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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, Tamra Barney got her titties (not to be confused with tits) reduced, Vicki Gunvalson ran like the devil from a white trash harlot itching for a fight. Gretchen Rossi‘s singing caused me to pause the television so I could belly laugh for approximately five minutes. And Heather Dubrow hosted a bowling party … which got quite dramatic.

Things start out with our fair maiden Tamra visiting the manor atop a hill overlooking the sea. No this isn’t Once Upon A Time, it’s still RHOC and Tamra is merely visiting Heather‘s house. She muses about the view while gulping over the sheer abundance. See, unlike the ladies of RHOBH Tamra isn’t used to such opulence or actual wealth.

Heather calms Tammie Sue down by pouring wine down her throat and then announces she is hosting a bowling and champs party. Except champs is pronounced shamps. Heather finds this to be a clever thing to do and is quite amused with herself for coming up with another unconventional party to keep the ladies on their toes. She loves mixing the up with the down and the fun with the irregular – like taking a helicopter to LA for the day, for instance. She cited that as an actual example.

Heather reveals her true motivation is not to show off her quirky, yet classy, party planning techniques but to get the girls together to mend fences. And there went the class she was anticipating – out the window, over the cliffs, and right on into the Pacific. Maybe some lifeguard will pick it up down in Juarez (if the ocean current even runs that way – geography eludes me).

Tamra gulps back her wine, smiles a tense smile, and comments that, like, Vicki and Gretchen kind of hate each other. Heather smiles, nods, and is like ‘duh, that’s the point!’ in response. Heather has the oddest smile doesn’t she? It’s like the Chesire Cat grin with no teeth? I’m not the only one seeing this, am I? Maybe I shouldn’t drink wine and watch HW?

One other small snafu – Tamra will not be able to attend. She’s getting her titties reduced that week and will be out for the count. No bowling and champers for this girl. Too bad, cause I bet Tammie Sue had a mean strike back in ’85 when she was the hook-up queen of BFE, Idaho or wherever she’s from. All big hair and bigger balls. But not quite those big bazoonkas – those came later when she became the hook-up queen of ’98 in Orange County.

Tamra and Heather talk Brooks Ayers and Vicki. Tamra, proving she’s a good friend, is worried for Vicki because she thinks Brooks is a little like a shark who smells blood in the water and is swooping in for the kill. He senses that Vicki is vulnerable and tired of her love tank running on fumes, so he’s saying anything in his power to sweet talk the little rich desperada.

Proving just that, Brooks and Vicki do lunch and he opens the date with a card. Is this man keeping Hallmark in business or what? Does Vicki need a storage unit to house all those affirmations? Does she have a special box devoted to the cards that reassure her she does not look like Miss Piggy? Vicki says Brooks wants to move here, but is worried about leaving his children behind.

Anyway, Vicki and Brooks talk their love and it’s gross and I’m glad I wasn’t eating alongside them cause I would have surely asked for a doggybag and high tailed it out of there. Then Brooks asks Vicki what assets she’s getting in the divorce from Donn. That was so awkward. You know Bravo forced him to bring that up. She’s getting the big house, the house Jeana sold her that has tanked in value because Slave‘s stuff was hogging up the garage for close to a decade, and her retirement fund. Donn gets the beach house. And the dog.

Vicki tells us their love is a beautiful, fun ride down a winding scenic road and she is so thrilled that all her tanks are full. ALL her tanks? Is she the Starship Enterprise? She has reserve fuel now? Then she admits Brooks has access to all her accounts – email, banking, off-shore savings, whatever. A fun ride indeed – Vicki’s bank account is about to be as empty as her love tank. She loves that Brooks is romantical, unlike Donn who didn’t blow the mortgage payment on greeting cards. Loser. Tamra is right – this reeks of disaster!

Heather completes a Housewives rite of passage – the speakerphone invitation. Alexis can’t come ’cause she can’t bend over due to her nose job recovery. And Gretchen‘s voicemail insists you call Slave if you want to get a hold of her. So, lemme get this straight – Slave doesn’t work for Gretch, yet he fields her calls and deals with all her requests? Cause that sounds like what a personal assistant does? Is he her Slaveretary?

