The Twisted Sicksters Richards are still stranded in Palm Desert after the histrionic horrors of YOU STOLE MY HOUSE! Kim Richards insists she’s grown-up and is waiting for Kyle Richards to treat her like the “healthy, sober older sister who can take care of her life.” Except stupid Kyle is all Kim can’t even tell a vibrator from a lipstick and a Tuesday from a toadstool and God! Do I have to do everything, even cook eggs?! Man, if I were Kyle I would have put Ex-lax in the bitch’s eggs!
Yeah, they ate eggs instead of dealing with the destruction of the night before when Kim hoarsely screeched at Kyle to give back her house right. now. Or ELSE healthy big sober super sister Kim was going to destroy her with her inventive memory and her super weapon: the gossiping drunken lips of Boozdi, a super-villain who will swoop down from the valley with lies of attrition. Kyle meekly says she’s surprised Kim stayed after what happened, Kim just eats and plots to set a bag of Kingsley’s dog poop on fire and throw it on the grill.
Nothing comes between Justin Bieber and his Calvins – except for reality star models Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner! The fearsome-threesome all posed for a photo spread in American Vogue titled “Meet Hollywood’s New Brat Pack” and shot by legendary fashion photographer Mario Testino.
Real Housewives; real problems! Ana Quincoces, the one-time star of the seemingly-canceled Real Housewives Of Miami, was arrested Sunday night for driving on a suspended a license with knowledge. Her excuse: cockroaches!
Ana, who parlayed her post-Bravo stint into a career as a chef, claims she was staying in a real estate agent friend’s cockroach invested listing and had to flee because she fears roaches – even though her license was suspended! Ana was arrested Key Largo, FL on Sunday early morning after police spotted and “recognized” her SUV during a security check of a local park around 3:40 in the morning. She was taken to the Plantation Key jail on the misdemeanor charge and released on her own recognizance Sunday at 5:14 a.m.
Jon Gosselin loves the limelight (and scandals) so it’s no surprise that the former reality star is considering a run for public office. However until his political career takes off (*snort) the former Jon & Kate Plus 8 star is satisfying his quest for fame an attention by working as a DJ.
Jon recently played a gig at Boston’s Julep Bar where he claims it was so packed “they had to turn people away.” They wanted to gawk at reality TV’s biggest failure? Of his new passion for music, Jon gushes, “I love it!” It’s no surprise that serial relationship failure Jon found his newest “occupation” through an ex-girlfriend, who worked for the music company Eclipse Entertainers, which has now signed Jon.
To perfect his craft, he’s taking working with Wyomissing DJ Koolie Kirk because he needs to “learn so much more.” Ahhhh… that’s commitment Jon! “It’s hard,” Jon insists. “It’s not easy or everyone would do it.”
In a series of now deleted tweets, Lisa questioned why Kim, who is at the center of all the drama this season, is the only one who never writes her Bravo blogs. According to Lisa, writing while drunk is really, really hard. Tell that to Brandi!
Last night Lisa was asked why Bravo doesn’t make all the Housewives write blogs. “Isn’t it part of the housewives contracts,” the tweet inquired. Lipsa, who wants us to know no to believe anything unless we hear it from her lips responded, “#exactly.”
Kenya Moore set her inner-Krayonce aside to find love on the Millionaire Matchmaker. Seriously – there were no Kenyanigans. I was strangely disappointed. As much as I snark on Kenya, I rely on her insanity to keep me indentured to Bravo. I do not need to see her behaving normally. But alas, we all must make sacrifices for love!
There were shocking developments however – Patti Stanger actually made two love connections (!) as she established herself the champion of under-appreciated women in their 40’s and 50’s! Or something like that – I tuned out around the time she described Cynthia Bailey as one of the top supermodels in the world and Kenya’s best friend.
NeNe Leakes has left the building! And some real-ish therapy happened on Real Housewives Of Atlanta! Well, as real as you’re gonna get from 4 broads whose occupations are Shadeologists (degree available online at Shade U, an akkredited university), and one broad whose occupation is Denialologist, degree available at MamaJoyce Be Your Guide.com. Oh, and NeNe, well she kept it real NeNe – all the problems aren’t her fault, and Dr. Jeff shouldn’t be allowing everyone to “dump” them in her lap on a plate from the buffet. Well Kandi Burruss would still eat it!
Therapy is in progress when NeNe up and flees, toting two Birkins filled with her emotional baggage. Dr. Jeff, the yappy Pomeranian on her heels, begs her to return. NeNe’s glowing red transformer eyes accuse him of allowing everyone to blame her for all the issues. It was a conspiracy! The entire first part of the session, was all NeNe, all times. Usually she likes that sort of thing but not when she’s being told what she doesn’t want to hear!
Dr. Jeff tries to appease NeNe by reminding her that she has so much to contribute. In response NeNe snaps, “You should lose your license!” Dr. Jeff follows NeNe out to her car, counseling her about anger taking her to dark places… She uses all of her self-restraint not to poke his eyes out, then commands the guards to haul him away and throw him in the viper pit.