions Lisa's loyalty, behaviors, and also her friendship with Brandi Glanville. "It's a shame our vacation in beautiful Puerto Rico started off like this. I was hoping to be able to speak privately with Lisa — without the others around the next day. I had a lot of unanswered questions and really wanted to talk things through and hopefully enjoy our vacation together," Kyle begins. 

Unfortunately after being mauled by a bunch of botox-starved sharks, Lisa ditched her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills co-stars and headed to the nearest 5-star resort to recuperate. 


Kim Kardashian and Kanye West in Soho

ZMOG – the wedding of the century is upon us. And very, very soon! According to sources Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will be getting married on May 24th in Paris. Poor France. 

"It won't be a huge wedding," a source reveals to People. "Around 150 people." Daughter North, who turns 1 in July, will play a prominent role in the ceremony and it's pretty much certain it will be aired on Keeping Up With The Kardashians or some sort of E! Special. Kim hasn't decided on a dress yet, but hopefully her fashion sense improves in time for wedding gown shopping, cause yea – no. 

"[I’ve shopped] a little bit, but I really need a good sit down to plan it all out," Kim revealed. 

Also reportedly making plans to finally walk down the aisle are Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick! I guess Kris Jenner finally convinced the stalwart couple that weddings equal big ratings which translates into big paychecks


Teresa and Joe Giudice arrive at a federal court

This week Teresa Giudice and Joe Giudice finally faced the inevitable and pled guilty for their 41 counts of federal fraud charges. Teresa has expressed her shame for what this has done to her daughters and vowed not to speak publicly about the matter again. Until Barbara Walters or Oprah comes a'callin' I'm sure! 

Faced with an insurmountable indictment, the Real Housewives of New Jersey star is subject to a sentence of 21 – 27 months but Judge Esther Salas has the final say in just how long – if any – Teresa will serve in prison. Perhaps Joe may just be headed to the slammer solo! Teresa's attorney explained to People that Teresa has a strategy for convincing the Judge why she should be permitted to remain a free lady. 

"Teresa's plan is to explain to the court both how she ended up in this mess to begin with as well as how she has made a life for herself and the girls that will see them through it," her lawyer Henry Klingeman revealed. "We have the right to ask for probation and we are going to." 



These girls just won't quit!

In her recent Bravo blog Lisa Vanderpump explains what motivated her to leave Puerto Rico in the middle of the night (in addition to the onslaught from her castmates they left because Ken was having health problems) and she is saddened that none of her supposed friends reached out to her. 

"I was deeply hurt and had not heard from any of them, which was fascinating by virtue of the fact that this was just an accusation, hurled by someone who had a penchant for vindictive, defamatory statements," Lisa wrote alluding to Brandi Glanville and the tabloid accusation. 



Private Lives of Nashville Wives is struggling to show the ritzy exclusive lives of the wives of country music royalty while maintaining its humility. Cassie Chapman, the spitfire former Hooters waitress who is married to Christian singer Gary Chapman, opened up about adoption, her history, and what makes Nashville Wives a different kind of reality show. 

Cassie is 23-years-younger than Gary, but says the couple is deeply in love. "I got on my computer and Googled his name, all of a sudden I said 'Dear God, what am I gonna tell my dad, He's 23 years older than me,'" Cassie says of meeting Gary, previously married to fellow-Christian superstar Amy Grant. 

The couple never planned to get married, but fate intervened. "His father was dying of Parkinson's and neither one of us were going to get married or have kids," Cassie shared with "He rolled over one morning and said, 'How would you feel if my father blessed our union?'" The couple got hitched at the courthouse. Gary's father passed shortly after and that was his last act as a preacher. 



Yesterday on Teen Mom 2 there was wedding drama, bad hair, baby daddy drama, and Jenelle Evans continued to be delusional. You know, same old! 

Kailyn Lowry is having wedding drama and is a complete bridezilla. She's also a wifezilla, a babydaddyzilla and probably any other kind of 'zilla you can think of. Combining 'zilla tendencies with Snuffy moping nonsense makes Kail unbearable. Stay off my TV until you've had this baby because you are an emotional wreck, Kailzilla! 

Kail has like 9 bridesmaids – one for each month she's pregnant! – including Javi's sister and his sister's friend. Unfortunately since Javi's family probably doesn't like Kail, Javi's sister and friend aren't super motivated to participate in wedding planning. Why would you have your husband's sister's FRIEND in your bridal party? Weird. Kail claims they don't want to spend any money on wedding stuff and they don't want to do super-fun stuff like sit in someone's kitchen to test hairstyles while Kail Snuffys along. 



Marlo Hampton is a famewhore of the first order, but she insists some of her television friendships are still real. After breaking up with NeNe Leakes in a dramatic fashion, Marlo hitched her wagon to the ever-tricky Kenya Moore and a match made in frienemy heaven was born! Although Marlo clarifies they are not besties

Despite moving on, Marlo says she still wants answers from NeNe on how things went wrong between them. And she feels used and abused by the Real Housewives of Atlanta star. 

“I don’t feel I could have done anything different…I’m not a child. I can talk to who I want to talk to. I can be friends with who I want to be friends to as long as I’m loyal to you,” Marlo informed Sister2Sister. “I do definitely feel the fans do deserve to hear both sides. I would like to definitely sit down and talk to [NeNe]. They deserve to see what’s really going on. I wanna ask her myself. I’m confused. I really don’t understand."


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