Alexis Bellino can’t bend over, but she can embarrass herself on the news. Seriously – was this Fox5′s idea of a practical joke? She does her make-up in the public restroom, then rushes out on stage and flubs one of the guest’s names. I kept waiting for her to mispronounce Adriana as areola or something. Then she kept interrupting the panel – which was on kids – and treating it as her own personal therapy session.

Surely this woman is not being paid? Alexis, proving that all the peroxide hair dying has destroyed the few brain cells she ever had, reveals that she wants her own show and she is, like, totally qualified because she took a journalism class in college. First of all – she went to college? AHA! AHA HA! Yeah, Not buying that! Second of all – remember all that stuff that was supposedly removed from her sinuses? I’m pretty sure those were actually her three remaining brain cells.

And all roads apparently lead to delusion tonight, because Gretchen is in the car with Slave driving to a voice coach for her Pussycat Dolls Appearance. Didn’t you know – they’re like a world-renowned dance troupe? Anyway, she’s on the phone telling someone that she strained her vocal chords screaming at Vicki and they’ve never recovered.

At the voice lesson she cannot even muster a chord. Nor is she allowed to speak to the vocal coach because Slave keeps interrupting to explain that Gretchen shouldn’t talk cause she’s straining her voice. Who else thinks he’s just trying to shut her up? Seriously – both of them please play the silent game. For the rest of the season.

Then Gretch starts practicing her scales. And all I can say is that vocal coach’s facial expressions made last night’s episode all worth it for me. That “singing” was like an American Idol reject audition. Oh, holy it was bad. Worse than bad. It was … wow – I don’t have words.

Alexis and her king do dinner. It’s date night! So Jim Bellino ruins it by telling Alexis her job is pathetic and she should basically stay at home in rent-a-mcmansion of the week and wash dishes. Right after Alexis gets done talking about how proud she is that she helped provide for her family in a bad economy while Jim’s scamming suffered and how she is so happy they could work together; Jim reminds her that when they married they became the same flesh. Except her half of the flesh does a lot of cleaning and not a lot of bread-winning.

He then tells her that while Alexis Couture is still pretty much a joke, it can stay if she continues running it from the basement, but Fox 5 needs to go. According to him Alexis only agreed to do it because she has a hard time telling people no. Clearly she would rather be at home hard-boiling eggs. Alexis is furious and retaliates by savagely chomping her poor french fry.

Oh Jim. Remember when you swore that you were not going to appear on camera because this show made you look bad? Well, perhaps you should revisit that proclamation because once again you are looking like a misogynistic ass. Although, a part of me believes he just wants Alexis to save herself the embarrassment of further faux newscastering. Good lord – she is awful! Maybe it was goodness and kindness and love that made him tell her to quit. Or maybe he was mortified by her weekly news cameltoe and cleavage display.

Poor Alexis squeakingly admits in her ITM that she doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom anymore. Then she looks around to check if Jim is lurking behind her eavesdropping. You make that money girl – you need it to pay for the divorce attorney!

Tammie Sue is getting her old titties yanked out in exchange for some natural-sized boobies. She’s nervous as heck, but it’s sure as hell better than keeping the boobs Simon forced her to get. I like her style. She can wrap up the old implants and send them to Simon for Christmas. Eddie has serious concerns about these new so-called small boobs, but Tamra is resolved.

And reason no 6,476 why I wouldn’t be on a reality show: being contractually obligated to participate in post-op filming. <<shudder>> After calling Vicki, who is too busy raising money to pay for Donn‘s alimony and Brooks‘ child support working, here comes Gretchy, sucking up. Gretchen could come ’cause she has no job to speak of. I thought she wasn’t allowed to talk? She reapplies Tamra’s lipgloss, which is apparently more necessary than water, and whips out a bottle of Penis Tequila.

