Last night was part 3 of the Real Housewives Of New Jersey reunion and it was officially the end of an era. Teresa Giudice, headed to prion in a few scant months, told Andy Cohen this was probably it for her – she meant it – she seemed at peace and ready to move on. “I 80% regret doing the show and 20% don’t,” she admitted.
Teresa didn’t go into why she regrets it, but I think we can all surmise that one of those reasons was sitting to her left in a white dress, and the other two were backstage pretending to be pure of motive, while eating cannoli, and the third one was in the green room having his 5th or 6th glass of rotten egg smelling wine; tawking too loud and laughing a bit too convincingly like everything was OK. Now sure, Teresa is mostly sowrry she got caught defrauding banks, but I think she’s mostly mostly sowrry that she’s realized how much she has to lose. Mostly her dawters – she wishes she could take them with her because she’ll miss them so much.
Teresa says her favorite memory on the show was Audriana being born in season 2. And when she gets out of jail she doesn’t think she’ll be back – instead she wants a cooking show. I do not think Teresa will be back. I think she will get a spinoff, of that I am positive. Will she take that spinoff? Who knows. Yes, she’s broke. And I also think this the perfect time for Bravo to wipe the slate clean and completely start afresh with all new women. Sowrry Melis!
It’s too little, too late, but legendary financial guru Suze Orman is administering some advice to legendary financial frauder Teresa Giudice! Like, remember that penny you found in the bathroom at the Real Housewives Of New Jersey reunion? Save it! Like, duh!
I kid. Most specifically Suze is advising all women – based on what happened to Teresa – not to blindly allow their husbands to control the money. Know what is going on in your family’s finances. As you recall, Teresa and Joe Giudice have both claimed he was the ‘mastermind’ (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) behind their 41 count financial fraud indictment and Teresa was just an innocent player in signing her name to whatever document he put in front of her!
“It’s a prime example for women, that if they don’t think the behaviors of somebody that they are involved with financially-speaking is going to affect them, I’m here to tell them they’d better watch what’s happening,” Suze states, explaining the situation Teresa found herself in, leading to a prison sentence and her businesses to collapse as a result of the negative publicity.
NeNe Leakes seems to have forgotten where she came from! Since landing a gig in Broadway’s Cinderella sources reveal that her ego is out of control – and she thinks she’s a big-name star! As she prepares to perform in the play NeNe is bragging about a potentially star-studded guest list coming just to see her!
“Kim Kardashian is coming to see me, and she’s bringing North. Teresa [Giudice]’s bringing her daughters,” NeNe boasts. “More celebrities will come. I’m sure.” Umm… celebrities or “celebrities.” But of course, Kim will come, because duh – paparazzi might be there to take photo of her acting like she cares about igNori. But I suppose, a children’s play is better than a fashion show!
I imagine Leah Calvert and Jeremy Calvert‘s decision to work on their marriage went a little like this: they touched hands while both reaching into the Cheeto bag at the same time. There were sparks – and Hot Cheetos were made. Then the Teen Mom 2 star dumped the bag out on the coffee table and instead of reading tea leaves to predict her future, she read Cheeto dust. It said Jerrrrr-meeee and Leah – FOR-EV-ER.
Then Leah realized she could highlight her hair using the neon orange Cheeto crumbles, and do a vow renewal at the Mingo County Community Center (real place y’all) or in Nitro, WV (real place, y’all!) and honeymoon at the Boones Farm Dispensary. Or you know, maybe she and Jeremy just started following each other on twitter again and changed their Facebook statuses from “Divorced” to “It’s Complicated” Both are equally insane ways to deal with a marital problems, amirate?!
Cynthia Bailey‘s marriage to Peter Thomas almost never happened, but happen it did – and it’s been causing Cynthia grief ever since. Apparently that is partially The Real Housewives Of Atlanta’s fault. Of course, it’s also NeNe Leakes‘ fault. Speaking of which, Cynthia says NeNe’s days as star of RHOA are numbered – well that’s it, it’s time for a reality TV divorce!
Regarding their marriage, Peter has threatened to cheat, wanted a love nest, gets in fights with her friends, can’t keep a business afloat, her family can’t stand him, and – and! – when Cynthia had fibroids the dude could not cope! Cynthia says this season her marriage has improved now that NeNe is out of her life, but she and Peter still continue to have a bevy of financial problems – he declared bankruptcy, Bar One is currently in the process of being relocated after the owner of the building was foreclosed on, and Peter can’t afford to put gas in his Mercedes.
Oh Vanderpump Rules never fails to disappoint does it!? And last night Peter Madrigal was allll riled up, which is HOTTT times a million. I digress. The important things were that in the battle of the girly-men, Tom Sandoval got his false eyelashes ripped off and his delicate constitution bruised, and James Kennedy got his size 23 skinny jeans protected by Kristen Doute, who was punching the beglitter out of Tom 1. Pent up rage, anyone?
Tom Schwartz, well he tried in vain (“vain” being the operative word) to break things up, but OMG – his hair! His pearly, flawless skin! His modeling career.
Scheana Marie Almost Famous just released her latest single, “Shake That” which is an homage to her idol Britney Spears. Scheana also recreated a famous Britney cover from her album Britney Jean, by using neon graphics against a black and white headshot.
“I’m really happy with how it came out,” Scheana gushed. “It’s my favorite song I’ve done so far. How can I top it?” Oh I don’t know, unless auto tune comes out with a newer version!
I personally have been digging into this story, since we’ve been hearing so many conflicting reports, and the Signature Apparel Bankruptcy fraud case involving Jacqueline, Chris Laurita, and his brother, Joseph is raging on – no matter how much Jacqueline wants to pretend it’s over and done with!
The Lauritas, the former owners of Signature Apparel, LLC, are accused of misappropriating company funds, to the tune of $8 million, for personal use – including vacations, cars, private jets, homes, and shopping – but then filed bankruptcy in 2009 to avoid paying back debts. At that time Signature Apparel was also boasting millions in revenue. Creditors protested the bankruptcy to the trustee, who after investigation, then filed a claim against the Lauritas, resulting in years of court back and forth for the Real Housewives Of New Jersey stars.