On part two of the Vanderpump Rules reunion Lala Kent was asked the hard questions, and Jax Taylor‘s d–k in a pic was put under harsh scrutiny once again. I can’t imagine how he and Brittany Cartwright get it on considering how fuzzy that thing is – I mean… (I’ll be here all week folks!)
One of the major revelations of last night – and I say this with full and utter complete sincerity – is that James Kennedy and Jax realized they are essentially the same person, separated only by a decade, a sexual conquest number, Botox treatments, and a British accent. And nobody pops the lid off a Jax In The Box quite like a James In The Box!
So, after Jax realizing that he’d spent the reunion sitting next to his evil twin, and recognizing that there is power in numbers, Jax gleefully announced that he welcomes a Return Of The James (the Sequel Part 2) to SUR. Then Andy Cohen asked if James would DJ his birthday party. See – everybody loves sober James!
The reunion will reportedly expose Phaedra as being the source behind Porsha Williams‘s claims that Kandi is a lesbian, and that Phaedra encouraged Porsha to make the “date rape” accusation. As a result Phaedra has not being given a “renewal contract” for season 10. Contracts were allegedly already sent last week. (seems a bit earlier than the usual)
Phaedra tried to blame the rumors on former Executive Producer Carlos King (Carlos supposedly had a professional beef with ToddTucker over a reality show on another network and apparently this manifested into a vendetta against Kandi). Kandi has obviously been was VERY, VERY unhappy with her storyline this season. So upset that Carlos was also reportedly fired, and won’t be returning next season.
Bravo is really trying to give us a seizure – or Real Housewives Of Atlanta really has A LOT to talk about! After a crazy season filled with some extremely salacious accusations, and friendships irrevocably broken, the ladies are treating us to a never-before-seen FOUR-PART reunion!
Last night was the season finale of a very, well, bizarre season of Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Thankfully we didn’t relive Lesbian-Gate – we’re saving that for the reunion – but we did witness the official end of Phaedra Parks and Kandi Burruss‘ friendship. Something else happened… Something big, I think… Oh what was it? Hmmmm… OH! Chateau Sheree. Yep, it’s up and running. Almost.
The “Amnesia Season” came to an end with the women bickering dressed like Barbies. It was amusingly perfect because basically every argument was made of plastic and came from Hong Kong. Eden Sassoon wore a freaking bridal gown from the Disney Princess Collection, stayed up way past her bedtime, ate too many sweets, and then threw a tantrum!
Maybe having Sherien Almufti as a surprise guest was the Real Housewives Of Atlanta star’s birthday present!? Well, Phaedra is glad she spent her birthday with Porsha Williams “instead of being ambushed at the OLG opening!” Ambushed… isn’t that kinda how Apollo claims to feel about the divorce (SARCASM).
It’s official – sober James Kennedy is most definitely the world’s greatest DJ/reality TV villain/v-neck shirt wearer/bitchy uptight man child. And on part one of the Vanderpump Rules reunion it was most certainly James who won the night for me. Also Lala Kent came back, and it went well! So far…
First, priorities: we must delve into the wardrobe atrocities that always dominate these things. In this category Brittany Cartwright, bless her heart, was the worst offender. She was wearing what looked like a prom dress turned into stripper stage wear – clearly a Pinterest hack gone wrong. Actually Brittany’s dress kinda looked like one of Katie Maloney‘s bridesmaids dresses.
Hell hath no fury like a Housewife divorced? Last season Bethenny Frankel tearfully exposed Luann de Lesseps‘ fiancé of one minute of cheating, but Luann scoffs that was just Bethenny “projecting her own failed marriage” onto Luann’s perfect, amazing, super blissful, fabulous, happiness! Don’t F–K with A Lu In Love, y’all!
So, like, Luann is projecting her self-described perfect happiness onto Bethenny’s scorn, to cover-up that maybe TomD’Agostino Jr. is actually a cheater, while Bethenny is simultaneously projecting her belief that marriages fail onto Luann’s insistence that marriages work. Does that make sense to anyone? No – it doesn’t, but I need a side-job writing Housewives-related questions for the SAT Test.