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As par for the course, the children of the Real Housewives of any location are always dragged into the mess that is the show – and sometimes being on TV isn’t so fantastic. Glamour Magazine recently interviewed the adult daughters of some of our favorite (and least favorite) Bravo moms. The girls were candid about their experiences on the show and how it has affected their lives.

Lauren Manzo, Pandora Sabo (née Todd), Briana Culberson (née Wolfsmith), Tierra Fuller, and Victoria de Lesseps spoke out about what it’s like to be on reality television and how they’ve handled their moms’ dramatic experiences on the shows.

Interestingly, some of the girls would love to do reality TV in their own right, while others have absolutely no desire. “I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t get caught up in being on TV for a little bit,” Lauren admits. “I said to my boyfriend, Vito, a while ago, ‘I found a ring that I want. Go buy it, and we’ll get married on TV.’ And then I said to myself, That’s not what I want right now. It doesn’t make sense to get married. I need to become a woman on my own. And I don’t think I could do that right now with a ring on my finger.”

Pandora, who did get married on TV, and whose wedding was featured in last season’s finale of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, confesses she had to seriously consider letting such a personal moment be played out in public. “I’m a more private person than my mother is. So when Jason proposed, we had to think about how we were going to do this wedding,” Pandora shares.

“My mother’s [Lisa Vanderpump] life is on television, but mine really isn’t. I didn’t mind that the planning was on TV, because, to be honest, it’s quite nice to have a record of all that. Who else gets to relive picking out their invitations or their bachelorette party?”

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It appears that reality television has become synonymous with deadbeat parents. In the latest, Kate Gosselin and Jon Gosselin continue to battle it out over their eight children and this time Twitter got involved!

Last week, Kate received a suspicious tweet from a follower who apparently joined twitter for the sole purpose of asking Kate about her custody issues with Jon. “is it true Jon going to court next week for nonpayment of child support?;” the user inquired. Kate was completely shocked and seemingly had no idea Jon had plans to head to court! “I don’t know if he’s going to court but wouldn’t surprise me…. How do you know this stuff?!?;” Kate asked in reply.

The user went on to accuse Jon of being a deadbeat dad, saying he was months behind on child support; revealing that Jon owes $40 per day for all eight of his children and  his monthly payment is a mere $1200.

As for how the user was privy to this very private information – she claims that her niece works in the PA court system and she saw the file. Well, um… seriously I think this spells firing for a certain niece. Aunt of the year, right here!

To her credit, the former Kate Plus 8 star refused to discuss the situation, telling the user: “Woah….I’m not allowed to talk about orders from the court.…”

The user, who has no identifying information, seemingly created the account for the sole purpose of revealing this information.

Jon did not address the accusations, but did take to twitter to advise others not to ask him about the situation. “stop posting about stupid court sh*t. Consider your sources people. Dont need drama during the holiday. Thx,” he wrote.

TELL US – IS JON A DEADBEAT DAD? WAS THIS TWITTER ACCOUNT LEGIT OR STARTED JUST TO SLAM JON?

This season viewers of the Real Housewives of Orange County have watched an emotional Tamra Barney juggle several changes in her life; from finalizing her divorce to Simon Barney to forming a friendship with Gretchen Rossi. I personally would have wondered if Tamra underwent a lobotomy if it weren’t for her omnipresent crass humor. It appears Tamra’s emotionally charged scenes, including her decision to get a breast reduction, stemmed from a cervical cancer scare!

The reality star recently did a sit-down on the The Dr. Oz Show (which will be airing this Thursday) where she shared about her health scare. “I was going through this divorce. I go to the doctor and I have lumps in my breasts and I had cervical cancer that had to be removed.”

Tamra reveals that the diagnosis initially caused “panic” but she decided to confront the situation immediately. “I really went through this like, ‘What is going on with my body? What is going on?’ I’m talking to my doctor about … doing a hysterectomy,” she confessed, “and I have lumps and I’m thinking, ‘Oh my god. I needed to take over my body.’ ” Tamra admits that is what led her decision to have her implants taken out. Wow! Best of luck to Tamra with her health.

