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Everything seems to be coming up roses in Kim Zolciak‘s world. She’s married, she’s having a baby, and Don’t Be Tardy For The Wedding wasn’t a complete flop – even if people only watched out of morbid curiosity.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Kim’s new spin-off premiered to some pretty solid ratings. The two half-hour long series openers garnered about 1.55 million viewers! Not bad for a new show!

And since everything else is perfect in Kimlandia, it’s time to fix her fallen friendship with NeNe Leakes – which seems to be fragmented beyond repair. Much to my and Andy Cohen‘s chagrin.

Kim recently appeared on The Wendy Williams Show where she confirmed – Real Housewives of Atlanta or no – she is not interested in rekindling things with The Neen. “She’s really changed, and she’s not funny to me anywhere,” Kim shared. “She used to be really funny.” Funnier when she was a moose or when she had a penis? Wendy agreed, saying NeNe has become “mean-spirited.”

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies of Jersey continued to fragment – but surprisingly so did the men! There was drunken debauchery, poison expulsion, and a fight! Oh, Joe G-to-the-iudice, why you such a mess?

Things begin with Jacqueline Laurita throwing the wayward Hatley Holmes out of the house. Except, Ashlee’s hatless now – she’s Lohan-esque instead (I would call her Injectibles Holmes, but people might think I’m talking about Jacqueline). Anyway, Jacs didn’t seem at all sad to see her go. And poor, once-promising Albie Manzo was sentenced to drive Ashlee to the airport. In the car she whines and fussed about flying and begs the aeronautics gods to make her 21 so she can get wasted before her flight. Then she brags about the time she drank a bottle of cough syrup through a straw to ease her fear of flying. That’s not completely cracktastic or anything! #rehab.

Albie compares Ashlee to Ke$ha but I think that’s too generous because at least Ke$ha has some semblance of talent (maybe?) and a career of some undeserved recognition.

Melissa Gorga pays a visit to Non-Juicy Joe where he is hard at work overseeing the development of buildings. She’s wearing some sort of tight, mini dress and Joe gooses her as they tour the facilities. Joe owns three buildings on the same street – one for each of their children. Melissa doesn’t get a building – she gets Joe and his poison instead. #luckygirl #sarcasm. They reminisce about a time when they had no money to buy diapers and were poor, poor while Joe was developing his buildings.

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Remember when Amber Portwood was evicted while in jail for allegedly lying about her income to qualify for low-income state subsidized housing? Well, the government of Indiana is reportedly furious that the Teen Mom trainwreck star conned them and they want their money back! Amber was renting a home subsidized by the state’s Rental Housing Tax Credit Program. A program that provides lower-income housing for those in need.

Amber under-estimated her income by about $270,000 to qualify for the program, claiming she made only $10k last year. Unfortunately, Amber earned a whopping $280,000. Sadly, I imagine most of it was spent on legal fees! Upon learning of her income discrepancy scam, the company she was renting from promptly evicted Amber.

And took the matter to court! Predictably Amber never even bothered to reply to the company’s lawsuit, which accused her of lying about her income. In response an Indian judge ruled in the company’s favor and according to TMZ, ordered Amber pay the company $673 within 30 days or face further legal action. Oh, Amber…

THOUGHTS ON AMBER’S LATEST LEGAL DRAMA?

It wouldn’t be The Bachelorette without douchey suitors and plenty of drama. Emily Maynard may have been a diva, demanding producers only cast totally amazing guys, but that doesn’t mean she’s exempt from getting a ratings grabbing dud! Hey, it is reality TV after all! And dating – two things that are notorious for their calamities.

Unfortunately for Emily, it seems one of her finalists has a previous relationship with one the show’s producers – who was also very involved in the casting process for Emily’s season! While ABC has not officially released the names of Emily’s guys, rumored top four pick indie car racer Arie Luydendyk Jr once dated Cassie Lambert, a female producer for The Bachelorette. Upon learning Arie’s history, Emily is reportedly “very pissed off,” according to WetPaint.

