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Katie wedding gown
The countdown is finally over! We Vanderpump Rules watchers have finally arrived at the inevitable nuptials of two people so solely unhappy together it’s almost not funny. So, yes, last night was the debut of Katie Maloney‘s wedding gown and it was even worse than Scheana Marie‘s. But the biggest shock was that Tom 2 actually seemed happy to be getting married. That’s a change!

Tom and Katie spent $51,000 on a wedding in someone’s backyard next to the train tracks, yet Tom couldn’t afford to fly his family out to attend. Only his mom, Kim, the object of Jax Taylor‘s wanton obsession, has made it. Thus far anyway. I guess Jax imagines that Kim is a woman who knows how to make a turkey sandwich?

Anyway, call me confused but wouldn’t you factor ‘flying family to wedding’ into your budget above $10,000 worth of flowers, or a $4,000 Tacky Tuesday rehearsal dinner? Was Tom 2 too afraid of Katie’s wrath or something… Likely he actually fears Katie’s combined forces with Stassi Schroeder, the official plus one of his wedding and entire life. Yes, after all her maneuvering Stassi has finally secured the spot of Maid Of Honor. Unofficially so as not to hurt Kristen Doute‘s feelings, but honestly where else would one place their Celestial Wife in the order of things?

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Cynthia Bailey on WWHL

It’s already been revealed that the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion for season 9 is the most “shocking” and “epic,” but Cynthia Bailey says it’s the perfect time for the ladies “to just address it. People can own up to it or lie about it or not own up to it.”

“I actually like the reunion. I’m a big closure girl,” Cynthia adds, “I’m moving on whether you choose to or not.”

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Kim D - Posche

Kim DePaola has just found herself, or her car rather, in the center of drama far bigger than anything on Real Housewives Of New Jersey! Police are investigating her car after it was found tied to a bizarre execution style double murder! No, I am not kidding.

In this truly strange story, two badly burned bodies were discovered in an Audi registered to Kim and regularly driven by her son Chris Camiscioli. Upon further investigation police found that both victims had been shot in the head before the car with the bodies inside was torched using large quantities of gasoline. They are still trying to determine the identities of the deceased. One of whom is believed to be a friend of Chris’s who was borrowing his car after dropping Chris off at the airport last Wednesday.

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Kenya & Phaedra

Despite the failed Restoration on last week’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, I thought people were moving forward, but like Paula Abdul dancing with a cartoon cheetah it was two steps forward and two steps back … except Kenya Moore and Phaedra Parks do NOT go together because sometimes opposites attack!

I gotta say Phaedra really disappointed me. Usually I’d see Kenya as the cartoon cheetah in this scenario, but last night it was sooo Phaedra! One thing about this trip to Maui was that that the ladies really shed their facades and let their guards down for a change.

The episode opens with Kenya and Phaedra playing tennis, bantering as they batted balls – badly – back and forth. Kenya seems hopeful that she and Phaedra are on their way to a real friendship, but Phaedra is still content to keep things at a distance. Although she’s glad she and Kenya aren’t having drama like everyone else. DUH – DUH -DUH… that’s some horror movie foreshadowing right there! Especially when Phaedra mentions, again, that she doesn’t quite trust Kenya (or any of these girls) with the status of her divorce.

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Harry Hamlin & Lisa Rinna

Harry Hamlin is Lisa Rinna‘s constant protector – her beacon against the storm of criticism and the stalwart counselor she seeks to find balance (or wait – maybe that’s Xanax smoothies). And Harry always seems to be defending his wife over her behavior on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills.

Lisa reportedly got ripped apart at the recently taped reunion, and this week, Harry told Andy Cohen that people need to take a Xanax and caaaaalm down.

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Terry Dubrow & Paul Nassif - Botched

This June, reality TV’s beloved plastic surgery perfecters Dr. Terry Dubrow and Dr. Paul Nassif are back with brand new episodes of Botched.

Who would have thought, all those long years ago, that Terry and Paul would be the breakout stars of Real Housewives Of Orange County and Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, going on to spawn their own reality TV empire by fixing people and their plastic surgery. Botched has since spawned spinoffs, tours, and so much more – including new episodes this season.

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rhobh-hong-kong-junk-boat

Sigh – Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is always one step forward; two steps back. Last night, the ladies journeyed halfway across the globe, from Beverly Hills to Hong Kong, only to find themselves mired in the same old “who said it” drama. Well, it’s good to change it up a bit and fight in new settings, and the gorgeous scenery did not disappoint.

It’s a fourteen-hour flight, which means one could find themselves trapped on an airplane using Kyle Richards‘ hair kaftan as a blanket (or parachute!), or being bored to death by Eileen Davidson discussing trans-particle fusion as applied to soap villainesses and their cognitive dissonance coping skills.

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Tom and Katie - final days

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules traveled through the few remaining days before Tom Schwartz legally yoked himself to Tequila Katie. Actually, Tom has optimistically decided to eulogize Tequila Katie – maybe that explains why they spent $10,000 on flowers! Double-duty for a funeral?

Before everyone converges in the middle of nowhere “where no one can hear you squeal, boy,” (name that movie!) Tom 1 and Jax Taylor must take care of some risky business in the big city. They must summon their courage with a tiny trumpet and drink raw eggs for manliness. They’re doing this for Tom 2. As he relinquishes his bank account, his soul, and what’s left of the d–k he can only partially find, that only partially works, Tom 1 and Jax will be his everlasting strength.

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