Moving on, tonight Sarah Winchester will make an appearance on RHOC and she’s arriving guns blazing! The self-proclaimed Winchester Rifle heiress is billed as a friend of Gretchen and well, frankly girlfriend just screams g-r-i-f-t-e-r. I swear, Bravo seeks these people out intentionally.

Sarah takes issues with people thinking she is just a spoiled, little, hoochie looking for her fifteen-minutes and she wants you to know she works hard for her money. If you recall, Sarah had a rumored relationship with Shane Keough, but she refutes those rumors telling Cinderella’s Glass Closet that she was actually dating a man named Kurt who will be appearing with her this season.

Apparently Sarah isn’t a gold-digger and it was Kurt who insisted she leave her career to travel the globe with him. Wait – don’t heiresses have this thing called an inheritance? Guess not! Here’s Sarah’s illustrious career history: “I do want to state that just because my family history is rich- I am not living off of just their money. I started at McDonalds, and then went on to a law firm, and next a mortgage company. I want to send a message that it is important to work for what you have, and I have done exactly that. I love what I do and am supporting myself financially. I am not solely living off of my family’s money, and I do not live off rich men either.”

Sarah also clears up how she is related to the Winchester Rifle family – and it’s through marriage, not blood. “It is true that my great, great, great grandfather Oliver Winchester,” she explains. “However, I am not related by blood (only by marriage) to Sarah Winchester.”

Sarah insists she was actually initially hired to be a straight-up Housewife, but problems in her relationship derailed things and she opted to sign-on as a friend of the Housewife. Oh, and she only ever agreed to do the show to bring awareness to the charities she supports.

Moving on, the heiress talks tonight’s episode which will feature a show-down with Vicki Gunvalson. Taking to her Bravo blog, Sarah believes she and Vicki just got off on the wrong foot due to all the issues in their respective personal lives that they were both going through at the time.

“I sincerely wanted to find an opportunity to sit down with her to introduce myself and give Vicki my condolences on her condition, but from what I heard Vick’s walls were up, and the likeliness of Vicki meeting anyone halfway on an emotional level right now (including Gretchen and Slade [Smiley]) were slim to none,” she writes.

“Truth be told that made me very apprehensive to approach Vicki any time, but I knew it needed to be done sooner or later. I wanted her to get to know me for the person that I am and covey that we are all here for her if she needs us. Let’s just put everything else aside,” she explains.
“I was going to do my best to try to befriend Vicki at some point for the sake of all the greater issues and hope for the best, but I always say that I cant control what others say and do I can only control the way I react. . .,” Sarah concludes.

Finally, as we all know Vicki and Tamra have a wine club called WinesbyWives; which features wines of the month hand selected by them. When asked if she would be willing to feature fellow Housewife Teresa Giudice‘s Fabellini Wine, Vicki slammed the beverage telling In Touch Weekly she “doubted it was up to their standards.” Ouch! And really – Vicki and Tamra’s standards? Standards which include getting “naked wasted” and serving dinner out a plastic grocery bag? Seriously…

With all that drama just vomited on you poor readers, tonight marks an all-new episode of Real Housewives of Orange County. Heather Dubrow decides to host a bowling party to bring the ladies together and squash some of the burgeoning drama, except it has the opposite of desired effects when Vicki and Sarah get into a screaming match at the event!

Real Housewives of Orange County airs tonight at 9/10EST on Bravo!

THOUGHTS ON TAMRA’S NEWS? ARE YOU EXCITED TO GET TO KNOW SARAH BETTER?

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Last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After was all about good-byes and changes as Coordinator of Chaos Julie Plake announced she would be moving home to focus on her own life after years with the Skinnygirl team. Bethenny Frankel also contemplated having husband Jason Hoppy work with her and help run the Skinnygirl empire. Did I mention Bethenny is running an empire, cause she is, just in case you forgot. She’s, like, kinda the biggest deal since, like, sliced bread. Or bottled cocktails – which never, ever existed before Skinnygirl came along.

