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Dear ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,

Smearing a bunch of concealer on your lips is not cute – it's disturbing. Just as wearing "suntan" pantyhose is not cute. Why do you want to look lip-less? Especially when you've surgically enhanced them already?

I'm beginning to think that Bravo's wealthiest zip code is about to need a MAC Cosmetics intervention. Let's get the stars of RuPaul's Drag Race in there and show these girls how it's done. Adrienne Maloof, Yolanda Foster, and Taylor Armstrong – I am looking at you. 

On the bright note, Splits Richards only wore ONE caftan-y garment last night. That's like some kind of reality TV milestone, right?

Also what think you of the intros. I thought they were all cute, HOWEVER Taylor's about 'working too hard for this zip code' was not appropriate in my opinion. 

So let us begin… Lisa Vanderpump levitates above these ladies like the fabulous beacon of pink glow that she is. She is the goddess of this bunch, like Glenda The Good Witch on Wizard of Oz. And now she has moved to a fabulous new home – far more chic than her old overblown digs. That closet. Her glow-y, plush bedroom. I really wish Lisa would adopt me and then I could throw away all her pink satin blouses embellished by Pandora's bedazzler and we'd be one big happy, wine-sipping family. 

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Last night on RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race a surprise elimination took place as we headed into the final three. Synergy really whips through 'em fast, doesn't it? 

For the mini challenge the sometimes ladies had to go back to their roots – manhood. Ru challenged them to a butch guy photoshoot. If you imagined it was sort of a mess, you were right. Manila Luzon shoved a banana in her pants. Chad Michaels looked like "Burt Reynolds and Cher had a baby," according to Jujubee.

Those photos were TERRIBLE! Poor Latrice Royale lamented about how she has difficulty feeling sexy as a man – or a woman. 

In the end Yarlexis was able to snag the sexy real men photo win, which isn't saying much. 

For the main challenge Ru requested the girls punk the public. Dressed in drag they had to play a little game called "Queens Behaving Badly." Ru carted them all over to Hollywood Blvd where they had to harass tourists and the like into doing ridiculous pranks called upon by their partners through an ear piece. Each prank had a score. It was sort of a street-side variety show and it was kind of interesting but sort of low-brow. 

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Happy Election Day, dear readers! Since everyone is in a voting state of mind we decided to have a little fun on this ever-so important day.  Reality TV stars are always campaigning for favoritism (and sometimes buying their fans on twitter), so we got wondering, what stars could we – in our wildest dreams – see make it to the White House?

So cast your ballot for one of these fair candidates below. And remember this is all in fun so keep it funny, snarky, and apolitical! 

1. Caroline Manzo: She ruled Real Housewives of New Jersey with an iron fist – until Teresa Giudice went rogue!

2. Kris Jenner: The pimpmomager is a PR machine who is constantly juggling a thousand things. Plus, the Keeping Up With The Kardashians folks have as many skeletons in their closet as any good politician. 

3. Abby Lee Miller: She will frighten and intimidate foreign leaders into staying in line – or else! 

4. Donald Trump: Our national embarrassment (that hair!) might as well take it all the way. Plus, he could hopefully pay for his own campaign. 

5. Shaunie O'Neal: The HBIC of Basketball Wives knows how to dodge flying wine bottles, flinging insults, and a whole host of unruly people with a half-smile. I think she could whip congress into shape without so much as smudging her lipstick! 

[Photo Credit:Caroline Torem Craig/ WENN.com ]

CAST YOUR VOTE BELOW!

 

Oh Donald Trump… The combed over one was allegedly caught using his TV connections to get gas despite massive shortages! 

Yesterday Gawker published a report which accused The Donald's production crew of filling up 18 Celebrity Apprentice gas guzzling vans in Yonkers, NY despite the extreme gas shortages in the NY/NJ area! And apparently The Donald was getting special permission to gas up! A crew member shares this story: 

"Last night a crew of 18 vehicles all left from NYC to go to Yonkers for a gas station that we were told was opening up just for us around 1am. We left NYC around 10pm headed up the westside highway to Yonkers and arrived in the area around 1045," a source who works on the Apprentice crew reveals.

Celebrity Apprentice All Stars is currently filming and I guess the show must go on. Superstorm or no superstorm! 

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Just in case you're in the 1% who isn't aware, tonight is the season three premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. After months of hearing about the nonstop drama that engulfed the ladies, we will finally get to see what all the fuss is about! Anyone else slightly afraid but also trembling with anticipation?

And after speculation that she is possibly being phased out of the show this season, Taylor Armstrong doesn't seem to be taking it too seriously as she focuses on her love life! Taylor recently gushed about finding the "love of my life" in an interview and this weekend People spotted Taylor and her mystery love on a romantic brunch date at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Taylor yanked on her best leather leggings to sit poolside and canoodle with an "older gentleman with salt and pepper hair." Sounds a lot like the married attorney, John Bluher, Taylor is rumored to be dating!

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Last week I spoke with RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race star Nina Flowers. On the heels of her elimination Nina and I discussed the "Synergy" aspect of All Stars (aka Teams), drama with judging, and her relationship with Tammie Brown

Nina was very thoughtful when discussing the show and had a lot of insightful comments on how the teams challenges worked for and against participants. And she also gave us a glimpse of what's to come for Nina Flowers now that reality TV is over. 

An excerpt from our conversation is below: 

What is your reaction to being eliminated? Did the Teams aspect play a role in that?

"It definitely had something to do with it more than if we would have had to compete as individuals. Competing in teams is definitely tougher. It's not just about your performance, it's also about your team partner. We did the best we could as a team and it is what it is. I'm sad that I wasn't able to take it all the way to the end like I did on season one, but I'm OK with it. It was definitely a fulfilling experience and I feel happy I was a part of All Stars." 

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Last night was the season premiere of Real Housewives of Atlanta – and so far, I'm liking things. We checked in with all the housewives, where we learned that the more some people change, the more they stay the same! And we unfortunately met new Housewife, Kenya Moore.

She made a helluva a first impression – I now totally associate Kenya with "coochie crack." Here's how she introduced herself: She yelled "coochie crack" at the top of her lungs about 20 times, then screamed 'SECURITY!' like she was some sort of A-Lister up there with Victoria Beckham. Right, so this one's a live-wire! 

Things begin with the very, very rich Ms. NeNe Leakes, who is channeling Bret Michaels realness with that bandana. Surprisingly Greggalicious is also part of the equation. He's fetching her mail and begging her for some love. My how the tables have turned now that NeNe holds the keys – and the wallet! NeNe is playing coy about rekindling things with Gregg. C'mon – you know these two are meant to be and I sort of love them together. 

NeNe explains that she's also been method acting and exuding her inner Kim Zolciak by practicing trailer living on the set of The New Normal. And our first kapow of the season. I have so missed my NeNeisms. 

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Evelyn Lozada has had a tough year. I mean the lady had one of the shortest marriages, like, ever – even shorter than Kim Kardashian's! With all the drama in her personal life the Basketball Wives star has turned to exercise and healthy eating. 

Evelyn recently landed a huge, six-figure endorsement deal to promote an organic and caffeine free energy shot called youthH2O. And she's not stopping there! Apparently Evelyn (whose spinoff Ev and Ocho was canceled before it even aired) is planning for a life post-reality TV and she's decided the way to make bank is in the fitness market. 

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