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Kyle in Mexico

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, newbie Eden Sassoon wised up, and Lisa Rinna‘s little “words of wisdom” came back to haunt her.

Lipsa may have been having a “mad moment” when she told Eden all about Kim Richards‘ very non-sober life (allegedly!), but Eden remembered every single word, which propelled her annoying badgering of the Twisted Sisters Richards about needing her help. Eden, tired of being hung out to dry in the cold whipping winds of Housewives, came to pay her respect to the queen, Lisa Vanderpump, beseeching her to advocate on her behalf.

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Summer House - Cristina

I think I understand why Kyle Cooke drinks so much on Summer House, because I would have to be drunk to survive friendships with these people. In the center of all of last night’s drama was the fractured friendship of Cristina Gibson and Lindsay Hubbard.

Ugh these two. Ugh all these twos. Especially Lindsay and Everrett Weston.

After Lindsay drunkenly announced that Cristina was fired from her job, she got in a car and slapped Everett in the face for “being rude.” This erupted into a house-wide drunken fight during which Kyle just slurred “sorry” at a bag of chips approximately 300 times, until Everett dumped Lindsay, who hid under the covers until Ashely Wirkus came to console her.

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

We’ve been ranking all the Real Housewives from every season, every franchise and its finally down to the final few. The queens of Bravo, if you will. Click here for Part 1 and Part 2 of our ranking.

What separates a good Housewife from a great one? For me, it’s the longevity of their dramas. Will their actions or comments forever define a franchise as Teresa Giudice‘s table flip did for New Jersey, or NeNe Leakes‘ “Close your legs to married men, Wig!” on Atlanta? A great Housewife doesn’t necessarily have to be likable, but she does have to be memorable, and defining. When you think of a particular show which Housewife comes to mind.

Below, is our top Housewives from Real Housewives Of New JerseyReal Housewives Of PotomacReal Housewives Of New York, Beverly Hills, Atlanta, Dallas, Miami, and Orange County.

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Katie and Scheana fight

You guys, it’s Katie Maloney‘s life, she can ruin it if she wants to, but everyone else better cheer, clap, and act happy! Frankly I’m confused about what’s even going on with Vanderpump Rules. It is all over the place – like we went from church to Jax Taylor and Tom Sandoval trying on Lisa Vanderpump‘s bras to dress in drag for Tom Schwartz‘s bachelor party. Read that sentence back to yourself and tell me this show isn’t perplexing?

Last episode ended with SUR’s Aging Warriors stalking and harassing James Kennedy. This episode opens with everyone acting like it was so stupid that anyone would even bother stalking and harassing James Kennedy. Like, DUH! Obviously!

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RHOA Season 4

Reality Tea is ranking of every, single Housewife from every, single season from almost every Real Housewives franchise. You can find Part 1 of our rankings here. Now we finally return with Part 2 (aka the big ole mush in the middle)!

In Part 1 we mostly covered most Housewives who were either too crazy to be legit, or didn’t make much of an impact, or were just so miscast and off it was painful. Some of them were too nice, or too timid, or not rich enough, or too desperate. If she’s only a Housewife for a season, there’s usually a reason!

Below we continue to analyze and dissect the ladies from Real Housewives Of New JerseyReal Housewives Of AtlantaReal Housewives Of PotomacReal Housewives Of New YorkReal Housewives Of Beverly HillsReal Housewives Of DallasReal Housewives of Miami, and Real Housewives Of Orange County. We’re skipping the short-lived Real Housewives Of DC, because no one even remembers who they are. Well except for one…

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Heather Dubrow shows off her new lips

It’s babies, beaches, and ski trips galore on this week’s instagram roundup! The Real Housewives Of New York stars head to Vermont, Jeff Lewis embraces fatherhood, and Farrah Abraham turns her attention to animals.

Above, Heather Dubrow relaxes after announcing her decision to quit Real Housewives Of Orange County to focus full-time on being Dr. Dubrow‘s guinea pig. “Testing out products for #heatherdubrowsworld segment #hippesthottestnewest ….” she shared. “Sunny and happy! #happysunday #havethemonupsidedown #toomuchtequila”

Below you’ll find photos of red carpet costumes, Brandi Glanville in love, and more!

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Eden confronts Kyle about Kim

Eden Sassoon is getting a rough start to Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills courtesy of taking on the Twisted Sisters Richards. Apparently she didn’t know better! However, Eden is now officially “done” trying to help, and she’s also done trying to protect Lisa Rinna‘s meddling. So it seems like next week we get a whole lot less #Peace #Love #Zen from Eden…

First, Eden complains that she’s “STILL trying to get these women to understand me. #NoOneCares” and she insists, “I have a lot in common with the ladies, but no one sees it yet.”

In her blog, Eden defends herself and blames Lipsa-caused confusion for why she got so invested in Kim Richards avowed sobriety and Kyle’s enabling. “I can’t even comment on the Kim and Kyle situation anymore. They should ask their friends how this started! I’m just done. But believe me, I hear Vanderpump! I have mad respect for her and point taken! And Vanderpump is a smart woman. She’ll get to the bottom of this!”

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Eden gets warned by LVP

Look Bravo, I’m tired of Kim Richards. I think I may have said this before, no? In fact, if I could get through an entire season or recap of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills without saying her name it would be wonderful. I’m sure Kyle Richards feels likewise.

Instead I’d prefer an endless loop of Lisa Vanderpump, going all 20’s gangsterina waving that long cigarette around while she purred a warning to Eden Sassoon.*  Because the return of a cigarette while administering prophecy and warnings is the most classically amazing RHOBH thing ever… And this people is why LVP is my eternal favorite. Even if she is manipulating, she’s doing so with a style, glamour, and sophistication that is delightful.

LVP gives the people what they want, and the people want drama – the good kind! What people don’t want is more of Kim’s slurry excuses or Eden’s mish-mashed mumbo-jumbo. Instead put that shit in a smoothie with some of Lisa Rinna‘s Xanax!

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