Ok, I have to admit after a couple of episodes of really liking Bethenny again, last night she was grating on my nerves with her constant pity party and I’m so amazing nonsense. We get it – you built a successful business on your own. You are NOT, Madame Frankel, running the United States from your 3-bedroom- apartment in TriBeCa with only two twenty-something assistants who can barely send an email. Stop trying to pretend you are.

Anyway, things begin with Julie sitting Bethenny down to discuss her future. Julie lets Bethenny know the time has come for her to say good-bye. Julie will be moving home to Pittsburgh and focusing on her relationship with Drew because she’s completely burned out by giving her life to Bethenny. Bethenny is upset, but supportive, and openly admits that while Julie is great at her job – the job is probably not the right fit for Julie emotionally. Bethenny also recognizes what an agonizing decision this has been for Julie. She handled it with class and gratitude – it was nice.

While sharing the news with Jason, Jackie, and Maggie; Bethenny looks like he’s gagging on that Skinnygirl cleanse she’s drinking. Jason is sad and seems genuinely upset that Julie will be leaving their family, but he is apparently pondering leaving his job to join the Skinnygirl team. In Julie’s absence, Jackie and Maggie will be promoted. Bethenny worries if Maggie will be able to handle the ball-busting Skinnygirl team – and the constant chaos. Poor Julie – she is a C.O.C. no more!

Bethenny heads over to Drybar, which is partnering with Skinnygirl to incorporate the classic Skinnygirl ponytail and margarita into their menu. The owner practices the  classic ponytail on Bethenny and even after the re-do it looks like crap. Maybe it’s Beth’s hair, maybe that lady needs Tabatha to take over, but really – that was one sorry, sad ponytail that looked more ‘I just worked out’ than ‘I styled my hair this way.’  Afterwards Bethenny pours up a cocktail and wonders why people don’t drink in the morning. She prefers morning drunk to go with her morning sex and if she gets a blow-out, Jason should get a blow job, but Drybar doesn’t offer happy ending specials.

Bethenny discusses working with your spouse with the owner, who declares that it’s fun combining the two. One could say it’s the fruit in the sangria. Except Bethenny and Jason have a lot communication issues, so Bethenny seems nervous about adding more strain on their relationship. You know, more like adding a cauliflower to your sangria. Nonetheless, she doesn’t completely rule it out!

Next Bethenny meets up with Matt, her sexy Skinnygirl nutritionist or something. The idea that Matt is sexy is not lost on Bethenny who grills him continually on his single life, specifically if he dates and sleeps with models. Cause Bethenny can, like, relate. Nope, she’s not a forty-one-year-old married mother, she’s a single skinnygirl ready to mingle and dammit she’s good at being a bar slut! Oh, Bethenny… Oh Bethenny…  Matt tells her he told hot girls at Nobu (does Bravo have a secret partnership with Nobu?) that he worked for Skinnygirl. Poor Beth had a wistful look on her face as she wished Matt were picking her up at the bars with a Skinnygirl diet bar ad.

Why do all of her business meetings turn into sex talk and personal life convos? Bethenny fills Matt in on how Jason has a passion for working with Skinnygirl and he is very fascinated by the operation. However she worries about mixing marriage and business. Matt feels her pain and echos that it may result in their relationship being all business talk and no break. Which is an excellent point!

Bethenny takes assistant-in-training Maggie to a high-end antique store where she and her decorator Brooke peruse $6,780,000.* vases. *Numerical values inflated for entertainment purposes. Bethenny is in shock over the prices – which are high. Like, gobsmackingly so. I agree with Bethenny – too scary! No $43,000 chair moments for me! And they definitely are not good for people with children.

Bethenny tells Maggie that Brooke didn’t know her when she was broke (well, no one did apparently because she never was. Thanks, Dad!),  so Brooke expects her to spend lavishly like all her other clients, which include a whole host of famous people. And here comes the ‘I was poor and couldn’t pay my rent’ woe-is-me sob story that peppers every episode. After all that shell-shocked nonsense Bethenny discovers some bars that she likes. At $35,000 for the pair, they’re a steal!

