Last night was the series premiere of Ladies of London. I'm interested, although I wish there were more Brits than Americans living in London. I deal with enough American famewhores, I want to learn about some international ones!
Right away we meet the doyenne of the franchise Caroline Stanbury. Caroline is authentic British aristocracy and royalty. She owns and runs a luxury concierge service and lives in a massive home down the street from Brangelina. She's fabulously British and serves as the show's narrator of all things Brit and Class. I imagine her holding a clipboard, Burberry cat eyes perched on her nose, as she scores all the infractions of social impropriety. Basically you can tell within 6 seconds of her meeting the American caste of her class that she regrets getting involved in this nonsense and feels it's her duty to separate herself in everyway possible from their gauche behavior.
So yes, Shannon Beador and Heather think their holiday cards are on par with the White House's in terms of preeminent importance. Shannon tells us that people look forward to her card every year and Heather gives a gushing speech about what it represents to her family (Time immemorial? Neil deGrasse Tyson joke!). They both hire full glam crews and professional photography teams to make these visions come to life. I think I saw Anna Wintour scuttling around behind the ladder in Heather's shoot.
It's nice to know that I have some things in common with these two wealthy beacons of the upper echelons – because even though I take my holiday photo with an iPhone, my kids misbehave just as much as Heather and Shannon's do! Anyway, Heather is taking her card in what looks like the parking lot of a storage facility. Maybe since they're between mega mansions she's going for homeless chic?
Last week viewers witnessed Heather Dubrow's version of a hoedown as she had a lot warming party for her new massive abode. During the course of the party America's oldest sorority girl Tamra Barney flew off the mechanical bull after Heather instructed the operator to turn it up.
Last night was our first introduction to the season that Bravo hopes will redeem Real Housewives of New Jersey's viewership. After season 5 suffered from sinking ratings because of stale drama and regurgitated storylines the network has infused new and recycled blood into the franchise and given us orange-er skin, more be-sprayed hair, and a let's be happier facade!
Everyone is treating Teresa Giudice with the nice-ies – maybe it's because they recognize that this may be her last season due to jail time and the throne will be open for a new RHONJ queen! Dina Manzo is back to be Teresa's lady in waiting, but she also has a whole new lease on life because she's single and ready-ish to mingle. Mingle with species other than cats – of both the hairless and ferocious Jersey tigers out for her blood varieties! I missed Dina – I like her dry candor. And her cats.
Last night was the premiere of Kandi's Wedding. Unfortunately what is supposed to be a joyful occasion for the couple has been usurped by drama and negativity! Of course Mama Joyce is doing everything in her power to destroy Kandi Burruss' happiness; from telling Kandi she's fat, to accusing Todd Tucker's parents of being a retired pimp and ho. Seriously Mama Joyce said Todd's mother Sharon was a former "working girl" who had trained Todd to hustle for Kandi's money. And Todd's now deceased father was once her pimp! If I were Sharon I would be getting an attorney on the phone immediately! #LawsuitByBravo
Other than Mama Joyce, Kandi's BFF and bridesmaid Carmon has been shoved into the role of impromptu wedding planner. Kandi tells her team (which includes manager Don Juan) that she wants to plan her entire Coming To America themed wedding in 5 weeks – and to save money (since Kandi is a girl who loves a deal!) she's decided to skip the high-priced wedding planners and rely on her assistant/bridesmaid Carmon and another employee, her event coordinator Johnny who has done a few simple weddings in the past. Oh lord – this spells trouble in both Zamundan and English!
Last weekend Kim Kardashian and Kanye West tied the knot in Florence, Italy. While the official wedding photos boasted a happy couple and the photo booth (seriously – isn't that a little passé?) boasted a bevy of D-list celebrity guests having fun, apparently the behind-the-scenes drama was straight out of a horror story! Despite costing an estimated $12 million dollars, guests called the event a giant "clusterf–k" and reportedly had a horrible time being part of the Kimye show.
Page Six reveals that there were tantrums (no, not from North or Mason!) from Kanye, huge wasted expenses and rudely treated guests and performers. Settle in – it's juicy!
– Miss Golden Showers needed her guests to pee in style. Kim and Kanye had a huge golden portable toilet erected (see what I did there) that was situated next to the dinner tables (klass!) and beside the dance floor. The monstrosity was so enormous – 49 feet tall – it required a crane to lift it into the walled fortress of Forti di Belvedere. "'Their toilet was the star of the show,' says a source. "The Italians named it the Torre di Bagni Oro (translation: the Gold Toilet Tower)."
Bethenny Frankel's custody dispute with ex-husband Jason Hoppy went to trial this week and things got extremely heated with lawyers for each party accusing the other of horrible misdeeds.
Bethenny took the stand to testify against Jason and accused him of threatening her and mocking her in front of their daughter Bryn. She also accused him of refusing to flush the toilet! And pointing out that there was negative PR about her. Cause, like, duh… Anyway the entire experience was traumatic for Bethenny. Umm… excuse me for pointing out the obvious, but isn't the true victim here Bryn?
The couple reconvenes in court next week where Bethenny will be cross-examined and Jason will take the stand. Unfortunately sources say things aren't looking good for Bethenny who is fighting for primary physical custody and sole legal custody while Jason is requesting joint.
According to TMZ's intrepid reporting, they are banding together to hold out for more money and refusing to sign contracts unless they're given a raise. Lisa Vanderpump is not part of this as she is on the fence about returning to the show regardless of whether or not she's paid more! Although Bravo is desperate to keep her! And likely if Lisa is returning the network will offer her more as she also has a successful spinoff for the network in Vanderpump Rules!