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This has been an eventful week for Farrah Abraham – she released a song that’s destined to be a Grammy contender for least decipherable lyrics, she announced that her memoir comes out next week (paging the NY Times Best Seller list), and she was accused of abusing Adderall and Xanax. All in the days life of a an adult who wants to act like a Teen Mom, I s’pose.

Well, of course Farrah is denying the accusation that she has a little problem with drugs. “These are ridiculous, untrue claims,” Farrah insists. The claims in question were made by Austin Mathouser, a teen mom herself, who won a contest to celebrate Farrah’s 21st birthday with her.

According to Farrah, Austin is just another famewhore looking for a chance at her 15 minutes. “It’s very sad that another mother would make up such stories, especially when I invited her out and treated her like a friend. In return, she was fake and wanted to make money off of hanging out with me,” Farrah fumes.

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Joan Rivers is brash, outrageous, and really really wacky. In the latest scheme from the gracefully aged star of Joan and Melissa, Joan decided to stage a little shop-in at Costco to protest the chain’s decision to not sell her raunchy memoir.

Joan’s book, “I Hate Everyone … Starting with Me,” has spent more than six weeks on the NY Times best seller list, but that doesn’t mean the family-friendly Costco chain has to carry it. Well, Joan decided that was simply unacceptable. The 79-year-old TV host arrived at a Burbank, CA store to let them know if Costco hates her, well she hates them right back.

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It’s been almost a year since Russell Armstrong‘s death and his remains have finally been laid to rest in both of his home states, Texas and California.

Although a funeral was held for Russell shortly after his death, his remains were not present and he was only recently laid to rest. Russell passed away on August 15, 2011.

According to Celebuzz the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star was cremated and following a long battle over where his ashes should be buried it was ultimately decided to divide his remains between Taylor Armstrong and his family in Texas.

Last Friday, Taylor finally laid her portion of Russell’s remains to rest at a plot in the Columbarium of Morning Hope section of the Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Hollywood Hills, CA. “Taylor was due to go through with the ceremony months ago but it was canceled at the last minute. She finally was able to say goodbye last Friday,” a source shares.

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Lord help us all, the biggest Real Housewives of New Jersey famewhore to ever hit the garden state (or Bravo) is unleashing a new book upon us. Yes, yes… if you thought the literary prowess of Danielle Staub was paltry, feast your eyes on Kim Granatell‘s attempt!

Kim’s book will detail her experiences on RHONJ of course, the implosion of her marriage, why she was so crazy, and her new life as an ex-wife starting over. I don’t think all the words in the world could explain why Kim is so nuts, but ok.

Kim says she was forced to start over once her husband left her and the show ruined her reputation, but it was all a blessing in disguise. “Everybody had the wrong idea about me because of what they saw on ‘reality’ TV,” Kim asserts. Afterwards, “I became very isolated.”

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LuAnn de Lesseps just wants to have a storyline baby, y’all. She wants to keep her much younger man by proving she’s not so close to menopause after all. Or does she?

In a new report by the Huffington Post, the Real Housewives of New York star’s MOTHER claims LuAnn doesn’t want any more kiddies because she had her tubes tied following the birth of her son Noelle. Noelle is now 16.

“Luann’s tubes were tied after her last kid,” LuAnn’s 80-year-oldish mother announced at the RHONY premiere in June. When asked to clarify, her mother was emphatic: “Her tubes are tied!”

LuAnn claims her mother was merely joking. “If she said that, it’s my mother’s way of joking,” Luann insists. This seems about as much of a joke as the Ramona Pinot caper at the Wine Olympics.

Adding, “She had seven children, and at this point, she would rather travel with me than babysit, but it’s absolutely not true.”

[Photo Credit: PNP/WENN.com]

TELL US – WHOSE TELLING THE TRUTH: THE EX-COUNTESS OR THE EX-COUNTESS’ MUMMY?

 

 

Sometimes I watch these shows and I have no idea what happens. It’s just a passive aggressive cluster eff of pinot slurring, sloshing, and rambling. On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York it was just one big Poopy the Pig moment after another.

So where shall we begin? Ahhh… the bellows of an UES town home situmatated next to a parking garage. No bueno. In the belly of the beast sits Sonja T. Morgan, wearing the merest blush of pink, sipping her water and preparing to be wowed by the business savvy of Heather Thomson and her Yummy Tummy brand expert.

There is also a surprise guest: Pinot Singer, sporting what I can only describe as an outfit straight from Gianni Versace’s 1992 collection. Oh, that blouse with that belt. Please – save this woman from both her pinot and her dated wardrobe.

So yeah, Heather and her brand people arrive and it’s head-butting and butt-head acting and sniping and waffling and furtive glares and Ramona holding court like she’s Sonja’s bodyguard. She’s interrupting and speaking over people and acting like people take her seriously. All of Heather’s team was just eying her warily and mentally assessing that based on this shenanigan Sonja’s toaster oven was going to burn.

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America’s least successful matchmaking show has spawned another walk down the aisle! Although these two smarties have never tried to meet the love of their life under the glare of reality TV cameras. Oh, no – they found each other BEHIND the reality TV cameras. Two Bachelorette producers tied the knot this weekend with Chris Harrison officiating the ceremony. Awwww…

Cassie Lambert and Pete Scalettar said “I Do!” in Malibu under the guidance of Chris (who probably made sure they gave each other the final rose) and it was a full-on reunion as the guest list was filled with former show contestants.

“It might be a new job for me,” Chris joked with People Magazine. “They asked me in Prague this season when we were there if I would do it for them. … I love them to death and I’ve seen then grow as a couple and I love them as a couple and as individuals.”

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LuAnn de Lesseps is a notorious know-it-all but there’s one subject she actually may have some authority on: reality TV and one’s marriage. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Adrienne Maloof recently announced she was separating from her husband of ten-years, Paul Nassif.

Well LuAnn, knowing from experience, warns Adrienne not to let a reality show interfere with her marriage or her family. I mean after all, one doesn’t want to become a disgraced discountess!

“Don’t let reality TV mess with your family,” the Real Housewives of New York star warns Adrienne. LuAnn has experienced her husband’s infidelity (and her own) becoming a show plot-line and she has also been involved in accusations against her teenaged daughter on the show.

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