Back at the apartment where Skinnygirl lives, the team is preparing for their big Lazy Lingerie photoshoot. Jason, apparently, chose this to be his first day of work with the Skinnygirl crew. I suppose to over-see the shoot (wink, wink). Bethenny is very excited that she has coerced her staff into prancing around her living room in their netherthings while she bounces on the sofa cheering.

Bethenny, again, explains how her business works – it’s like very, very complicated. Let’s talk about how amazing and fantastic and amazing Bethenny’s business is again! She’s so important. She is like the queen empress princess of the whole entire world. Skinnygirl alone is keeping the NASDQ alive. Bethenny’s like patenting stuff y’all. She invented bras! And margaritas! And yoga! Didn’t ya know?! ohmigawd – it’s Bethenny and her empire! It’s just, like, so mesmerizing.

Bethenny announces she is turned on by Julie wearing butt pads while holding Bryn. Dr. Amador is not working. Then she kisses her hairstylist, Stacey, on the lips to steal some of her “jarring” attention hot pink lipstick that oozes sex. Stacey is so getting some – as evidenced by the lipstick and the Skinnygirl neglige. Getting molested by Bethenny is no small fete!

From lingerie to Parenting magazine with an argument about furniture in between. Jason and Bethenny discuss the very real possibility of purchasing $35,000 furniture pieces. Jason makes some valid points about how they have a small child and they actually live in their space, so it will likely get banged up. Bethenny co-signs that she’s incapable of having valuable stuff, but she wants them nonetheless. Hey, I agree with her – if I could afford them I’d be mighty tempted. And they were awesome!

Bethenny then points out that they don’t use their valuables wisely, as evidenced by the expensive bowl being used to store iPod charges. haha. Seriously – that was my favorite scene of last night.

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Jenelle Evans is in a hot crazy mess again! It seems the Teen Mom 2 star has broken up with most recent boyfriend Gary Head. Instead of doing so in private like, you know, a normal person; Jenelle and Gary took their break-up and subsequent feuding to the capital of Famewhore Nation – Twitter.

Apparently things started to go bad for the lovebirds over Gary’s alleged cheating and Jenelle’s refusal to give up Kieffer Delp. Jenelle believes Gary slept with her former BFF Tori Rhyne and Gary discovered she was texting Kieffer in secret.

Just one day after Jenelle Tweeted about how much she loved Gary, “I love my boyfriend/future fiancé TO DEATHHHHHH @gary_head never have I loved someone this much <3;” things changed drastically!

The very next day, Jenelle tweeted, “Singleeeeee :),” followed by, “I’m very depressed me and Gary broke up for good.” Gary had a different opinion. Jenelle’s former true love was apparently singing a good riddance to bad rubbish sort of tune as he announced: “I can honestly say WTF made me stay so long. Some people will NEVER change not even for the ones they love.” Sometimes 140 characters is all you need to get your point across, I suppose.

Sadly, all was not well that ended well. Yesterday Jenelle and Gary’s twitters erupted with accusations and photos – including a video Jenelle posted singing about Gary.

Jenelle told the Examiner.com that Gary – a marine, was physically abusive towards her. “He basically slapped me in my face, and pinned me to my bed,” she reveals. “The way he slammed me down my jaw got popped out of place, and he ended up punching me with his palm.” Adding that she had to “get ice for my cheek bone all night.”

Jenelle claims MTV cameras witnessed the event and felt her bruised cheek. She called the police, but opted not to press charges. “[I didn’t want to] ruin his career,” she explained. In addition to the interview, Jenelle posted a video of herself singing the The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus’ “Face Down,” which is about domestic abuse. That scintillating video is below!

Jenelle also alleges that Gary is $9,000 in debt and about to be kicked out of the marines. Gary has his own perspective on what happened, of course, and denies ever hitting Jenelle or getting physical with her. He confirmed she called the cops, but says charges were never filed because the police didn’t believe Jenelle’s story!

