Oh Alexis Bellino… why? Why you do this to me? Who will be the burst of ridiculous in a sea of bitches who take themselves way, way too seriously? I blame Gretchen Hiss-tine Bootay for this! To commemorate one of my favorite delusional blondes with boobs as big as the Hollywood Hills I now present, Jesus Barbie: A Retrospective. Let’s recap some of Alexis’ greatest moments, shall we?
Apparently there are A-LOT of women formerly married to A (or A-ish) Listers who are desperate for some reality TV fame of their own! Hot on the heels of the success of Hollywood Exes, TLC – the network that has brought us every wedding show imaginable and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo – is deciding they want to get in on the action.
According to The Huffington Post, the network just began production on a show tentatively titled "Starter Wives," which basically follows the exact same premise as Hollywood Exes. Focusing on the lives of seven women – once married or baby mamas to big names – who will reveal what their lives look like post break-up.
Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives of New York and as you well know by now Season Finale is a euphemism for fights, meltdowns, and histrionic antics.
Yep, surreptitious nonsense was the mantra last night as the ladies desperately tried to out-rude each other and deny any infractions once caught. Ok, so not everyone was an outright embarrassment to humanity, but at least three people were! Lets here if for LuAnn de Lesseps – our countess of redemption. She actually behaved semi-classy and um, like, normal-ish last night.
So Carole Radziwill, the le chillest Housewife ever is having some sort of charity ping pong party. Seriously – last night was just events cubed. It was events, events, events – and trips – that's all this whole season was. Which I guess is fine if that's how these women live their lives. It's certainly better than labor and delivery room footage, I suppose.
Carole invited everyone and she's hoping her culottes, borrowed from Lee Radziwill's 1956 summer camp closet, will scare everyone into behaving. It sort of worked – either that or everyone collectively and separately likes Carole enough to keep it in check – at least temporarily. Aviva Drescher arrives with an agenda. And that agenda was to talk about herself at length and dominate all conversations with a litany of complaints about Pinot Singer.
Oh, Teresa Giudice. Didn't your very sweet mama ever teach you that if you don't have anything nice to say, zip it? I'm guessing that old-fashioned adage came before the era of reality TV! In the days following the first installment of the circus of crazy known as the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, all eyes are on the ladies as they scramble to defend their deplorable behavior.
In a Bravo blog I'm suuuuure she wrote herself, Teresa sorta, maybe, kinda, a little bit takes accountability while also pointing fingers at others. Just to be fair – all the ladies are behaving similarly! Let's get this started.
"Like every Housewife in every city, I think filming the reunion is one of the worst parts of our job. It's a long, long day, it always gets ugly, it's hard to sit through and even harder to watch. At least this year I knew what I was walking into: I knew the other cast members, even my family, were going to band together to bash me. Last year was a total shock. This year was just sickening and sad."
"They're so desperate to make me look bad. Here's the thing: I don't care. I know who I am and I don't need to prove it to any of them. And I'm certainly not going to waste my off-camera, family time looking up words in the dictionary and making obsessive lists about them."
TMZ was able to nab some photos of Scrappy, aka Darryl Kevin Richardson II being cuffed and hauled into DeKalb County Jail. Is Phaedra Parks his attorney? She needs to be!
Scrappy is on probation for a 2008 marijuana conviction, when he was also caught carrying a concealed weapon. He was sentenced fo five years probation – and ordered to stay away from alcohol and drugs. With one year left to go he was busted.
Um… shouldn't he go back to making music or something?
It seems like only yesterday that that the newly revamped Real Housewives of New York started. And now tonight is the season finale. Reflecting back on the season, I have to admit – I've really enjoyed it. Perhaps I am cross-referencing it to Jersey, but overall I like the new ladies and well, it's been nice to see less vitriol and more class. Well, at least a little teeny, wee bit more class.
In honor of tonight's final episode here's a list of the most memorable moments from this season!
'Andy! Andy! Andy! Your mom's a liar, your dad's a coward, and I slept with them both – and Juicy, bitch! bleeep, bleeepetey, bleeep, bl-bleeep, bleep, c-word.' Oh was this Jerry Springer we watched last night or Real Housewives of New Jersey? I really couldn't tell because it was so embarrassing, disgusting, and low-brow.
Whatever happened last night, I am fed up. And I am incredibly horrified by the behavior I witnessed. There was once a time – long before many of you wee youngins were around – when grown women who were also possessors of the title "Housewives" behaved like grown women on TV.
And then this stuff started happening and the bottom dropped out. But to draw it out until people stoop to the lowest and expose their families as truly dysfunctional is not what Housewives was ever about. If I was interested in watching Intervention, I would! I'm not.
Frankly, I am bored with the over-blown drama, the orchestrated plots. The storylines that never reveal the true story but always read between the lines. And the lies. So tired of the lies.
And I'm really saddened this is what it's all become. So sit there, smug and manipulative in your $2000 suit, Andy Cohen, and continue acting like you're none the wiser and it's all a little game. Just keep sitting there like the king of fools.