Last night was the rather lackluster Below Deck reunion. It turns out, that despite the ENTIRE SEASON FOCUSING ON THIS, nobody really hates Jen Howell (except Kyle Dixon, but that just seemed silly). At least we got the satisfaction of Captain Lee Rosbach telling Nico Scholly how much he sucks. Cause he did (and does).
Nico brought the full package of his douche-holery to the WWHL reunion stage, where he feathered his bangs like a late 90’s Tom Cruise, and acted just as smarmy. Nico regrets that he was caught acting like a self-absorbed, immature, jerk on camera, which he claims was a reaction to his grief. Perhaps, but Lee isn’t buying it. He straight up calls Nico “childish” and tells him he never would have promoted him had he known what was going on behind the scenes. But then later Lee says he’d include Nico in his Fantasy Below Deck All Star A$$holes Draft picks. So which is it – do you Nico, or do you not Nico, Lee?
Well, surprise, surprise Vanderpump Rules fans: Jax Taylor did NOT cheat on Brittany Cartwright! Oh, I’m just kidding – of course he did! I mean Jax probably even did it more than once actually, because Brittany found some false eyelashes in her bathroom once and they didn’t belong to her, or Jax, or Tom Schwartz (who sometimes, when he cries, likes to feel the soft flutter of gently moistened pony lashes on his tender cheeks. It’s comforting. Like a little blanket for his Cabbage Patch Kids face).
Jax apparently cheated with – and potentially knocked up – Brittany’s friend Faith Stowers, who confessed all of this to James Kennedy. Of course – why not confess to Jax’s mortal enemy? James is levitating with glee at this trashy news. Jax vehemently denies it.
It may shock all of you to know this but Faith Stowers, the woman Jax allegedly cheated with, is a major famewhore who’s been an ‘extra’ on Pump Rules for years and has been trying, desperately, to elevate her status. Enter (literally) a drunk Jax, who has no self control.
Vanderpump Rules is back and I love it. It’s ridiculous. It’s fake. Everyone is wasted and ragey and angry and can’t keep it in their pants, and hates each other and themselves, but I love it all. It’s no secret that I also love the Toms! Tom Sandoval promises this season is both the best and the worst, and then dishes on the opening of The Tom Tom Bar and his relationship with Ariana Madix.
“I thought going into Season 6 that, ‘Oh, this’ll be more of a chill season,’ but this is probably going to be one of the more scandalous ones, if not the most scandalous season yet,” Tom shares. “Definitely some mudslinging for sure.”
“We’re a discombobulated Housewives family. At the same time, we are family, you know what we mean? So I think we’ll like always be together,” Luann explained. Dorinda added, “We actually really enjoy each other’s company. I mean it goes to the left sometimes but we do have fun! We laugh so much.”
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlantamost of the ladies shocked me by putting on their big girl panties and behaving like actual adults. It was like visiting the Twilight Zone with the elegant, sophisticated ladies of Sheree Whitfield‘s dreams.
Porsha Williams finally learned the meaning of the word “accountability” and Cynthia Bailey realized if there’s one thing she discovered in her disastrous co-dependency with NeNe Leakes it’s to honor the friend contracts of her heart. Also, Marlo Hampton may have the best wardrobe, but she and her cat eye glasses are as messy as a litter box and need to be dumped!
You know what I despise about Housewives, how they’ll be in a gorgeous restaurant, all dressed up, then ruin it before the food even arrives! NeNe thinks Porsha deserves to be punished for what she did to NeNeKandi Burruss. And that punishment is THE DOOR IS CLOSED.
In a tweet about his decision to promote Nico, Lee admitted, “I think betrayed would be a good adjective here. I got played. Doesn’t happen often, but you be the judge. Not ashamed to admit it. #honestplayer”
New docs reveal that Shannon seeks primary physical custody of her three daughters, and also that her monthly expenses outweigh my yearly income. Somebody’s gonna have to slow her holistic spending roll!
The Real Housewives Of Orange County star seeks to nullify 17 years of marriage based on “irreconcilable differences” when she filed for divorce this week. Shannon is asking David for spousal support, and clearly based upon court documents of her spending she’s gonna need it!