Emily shouldn’t worry because Cassie and Arie’s romance ended long ago and Cassie is currently engaged to another producer on the show! But Emily can’t get past the odd connection. “Arie has definitely been a front-runner so far,” an insider reveals. “Emily’s developed serious feelings for him.”

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With all the Real Housewives of New Jersey drama, most of us have likely forgotten Teresa Giudice‘s other reality show: Celebrity Apprentice! While it may not have as much crazy as RHONJ, there’s still plenty of nonsense happening. And Lisa Lampanelli doesn’t want you to forget it!

Speaking to HollywoodLife, the self-titled Queen of Mean hints that tonight’s episode is quite explosive, as she comes to verbal blows with her teammate! “Let’s just say me and Clay Aiken explode at Dayana [Mendoza] so loudly, we renamed our team Team Chernobyl,” Lisa hints. “We have the biggest eruption.”

“I feel like I’m finally vindicated,” Lisa continues. “A man, or as close to a man as Clay can be considered, is going to be backing me up and saying, ‘Wow, Lisa was right all along.’ I saw him yelling at her in the preview, and I was like, ‘You go, Blanche from The Golden Girls!’” Um… why is Lisa so impressed with her cruelty towards people. She does realize she’s embarrassing herself on national TV?

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So tonight is the second episode in the epic fourth season of Real Housewives of New Jersey. While the filming took place months ago, the ladies have still not recovered from slights, bruised egos, and cookbook insults. #OliveGardenGate2012. Let’s make this a thing on Twitter, people!

Apparently, all the drama,  which has been dangling like a sequined bikini in front of her Jersey-loving noses, has paid off big-time in the form of ratings. Last week’s RHONJ season premiere was the highest rated premiere in Bravo history with over 3 million viewers tuning into watch the ‘when you’re here you’re family fest.’ In fact, last Sunday was Bravo’s best-rated night in network history, according to TV By The Numbers, with the network ranking as the highest watched channel in the 18-49 age range. Wow!

I guess no matter how much complaining I do about the trashiness overtaking the shows, it’s not gonna change because people are watching—big time!

Proving that the drama will continue, the ladies of NJ took to their Bravo blogs to talk last Sunday’s episode and do what they do best—complain about each other! Gotta love public venting!

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Well, well… the blondes of Real Housewives of Orange County are separating faster than tanning oil and water—and the blow-ups are about to get bigger than Alexis Bellino‘s twins. The pair always exploding out of her blouses!

Last week the writing was on the wall (can these ladies read?) for Alexis and former BFFL Gretchen Rossi when Gretch not only insulted one of Lex’s part-time careers—the newscastering one—but she claimed Alexis was the producers second choice. And who was the first choice? None other than Gretchen, herself! Some girls have all the luck – she’s part of a world renowned dance troupe, she’s dating Slave Slimey, and Fox5 thinks she’s news worthy! #jealous

Upon learning that she was Gretch’s sloppy seconds, Alexis was hurt, and offended. Hey, who wouldn’t be? I mean they are supposed to be friends, right? So Lex decided to do what all good newscasters do—a little investigative journalism! “The minute Gretchen left my home I called my Fox Five producer to confirm if this was true, and she said it was absolutely not true,” Alexis reports in her Bravo Blog. “They were only asking Gretchen to do one segment as a co-host with me, and had no plans ever of giving Gretchen her own correspondent position.”

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After much back and forth about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ season three cast and some speculation that Brandi Glanville would again be relegated to “Friends Of The Housewives;” it seems our sassy Xanax-loving friend will be officially added to the cast. She’s earned her stripes and now, she’s a real Housewife. Something tells me that after she took on the Twisted Richards Sisters she had sealed her fate in gold!

According to RadarOnline, Brandi is a full-time cast member who will be getting a good portion of camera time this season. “They’ve offered her a full time role and she will be included in the promotional cast photos and will have her own introductory segment at the beginning of the credits. Brandi is absolutely thrilled.” Who else cannot wait for Brandi’s intro?

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