And just days after a report of Jenelle’s dangerous drug use, Gary regaled the twitterverse with a whole host of stories about how Jenelle continues to abuse drugs and knows how to beat her court-ordered drug tests! “she knows when she’s gonna piss,” he revealed. Gary claims Jenelle is still getting high “everynight” on “pills. Acid, heroin, shrooms, an drinking. Drugs that barely stay in the system.” Wow!

Even worse, Gary says Jenelle is abusing prescription pills and gets them from a friend named Nicholas, “hydrocodones every night. How do you get 120 month?” Gary Tweeted. Gary also claims Jenelle is not taking her bi-polar medication. “I tell her every day to take her Meds but there’s always an excuse ex. They make my head hurt or it takes 1 month 4 it to work,” he wrote.

And lastly Gary made it known that he is in possession of an incriminating video starring Jenelle, which he will not be releasing. For her sake, of course. “I don’t want to embarrass her. And Im NOT going to SELL HER OUT,” he tweeted. Gary insisted Star Magazine had contacted him for a story about Jenelle, but he refused to sell her out to the tabloids for money.

Gary says he defended Jenelle against several accusations, including telling people she was doing well when it wasn’t true! “I lied by telling everyone she is doing great when she’s horrible.” Adding, “I dated her for 4 months. I always lied and stuck up for her. It’s time for the truth.” So, um… I’m guessing these two are done for good?

Jenelle’s co-star Kailyn Lowry offered her support during the break-up. Reminding her to be positive. “As much as it hurts, surround yourself with your friends & keep yourself occupied. It’ll help, even a little.”

[Photo Credit: Jenelle Evans' Facebook]

TELL US – THOUGHTS ON JENELLE VS. GARY?

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON TO SEE JENELLE’S MUSIC VIDEO TO GARY!

Well, I knew this was going to be a lackluster season of Real Housewives of Atlanta when Bravo didn’t even bother to redo the infamous intros. And I was right. The season finale served us vibrators, gifts galore, and really nothing much–but it’s all over but the crying, aka the reunion; which is where the good stuff usually happens anyway.

Things started out with Cynthia Bailey and NeNe Leakes furniture shopping; which quickly turned into therapy replete with a sofa long enough for even NeNe to lay down on. NeNe is looking for a sectional–and a second chance at love as she announces that she’s made her decision and is going through with her divorce. Maybe it wasn’t a storyline attempt to get a spin-off after all?

NeNe announces the end of her marriage is like a death–perhaps she can employ Phunerals by Phaedra for a burial service worth dying for! I see trumpets, top hats, and horse-drawn carriages in store for your marriage license, former Mrs. Leakes. NeNe knows Gregg will continue to be a wonderful father and friend–but sadly he must cease to remain a booty call.

And onto more TMI. Kandi Burruss receives her boxes of Bedroom Kandi products. Here comes Happiness and Joy. I’m scared…  She and her Xscape days acidwash micro-mini (holy ’80s) get right to Skype-ing Suki about the new products. Kandi is planning a launch party and she wants to create an evening of pleasure for women. It will feature massages, hot men, and sex toys. I’m pretty sure that’s also called the AVN awards, but anyway.

Kandi lets us know she has been testing the wares and they are so successful at getting their point across, she hasn’t even gotten to vibrate to the music. Suki then announces the “clit-stick” is ready–and it’s waterproof. Kandi proves her freak number is a straight ten when she mentions she could take it on an airplane and no one would know she’s having a pleasure party in her pants. Remind me never to fly first class out of Atlanta for fear of sitting next to Ms. Mile High Self-Rub.

Moving on, Cynthia is also testing out her new products by hosting the first ever Bailey Agency Modeling search. It’s pretty much a low-budget, generic ANTM without Nigel Barker, The J‘s, or Tyra‘s spirited and impassioned speechesl. Lame. Cynthia excitedly finds a few girls which will get free entrance into her school of modeling. There she’ll them the art of being oblivious and how to marry a Papa Smurf all their own. Peter, who is coordinating everything in absence of Mal,  shocks the pants off me when he actually stays for the whole event! Is this a new Peter? Turning over a new leaf? Good for him!

