After Lindsay drunkenly announced that Cristina was fired from her job, she got in a car and slapped Everett in the face for “being rude.” This erupted into a house-wide drunken fight during which Kyle just slurred “sorry” at a bag of chips approximately 300 times, until Everett dumped Lindsay, who hid under the covers until Ashely Wirkus came to console her.
We’ve been ranking all the Real Housewives from every season, every franchise and its finally down to the final few. The queens of Bravo, if you will. Click here for Part 1 and Part 2 of our ranking.
What separates a good Housewife from a great one? For me, it’s the longevity of their dramas. Will their actions or comments forever define a franchise as Teresa Giudice‘s table flip did for New Jersey, or NeNe Leakes‘ “Close your legs to married men, Wig!” on Atlanta? A great Housewife doesn’t necessarily have to be likable, but she does have to be memorable, and defining. When you think of a particular show which Housewife comes to mind.
You guys, it’s Katie Maloney‘s life, she can ruin it if she wants to, but everyone else better cheer, clap, and act happy! Frankly I’m confused about what’s even going on with Vanderpump Rules. It is all over the place – like we went from church toJax Taylor and Tom Sandoval trying on Lisa Vanderpump‘s bras to dress in drag for Tom Schwartz‘s bachelor party. Read that sentence back to yourself and tell me this show isn’t perplexing?
Reality Tea is ranking of every, single Housewife from every, single season from almost every Real Housewives franchise. You can find Part 1 of our rankings here. Now we finally return with Part 2 (aka the big ole mush in the middle)!
In Part 1 we mostly covered most Housewives who were either too crazy to be legit, or didn’t make much of an impact, or were just so miscast and off it was painful. Some of them were too nice, or too timid, or not rich enough, or too desperate. If she’s only a Housewife for a season, there’s usually a reason!
First, Eden complains that she’s “STILL trying to get these women to understand me. #NoOneCares” and she insists, “I have a lot in common with the ladies, but no one sees it yet.”
In her blog, Eden defends herself and blames Lipsa-caused confusion for why she got so invested in Kim Richards‘ avowed sobriety and Kyle’s enabling. “I can’t even comment on the Kim and Kyle situation anymore. They should ask their friends how this started! I’m just done. But believe me, I hear Vanderpump! I have mad respect for her and point taken! And Vanderpump is a smart woman. She’ll get to the bottom of this!”
Instead I’d prefer an endless loop of Lisa Vanderpump, going all 20’s gangsterina waving that long cigarette around while she purred a warning to Eden Sassoon.* Because the return of a cigarette while administering prophecy and warnings is the most classically amazing RHOBH thing ever… And this people is why LVP is my eternal favorite. Even if she is manipulating, she’s doing so with a style, glamour, and sophistication that is delightful.
LVP gives the people what they want, and the people want drama – the good kind! What people don’t want is more of Kim’s slurry excuses or Eden’s mish-mashed mumbo-jumbo. Instead put that shit in a smoothie with some of Lisa Rinna‘s Xanax!
On last night’s Summer House, roommates turned enemies, and Lauren Wirkus demonstrated how to lose a guy you don’t want in 10 days or less.
After learning of Carl Radke‘s “betrayal” in bringing a date to a wedding, then lying about it, Lauren has decided she must confront him to let him know A) she doesn’t care; and B) she does care that he lied; and C) she’s a super chill, rational, understanding, forgiving person who totally doesn’t want to marry Carl and have extremely tall babies. Carl got his karma, however, because he came down with tonsillitis at the wedding and is forced to endure an entire weekend in Montauk, including Lauren’s rambling lecture while sober.