Author Archive

Tom and Katie - final days

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules traveled through the few remaining days before Tom Schwartz legally yoked himself to Tequila Katie. Actually, Tom has optimistically decided to eulogize Tequila Katie – maybe that explains why they spent $10,000 on flowers! Double-duty for a funeral?

Before everyone converges in the middle of nowhere “where no one can hear you squeal, boy,” (name that movie!) Tom 1 and Jax Taylor must take care of some risky business in the big city. They must summon their courage with a tiny trumpet and drink raw eggs for manliness. They’re doing this for Tom 2. As he relinquishes his bank account, his soul, and what’s left of the d–k he can only partially find, that only partially works, Tom 1 and Jax will be his everlasting strength.

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Kordell Stewart

Kordell Stewart ain’t about the Down Low and a judge agrees! Last year a popular YouTube celebrity named Andrew Caldwell claimed he and the former Real Housewives Of Atlanta househusband had a secret gay relationship, Kordell denied the allegations, sued for slander, and has won millions in damages.

Andrew was unable to prove any such relationship with Kordell, but his allegations gained traction because Kordell has been shadowed by gay rumors since his days in the NFL. The matter wasn’t helped when his ex-wife Porsha Williams echoed such insinuations. However, we know how Porsha likes to flub the truth about what happens in people’s bedrooms – including her own. Anyway!

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Porsha - Restoration

After watching last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, I have decided two things. Firstly, Porsha Williams owes Kandi Burruss an apology. She admitted she made up the drug and rape rumors, and that was gross, so now she needs to pull her big girl panties out of her butt and say these two simple words, sincerely, “I’m sorry” and she should not expect Kandi to forgive her.

The problem is Porsha told a lie. She told a really damning and smearing lie. While lying is no new thing to this show (and it is amusing that Kenya Moore, who has told more falsehoods than Pinocchio, is the most enraged about Porsha’s lie), Porsha has told a lie that could potentially have legal ramifications or ruin Kandi’s reputation. The worst though is that Porsha doesn’t seem bothered by that, and doesn’t seem to get how bad this is. Nor does she seem bothered that Kandi is so upset. Which is especially disconcerting considering that Porsha and Kandi were once close friends.

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Cynthia Bailey in Maui

Cynthia Bailey, like the rest of us, is shocked and surprised by the allegations that Porsha Williams made against co-star and former friend Kandi Burruss

What started as a drunken lesbian encounter between two friends, turned into a dramatic cesspool of nastiness on Real Housewives Of Atlanta. “I can understand why Kandi was so hurt and emotional. These ladies were once good friends, and things just went way too far,” says an appalled Cynthia. “These are serious allegations, and regardless of whether or not they are true, this stuff lives on social media and the Internet forever.”

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, “we” had a baby (we’re included in this “we” because at this point we’re all basically Kim and Kyle Richards‘ celestial family in twisted sister drama). “We” also planned a trip to Hong Kong to rescue dogs, and we also got our laps squished by an Instagram personality and his giant bottle of rosé.

Where I will let Kyle stand alone is in that awful dress she wore to the Kyle By AleneTwo book signing event. At least Eden Sassoon got the message and wore a kaftan. And Lisa Rinna, well she and her diarrhea stayed home. Erika Girardi also went home – on a private jet with a glam squad. I don’t know why Erika doesn’t cry more often because she has such a pretty cry face!

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Tom & Ariana do the Annual SUR photoshoot

On last night’s Vanderpump Rules tormented lovebirds Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz fixed everything and now their relationship is perfect. All it took was a little tough love from Lisa Vanderpump.

In the land of SUR and SURvival, all amounts to one’s role in the annual photoshoot where themes range from nearly naked, naked, to naked with accompanying awkward sexual encounters. This year Lisa is trying to take that up a notch by adding a last supper of hedonism complete with a fake roasted pigs and grapes on Ariana Madix‘s butt. BUT more on that later – Lisa’s first order of business is to ask Katie why on earth she and Tom 2 went on a vacation and spent the entire time in an extended “flare up”?

Seriously why does Katie call their arguments flare-ups? It makes it sound like a herpes outbreak.

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THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY -- Season:9 -- Pictured: (l-r) Tinsley Mortimer, Sonja Morgan, Bethenny Frankel, Ramona Singer, Dorinda Medley, Luann D'Agostino, Carole Radziwill -- (Photo by: Patrick Ecclesine/Bravo)

Who’s ready for the return of Real Housewives Of New York?! The teaser for season 9 has just been released and it looks like things are gonna get crazy! YAY. Like good, fun, ridiculous, crazy. The show is set to premiere on April 5th!

This season welcomes new Housewife Tinsley Mortimer, the fallen former socialite, but otherwise the ladies are dealing with many of the same old problems. Like Sonja Morgan‘s up and down battle with reality, and her drinking, which is once again in the spotlight.

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Kandi text messages

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta went left to The Matrix. I don’t even know what happened, but I feel like I entered an alternate universe? Of secret carpet muncher people? Even writing that feels wrong and homophobic. I want to go back home! I want to go click my Louboutins together and be transported to an RHOA of wig tugs, Bloops! and weird pickle photoshoots.

I had forgotten how debased Kandi Burruss and Porsha Williams argument was in the week-off where I watched gorgeous gowns float across the Oscars stage. You can catch up on that recap here.

It was a hard jolt back to reality (I ate the blue pill! On a Monday!) to have the episode open with Porsha accusing Kandi and Todd of possibly planning to drug her then drag her into their hidden sex dungeon. OK – WHAT?!

Porsha “heard this” lurid rumor from someone else. Apparently she believes it. We know how those words on the street work in Atlanta. Turn here for “Liable Suit Way”! Kandi rightfully wants Porsha to present receipts to back-up any of her claims.

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