Kandi is also sampling models as she scouts attractive men to take off their shirts and administer massages at the Bedroom Kandi launch. Phaedra Parks and She by Shefired are assisting her with the arduous task of examining attractive men and sexually harassing them. Bravo loves them some rowdy women with raunchy senses of humor, don’t they? Phaedra is, of course, up to the task of examining donkey booties and suggests the men wear Speedos for the main event. Shockingly Kandi vetos that and it’s decided the men will wear pants with a lining to prevent any sort of protruding elements. Everybody knows the lining makes all the difference….

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Despite Bethenny Ever After‘s very low ratings this season, the world can’t seem to get enough of Bethenny Frankel herself! The skinnygirl has been branching out in all sorts of directions, using Bravo and reality television as her own personal marketing platform. One could even say that Bethenny created, what I unaffectionately refer to as, the Bravo Home Shopping Network.

In the latest on Bethenny’s never-ending empire, the star is talking about her upcoming talk show, which will go into limited release this summer on FOX. “I’m looking towards the future. I’m thinking about the talk show,” Bethenny revealed to Access Hollywood. “That’s what I’m the most excited about and the most invested in and focused on… I mean, I got a talk show!”

Bethenny also has a brand new “novel” coming out next month, titled Skinny Dipping. It’s technically a work of fiction, but the main character and the plotline closely resemble that of another skinny girl we all know! Apparently, even though it hasn’t hit bookstores and no one really knows if anyone will buy it based on her previous books reaching the New York Times Bestseller List, Bethenny has already been approached to turn her book into a movie! Oh, lord…

“I’ve been approached for the book to be a film and a television series,” she tells the Associated Press. “My gut says it really is a film; maybe later it could be a TV series. It has the arc, the story, the characters to be a film.” Bethenny is so humble isn’t she?

Bethenny is hoping to wrangle Mila Kunis into playing the main character, aka Neffeny Prankel. “When I thought about the lead character, I thought about people like Mila Kunis,” Bethenny said. “Expect the unexpected. I think that Mila Kunis would be perfect.”

One more thing Bethenny has been working on is her line of Skinnygirl Smooth n’ Shapers. The so-called lazy lingerie will be the focal point of tonight’s episode when Bethenny coerces her entire staff (hopefully minus Dwayne) to model the goods in a photoshoot for the new line. Bethenny said she wanted real women to sport the product, since that is the target audience.

Bethenny released the products are part of her “Real Women” campaign (didn’t Dove already do that?), which evokes women to “glamoflauge” amongst other tips. Below is a photo of a whole bunch of real women in their undies modeling Skinnygirl Shapers!

Which brings us to the eternal question – will Bethenny leave reality television behind now that she has so many other eggs in her basket? All signs point to yes! “I haven’t decided whether I’m coming back,” she shared with Access Hollywood. “I have a good relationship with Bravo and you never know what we’re going to do together, but I don’t know that I want to do this again.”

As for what’s next for the star, she’s not sure about that either. “Everyone asks, are you the next this, are you the next that,” she confessed. “I’m the next Bethenny! I don’t ever look at what anyone else is doing.” One has to wonder – is there such a thing as too much Bethenny? Have we reached a skinnygirl peak?

Finally, tonight marks an all-new episode of Bethenny Ever After. As mentioned above, Skinnygirl does a photoshoot and the team gets turned into sexy mamas! Bethenny and Jason continue to have drama – this time over whether or not he should join the Skinnygirl team and work for his wife. A preview of the new episode is below!

Bethenny Ever After airs tonight at 10/9EST on Bravo.

WHY DO YOU THINK BETHENNY IS SO SUCCESSFUL? WILL YOU READ HER NEW NOVEL OR BUY HER SHAPEWEAR? IS SHE HEADED FOR OVER-EXPOSURE?

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR A PREVIEW OF TONIGHT’S EPISODE!

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