I dunno… maybe Real Housewives of Miami is growing on me. It's so… glossy. I mean, I'm a girl who loves a soap opera and since reality TV is just as staged and melodramatic as Revenge, why not amp up the glamour and make it look as glossy as Revenge. Although if Emily Thorne ever sports leopard print tuxedo trousers with a neon racing stripe Imma have serious issues.
So last night the bionic blonde trio of Lea Black, Joanna Krupa, and Fembot Fakenstein traveled to LA for a little wedding planning. You wouldda thought it was the first time these broads had been on an airplane before with all the handycam footage they were shooting. Lisa gleefully popped a tranquilizer of some sort then put both legs behind her head contortionist style and bragged that Lenny really likes that move. Um… I have never seen an adult woman that flexible – even in yoga – did she get her hipbones removed or something? Is she entirely made of high-grade silicone. She's definitely a fembot.
Then they arrive at Joanna's LA home, which is really pretty. Lisa looses track of her giant suitcase, which weighs approximately double what she does even when she wears 7" platforms. It starts rolling away from her down the driveway. She takes off after it fearing for the life of her Louboutins and ends up in the street desperately tripping over the giant thing. That was seriously the funniest scene I've ever seen on this show. It was classic and adorable.
One thing I appreciate about Joanna is her ballsy candor and she really does seem unafraid to put herself out there, lack of sex life and all! In a new interview with A Drink With… blog, Joanna dishes on the show and insists she's exactly how she seems on TV!
"What pisses me off are people who try to pretend like they are so perfect, I’m not going to name names but it’s really annoying," Joanna says. "Just don’t pretend that you are somebody you’re not!"
One thing she does think was misrepresented about her was that she is an alcoholic. "I don’t have an alcohol problem! Last season was really tough for me because I’m a lightweight," Joanna insists. "After I have one or two drinks if somebody pisses me off I get really verbal."
The boutique owner, who currently lives in South Jersey and is married to reported Colombo associate Edward "Tall Guy" Garofalo Jr. will be joining the cast to cause may-jor drama! Alicia's father-in-law is Edward Garofalo, the mobster that allegedly arranged the hit on Sammy "The Bull" Gravano, otherwise known as Karen's father. I wonder if her inclusion has anything to do with Karen leaving the show?
Sure enough Alicia has been blowing up twitter and instagram with photos of her posing with Big Ang and Renee Graziano.
Last season Porsha Stewart's storyline was all about being the perfect wife. And this season it's all about getting divorced from her former king, Kordell Stewart.
Kordell filed for a wham-bam-thankyou-mam divorce shortly before last season's Real Housewives of Atlanta stopped airing. Reportedly one major point in contention in their relationship was Porsha's desire to continue with the show that made both of them look bad when he wanted her to return to the wifey role! Can't keep a wannabe fameho down, Kontroll!
Since then the two have been bickering majorly and splashing it all over the media! In the recent promo for this season's RHOA (seen below!), Porsha comments that their marriage was strained and hints that the rumors that Kordell may be 'on the down low' are true. "Kordell didn't necessarily want me physically," Porsha is quoted as saying. "And that made me wonder, what does he want?"
The new series, which premieres October 9th, will follow six world-renowned and inspirational mega-pastors from Southern California. The "candid and revealing" show will showcase their different styles of preaching as well as giving viewers a glimpse of their personal lives.
From the press release: "While 'Preachers of L.A.' documents these pastors’ lifestyles, the series also focuses on the daily struggles and triumphs they face as men, husbands, fathers, brothers and friends."
In addition to featuring the pastors themselves, the show will also demonstrate the strong relationships of each of these men and explore their family lives.
Produced by Lemuel Plummer (executive producer of “Vindicated” and producer of “The Sheards”) and Holly Carter (executive producer of “106 & Gospel” and “The Sheards"), both of whom are "pastor's kids" themselves, they promise engaging and compelling stories that need to be told!
I'm just gonna say it – I'm over this crap. Yep, I just called Real Housewives of New Jersey "crap" so nana-nana-boo-boo. Look I'm as mature as the castmembers now!
So last night was part one of the so-called "epic" season finale. It was pretty much rehashing of last season's season finale except there will be actual fist fighting. So they took last season and made it more trashy! Lovely, Bravo. Really just lovely.
Before all that, we were rendered temporarily deaf by Melissa Gorga attempting to sing. While I was holding my head and cringing, Bravo threw Penny Karagiorgis, her Wal-mart extensions ripped off from a Barbie Halloween costume, and Teresa Giudice shrieking at each other in my face.
It's a miracle I did not spontaneously combust right here on my non-made-of-marble sofa while drinking my non-fabellini alcoholic beverage. Maybe next week…
Bethenny Frankel is aware that being a self-described self-help guru does not make you a psychiatrist, right? Oh the delusional never cease to amaze me!
Telling New York Family that giving advice is "like a responsibility," Faux-prah says her dream talk show guest is Amanda Bynes. And why? Cause Bethenny believes she can help Amanda get her wig on straight!
"Amanda Bynes, who is going through something. I know that she would feel safe with me," Bethenny enthused.