So here we are in the high seas with one charter’s breakfast service going to crispy toast in a bread basket. If only KaseyCohen could find her way out of the laundry room to help Brooke Laughton and if only Hannah could find her way out of Conrad’s dreams, Captain Sandy may have gotten either her omelet or her toast in a timely (re: still hot) fashion! Instead, Sandy has to track Hannah down, like a dog sniffing out a dropped piece of meat, and finds her sitting at her computer ordering supplies for the next charter.
Well, well – what a surprise Jenelle Evans is causing drama and chaos and being rewarded for it by MTV! Yaaaaaaaayyayyayay – who’s ready for another crazy Jenelle post?! (I see your invisible hands raised high!)
The rumors that Thomas Ravenel will not attend the upcoming Southern Charm reunion have just been substantiated by Bravo! That makes it official, y’all – it’s a white pants-free zone.
Frankly, I’m not surprised by the decision. Not only has Thomas been battling two high profile sexual assault allegations, but PatriciaAltschul and Whitney Sudler-Smith are not speaking to him in the wake of not only his legal issues but also the vile tragedy that is his girlfriend Ashley Jacobs. And Patricia has made NO secret of her disgust towards Thomas. ‘Bout time lady! Did Michael slip a wake up call in her cocktail and a reality check under her perfectly ironed cat-ty caftan?
OK, y’all get ready cause I’m about to weigh in on the atrocious Southern Charm drama. I don’t know what bee flew into Ashley Jacobs’ hair, but after three months of dating the T Rav she’s abandoned sanity, lost the ability to deep condition, and turned into a Snapped meets The Bachelor crossover!
Essentially there aren’t even words to describe how far Ashley crossed the line, however, the cast, including the target of the tiger’s eye Kathryn Dennis, were asked if they feel Ashley went too far in Hilton Head. Craig Conover definitively summed it up with, “Yes would be the understatement of the century.” I fully expect this to be cross-stitched on a pillow and delivered to Ashley very soon.
And sometimes, if only to spite Naomie Olindo, Craig makes total and utter sense.
If I lost over $1 million dollars in priceless purses and jewelry I’d be traumatized too, and after her home was burglarized last year Kyle Richards still suffers from PTSD: Purse Traumatic Stress Syndrome. (That is literally the cheesiest thing I’ve ever written, but lets go with it here people!).
For Kyle the most upsetting aspect is not just feeling unsafe in her home, or losing her Birkins, but that family heirlooms went missing. “Everything is gone,” the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star shares, and she partially blames herself for the loss.
Oh, Below Deck Mediterranean – y’all knew that you better bring your A++ Game when a friend of Captain Sandy Yawn‘s is the primary charter, but unfortunately Adam Glick was the only one studying up on How Not To End Up In The Bad Captain’s Log. Adam has been there, done that and you’d think Hannah Ferrier, a veteran of the naughty list herself, would know better!
Joao Franco is the douche of the high seas. A serious creep who makes my stomach churn like Kasey Cohen‘s aboard a super yacht! After ending their first crew night out by calling Hannah an over-the-hill goat, he bah, bah, blacksheeps about how he doesn’t have to listen to her because he’s his own man, not some chief stew’s bitch! Hannah sniffs that Joao’s nothing but a “chamois technician” – something which requires no skill, but somehow this show manages to find ALL the people who cannot handle the task!
In episode 3 the yachties return from their first drunken night out as a group. After partying a wasted Joao Franco got rude and mouthy with Hannah Ferrier, then stumbled back to the boat to profess his lust for Brooke Laughton. Brooke, feeling vulnerable after recently being dumped, isn’t quite sure how to handle his confession and reveals to her mother that she’s trying to decide between giving Joao a chance or staying single.