Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies bored us to death and then got crotchety and bitchy at Portia's fourth birthday party. I don't know about you, but I always aim to get my drunk on and cause some trouble near the ring-around-the-faux-unicorn corral. Don't step in the shit, girls!
Before all that there were Househusbands in heels, some really bizarre timing, and a peace offering tree trunk that landed like deadweight and the fall was heard round the BH. Oh, and stage moms from hell! Weeee!
Watching this show makes me think that the zombie apocalypse will come from fillers and Botox eating the brains of the living and causing us to look like melted wax-faced drones incapable of moving our faces and conveying emotions. Brainless and melty faced, the streets of Beverly Hills will be filled with ladies hobbling around similarly to the way Paul Nassif and Mauricio Umansky did in their heels.
So things begin with Kyle Richards and Adrienne Maloof spending my yearly paycheck on clothes for Portia. Is $300 the standard budget for a birthday present there or is this just price inflation at work because four-year-olds spill a lot and do not need zillion dollar wardrobes (or birthday parties).
Of course the real reason for this shopping trip had absolutely nothing to do with poor scapegoated Portia; the real reason was so Adrienne could talk about her nemesis, Lisa Vanderpump. Apparently Adrienne is ready to put the past behind her but Lisa is unwilling to forgive, that makes Lisa "childish."
Adrienne claimed her six-year-old son Christian had several broken fingers after being with Paul and she not only took him to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, but she involved LA Child Services to investigate the matter!
According to TMZ, Adrienne told doctors the injuries were sustained when Paul and their son were "playfully kicking each other" and then Paul pushed Christian to the ground causing the injuries.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, things took a turn for the dour. Lets just say there were a lot of tears and too few drunken antics, but sometimes a little Housewives Xanax is needed after all the insanity!
Things begin with Joanna Krupa getting her charity on and thankfully she's not exposing her pubes to raise awareness this time. This time, she's competing in a charity volleyball game. Joanna + bikini = $$. Karent Sierra and Lisa Hochstein are cheering her on – and curiously absent is Romain Zago.
A somber Joanna fills them in on the grim reality post boobnight bitchslap. Although Romain and Joanna are still technically living together they barely speak and he works overtime to avoid her.
Joanna takes to the court and is surprisingly good. For some odd reason I was expecting it to be a gobsmackingly appalling performance. And after the match Romain arrives to show his better late than never version of support. They decide to go have a chat because I mean who doesn't want to have a personal and heartfelt conversation about their relationship in public, at a sporting event?
Oh,Real Housewives of Atlanta is not disappointing this season, is it? These ladies decided to bring their A-game, shake things up, and screw with the conventional norms. Behold, NeNe Leakes has suddenly undergone some sort of an Oprah/Iyanla reinvention and is above petty drama and all about peace, love, and miniature people friendships.
And Cynthia Bailey is now in your face, cutting claws, and getting catty. And who else is switching things up? Why Kandi Burruss! Apparently love brings out her sassy side.
In addition to all this fuckery we are also forced to contend with Kenya Moore. And Kenya Moore is certifiable. I mean girl, really – you thought reality TV was the best outlet for your mental instability? Or perhaps lady is just really, really trying to score some Academy Award winning acting gigs…
Well it finally happened! Royce Reed is officially dunzo with Basketball Wives. Amid rumors that she along with Jennifer Williamshad been fired from the show after the tumultuous season 4, Royce confirmed yesterday that she is, in fact, leaving the show.
Royce announced the news on twitter where she explained to fans she won't be returning next season.
I've long believedReal Housewives of Atlanta's popularity in part derives from its diversity. While all the other Housewives franchises are serving up rich, white ladies of the bleached and botoxed variety, Atlanta has stood out from the pack by offering variety – and one that better represents America. Apparently NeNe Leakes agrees with me.
"In the…'Real Housewives' franchise, we are the only brown girls," NeNe said speaking to The Insider. "You can always turn on the TV and see those Beverly Hills girls, those Miami girls, those New Jersey girls, [and] New York girls and you still sort of…get the same flavor, but when you turn and see the 'Real Housewives of Atlanta,' you're getting a group of brown girls."
NeNe also believes the lack of obvious plastic surgery and the still moving faces has something to do with why viewers watch. It is true that Atlanta serves up emotion like none other – and it's possibly because their faces have more than one frozen, puffy expression!
Gary Brown, the victim, decided to press charges and due to the severity of the act it was promoted from a misdemeanor to a 3rd Degree Felony. Last week Peter, 20, decided to plead "Not Guilty," reports CBSMiami. Peter did not appear in court, but his attorney entered a written plea and the judge set a court date for November 29th.
If convicted Peter could face up to five years in prison.
Moving on, Karent Sierra has had a difficult time adjusting to her co-stars on Real Housewives of Miami. And her sparkly veneers are cutting everyone the wrong way. Speaking to NBCLatino, Karent confesses she just doesn't care what the other ladies think and she had no intention of being BFF with the entire cast!
She also dishes on her TV/fame aspirations and how Rodolfo went from love of her life to yesterday's news as soon as the Bravo cameras stopped rolling.