On last night’s Vanderpump Rules, we learned that Stassi Schroeder‘s problems with men run deep. Like down in the beautiful, briny sea deep. She’s also being strangled in turtleneck-form by her own ill-advised hubris.
Now, I must do a disclaimer with this recap: Do not expect my usual greatness of prose mixed with pearls of wisdom, as I have the worst cold I have ever had in my human existence. And I feel like garbage. Like what Tequila Katie (minus Tom 2) may smear on Scheana Marie‘s overly-contoured face.
Can we talk about Scheana? Ho-ly does that girl need a ‘stink face’ removal procedure. Didn’t anyone warn her that her face will freeze that way if she makes a poop face immediately after getting Botox? I mean, I get it – she has a hard-earned summer body to protect, but lighten up and eat a lil’ clam. I hear Kristen Doute loves them.
With the least popular members of Vanderpump Rules partying in Montauk for Stassi Schroeder‘s birthday (a national holiday if you are a self-absorbed brat!), they introduce us to Summer House via Stassi’s friendship with Lauren and AshleyWirkus.
What this means is TWO HOURS of Vanderpump Rules drama! Is that a good or bad thing? I don’t know… What I do know is that you can meet the cast of Summer House below!
This weekend, with her father Joe Giudice in prison, Gia celebrated her Sweet 16 with a lavish party thrown by Teresa. Gia looked gorgeous and it seemed like a lovely party fully sponsored by a zillion different businesses and probably Bravo too. At least this party had far less drama than the time she turned 13…
On the other side of the spectrum, freed from the clutches of one felonious fool, Phaedra Parks is happily clutching her pearls while smirking the good fortune that has fallen into her lap. Or into her law office, rather, and it’s not a bomb threat this time. And Porsha Williams continues her travels backwards in maturity by sneaking her boyfriend into her mom’s house for a little late-night nookie (with Yoni balls).
You’d think Bethenny Frankel would be completely over dealing with attorneys, courts, and ex-husband Jason Hoppy after her extremely acrimonious 3-year divorce, but not so! Instead Bethenny just filed a $2 million dollar lawsuit against her former property attorney.
The Real Housewives Of New York star claims that Jason with the aid of an attorney screwed her in the purchasing of her $5 million dollar Tribeca condo, the ownership of which was at the center of their super messy divorce.
What is up with Dorit Kemsley? I mean, she gives good TV since we’re all going to be talking about her, but, err, uhh… she is not a good look for Lisa Vanderpump, and I don’t think this is what Lisa was going for when she got Dorit cast. So, Peek-K looked up Erika Girardi‘s skirt, and after grilling my husband relentlessly about the possibility of PK’s view, I’ve decided I agree with Erika that it’s probably not possible that PK got full-vajaynejayne throughout dinner as he claimed. Erika, though, is pissed that Dorit told everyone about it, then handled it by handing her some “full coverage” underwear. Of all the insults – to assume ERIKA JAYNE wears full coverage?! As if! When completely sheer = granny panties, you know you’ve gone to the Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for aging trophy wives with celebrity ambitions.
Several of the stars of Vanderpump Rules headed to Cabo to party into the New Year. Along for the trip were LaurenWirkus and Ashley Wirkus, twins, and stars of the new Bravo show Summer House. (They made a cameo on Pump Rules earlier in the season).