Last night while watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I came to an important realization. I now understand why these women never eat and how they manage to stay so thin. If every time you sat down at a dinner table a massive fight broke out wouldn't you have dinner-induced trauma and be reduced to guzzling wine instead? They probably all go home and stuff microwaved popcorn in their faces while standing over the kitchen sink and ruminating about the days before they sold their souls to Bravo. But hey – at least those size 2s fit!
Yesterday's episode was more of the same. Same arguments, same players, same storyline, same snarky recapper wanting to hurl things at the screen. It started out OK, as it always seems to, but then quickly degenerated into the congealed, fetid remains of last night's dinner. Even Yolanda Foster was reduced to drinking tequila.
Most of the girls were in Vegas watching in awe as Brandi Glanville's legs twined around a stripper pole and slid gracefully to the floor. "Welcome to Night School For Girls!" she announced popping up with 3/4 of her boob also popping out. Splits Richards makes an important mental note to have Mauricio hypnotized into thinking Brandi is a revolting, wretched, shit-stirring drama queen again. He must not fall under her spell!
“@kylerichards18 is about to kill me for twitting this photo but can you blame me. So beautiful,” Mauricio wrote. Kyle immediately freaked and told him to get that off the internet! “OMG @MauricioUmansky KILL. our kids are on twitter #notcool.”
Mauricio deleted the photo after a day or so. Luckily we're fast with the screenshot trigger finger.
[Photo Credit: Twitter]
SO, TELL US – WHAT DO YOU THINK OF KYLE'S TOO-RACY-FOR-TWITTER SWIMMING POOL SHOT?
There is apparently never a dull moment when you are a cast member of Real Housewives of New Jersey! And there seems to be no shortage of enemies and people from Melissa Gorga's past threatening to expose her at any moment. Is this how CIA agents feel, too?
The latest person claiming to have salacious details about Melissa's pre-Poison Gorga life is her ex-boyfriend "Bryan". Going by the twitter handle @bulldog_nj, he is coming out of the woodwork promising to drop an "atomic bomb" that will expose her lying and double-dealing to get on the show and make a name for herself.
Um… somebody's about to get his charred chicken handed right back to him on a silver platter. And that person is eternal Adrienne Maloof mouthpiece Chef Bernie!
TMZ reports that Paul Nassif has filed a lawsuit against Bernie Guzman for unspecified damages, claiming the chef blackmailed and extorted him - and then slandered his reputation by falsely accusing him of spousal abuse!
Bethenny Frankel thought her divorce would obviously be as whirlwind as her marriage, a 'yeah didn't work out' and go about their merry ways kind of deal. But she forgot about the Jason Hoppy part of the equation. And perhaps embarking on a media tour to pedal her marriage woes immediately after filing for divorce where she asked for full custody didn't help things!
In response to Bethenny's behavior, it seems Jason is furious – and he is not going to easily back down to her demands! Please don't give her ammunition for another book, Jason! I beg of you. Source say the Bethenny Ever After star is shocked that Jason is fighting back – and she never expected him to raise a fuss.
"Bethenny thought she could just roll him over and get out with no hassle," a source close to Jason reveals. A new article by Us Weekly exposes their nasty divorce and Jason's determination to fight for both himself and Bryn!
In the middle of donkey booty workout DVD wars, Phaedra Parks has other things to worry about! Like becoming a mother for the second time.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta star is currently in her second trimester (well at least that's what she says, but these RHOA ladies are a little sketchy about due dates!), and excited to be welcoming child number two into her family.
Sitting down with The Huffington Post, Phaedra reveals that son Ayden, now 2, wants a sister! “He is so excited,” Phaedra gushed. “He keeps saying, ‘I want a sister.’ He actually has a cousin. So he thought that was his sister because he gets to see her often.”
Well one thing is certain – Brandi forced Adrienne to fess up to the rent-a-uterus. And she gave Adrienne a storyline for the first time ever. Way to go Adrienne – you're finally semi-relevant!
While that is all fine and good, Adrienne is holding firm in her accusations that Brandi ruined her family and destroyed her children's innocence. Oh Adrienne – give it a rest already. I agree with Brandi you claimed their father was abusing you and your children in the media – and that is much worse!