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Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta we met other new Housewife Porsha Stewart. What can we say about Porsha other than she's very, very, very, very, very, very blessed – and everything's, like, so perfect, like, all the time!

Porsha can pretty much be described as Kenya Moore's diametric opposite – a fact that has not escaped Kenya for one second. While Porsha grew up rich, doted on, and adored only to get married to a famous athlete and live as a socialite, as Kenya pointed out – she had to earn her own titles. Which may be why she clings onto an aging, tarnished, crown for dear life. When alls you've got is yesterday's honor and some Stuff Magazine covers, girl can't sit back on her booty and let the world forget!

Things begin with NeNe Leakes and ex-husband/current squeeze Greggalicious having a little one-on-one time. They head to Miss Lawrence's salon for some pedicures on giant, ridiculous, lacquered thrones. Gregg displays his talent for memorizing Hallmark cards and old wedding toasts by serenading an embarrassed NeNe with badly rhyming poems. All Gregg wants is a key. A key to NeNe's house, a key to her life, a key to her heart! 

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Kim Zolciak has been in a custody battle over her daughters Brielle (15) and Arianna Zolciak (11) – with her parents!

A few months ago Kim's mother, Karen Zolciak petitioned the court for grandparent's rights claiming she hadn't seen the Real Housewives of Atlanta star's daughters (whom she helped to raise) since Kim and Kroy Biermann's wedding. 

Karen also attested that she hasn't seen KJ in months and has never even really met Kim's youngest son, Kash

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Tonight Real Housewives of Atlanta fans will get to meet new Housewife (and Kim Zolciak replacement) Porsha Stewart. While it's not clear when exactly ol' Wigs McGee will exit stage left, one thing's for sure – Porsha arrives tonight and she's coming out with a bang as she goes to battle with fellow newbie Kenya Moore!

Speaking with Atlanta Constitution Journal, Porsha shares how she would like viewers to perceive her and what she thinks of her new co-workers. 

“I’m happy to show who I really am. I’m big on respect. If I feel disrespected, I will explain to you what you did. I speak my opinion. I’m outspoken. I am not the one talking about you behind your back. I will say it to your face," Porsha explains of her people-management style.

"I can seem a little harsh but it comes from a good place. At the end of the day, you may love me or hate me or love to hate me,” she warns.

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Melissa Gorga is doing her Bravo duty and pole dancing for the network like a good little devotee.

Amid rumors that Caroline Manzo and Kathy Wakile are not returning for season 5 of Real Housewives of New Jersey, Melissa spoke out to In Touch Weekly insisting those rumors are simply not true! Gotta keep the fans guessing to keep controversy and interest alive, right?

"Caroline is returning,” Melissa says. “Okay, there you go. Caroline is back and so is Kathy." 

Just this week a flood of rumors started emerging that Caroline and Kathy were leaving in order to be replaced by friends of Teresa Giudice. Also possibly making a return is former supervillian Danielle Staub.

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I think we all learned a good lesson on Real Housewives of Miami last night. Thomas Kramer's house is no place for Housewives of any strife, location, or wig-wearing persuasion. 

The creepy, weird older guy who hosted the ladies of Atlanta on an unforgettable girls weekend two seasons ago, once again did Housewives no favors by hosting the ladies of Miami for an atrocious dinner party where the lest desirable thing at the table was Thomas himself. Look dude, if you think telling an 80-year-old woman to sit down and shut-up because she's nearing her expiration date is going to get you a reality show, you're mistaken. 

Things begin at Lea Black's house with Mama Elsa and a case of missing mozzarella. Apparently Mama Elsa wants Lea and Marysol Patton to make up, but Lea has a conflict of interest – or two. One of them is 8 foot tall drag queen in a 40" wide wig named Elaine Lancaster. And the other is that essentially that The Patton Group screwed up The Black Gala two years in a row and there was nary an apology in sight. 

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Aaaahhh… the saga of Gretchen Rossi and Jay Photoglou. A tale that of who's sleazier, if I've ever heard one.

In round 500 between the maybe lovers/maybe not (despite the heavy dose of incriminating photos), the Real Housewives of Orange County star won a $500,000 defamation suit against her ex after he told the world she was cheating on dying fiance Jeff Beitzel and maybe, possibly never even really his fiance to begin with as it was an elaborate ruse to land a spot on RHOC. 

Well, first Jay sued Gretchen for defamation and won. And then she sued him back and won. The jury also awarded Gretchen $23,250 in punitive damages according to TMZ. Can we just call it even with these two already? I mean Gretchen's already moved onto another loser…

[Photo Credit: Nikki Nelson/WENN.com]

TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THE VERDICT? 

 

 

This week I had the opportunity to speak with Real Housewives of Miami extra and best friend of Lea Black, the formidable Elaine Lancaster (aka James). James has been a drama-starter all season and we've seen him get into scuffles over issues with Marysol Patton and Mama Elsa

Speaking with James he gave me his perspective on the situation with Marysol and how he believes their feud started. Now, bear in mind this is James' perspective. 

James calls the show a "wonderful experience that has been very cathartic in a lot of ways." James says his issues with Marysol started a "couple of years ago."

He says their relationship was always casual. "We have a lot of the same acquaintances; people that I socialize with on a regular basis," he says and they often saw each other at social events.

James said he always felt Marysol had a "problem" with him, but he's not sure why. He thinks it has something to do with jealousy over him being a "bright light" and charismatic presence on the Miami social scene. 

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Can it get any better than this, I ask you? Does it get any crazier than mammoth egos of epic proportions? And really who has bigger egos than Teresa Giudice and MADONNA? Really… I don't know?

According to The Huffington Post, the Real Housewives of New Jersey superstar confused herself with an actual superstar when she thought the legendary and undisputed queen of egos (and cheek implants), Madonna was going to be excited about the prospect of hanging out backstage with her! 

Teresa and friends were in the audience of Madonna's sold out MDNA Tour performance at Madison Square Garden. The above photo is Teresa attending the concert. 

Apparently prior to the show Teresa thought she could use her reality TV fame for a little leverage with a megastar! I mean she was on like Celebrity Apprentice, right. That implies she's a celebrity, like kinda, right?

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