Who’s ready for the return of Real Housewives Of New York?! The teaser for season 9 has just been released and it looks like things are gonna get crazy! YAY. Like good, fun, ridiculous, crazy. The show is set to premiere on April 5th!
Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta went left to The Matrix. I don’t even know what happened, but I feel like I entered an alternate universe? Of secret carpet muncher people? Even writing that feels wrong and homophobic. I want to go back home! I want to go click my Louboutins together and be transported to an RHOA of wig tugs, Bloops! and weird pickle photoshoots.
I had forgotten how debased Kandi Burruss and Porsha Williams‘ argument was in the week-off where I watched gorgeous gowns float across the Oscars stage. You can catch up on that recap here.
It was a hard jolt back to reality (I ate the blue pill! On a Monday!) to have the episode open with Porsha accusing Kandi and Todd of possibly planning to drug her then drag her into their hidden sex dungeon. OK – WHAT?!
Porsha “heard this” lurid rumor from someone else. Apparently she believes it. We know how those words on the street work in Atlanta. Turn here for “Liable Suit Way”! Kandi rightfully wants Porsha to present receipts to back-up any of her claims.
We THOUGHT Kim Richards and Lisa Rinna had agreed to move on and stop dwelling on the past, buuuut, apparently not. Well, at least Kim hasn’t.
Living up to her nickname “Rambles,” Kim went on an epic twitter rampage about this week’s episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, where Kim called Lisa a liar and phony and accused Eden Sassoon of using her (and everyone else she knows) for a storyline and being a bad sober person. Just in case you were wondering, Kim still accepts NO responsibility for the issues she and Lisa have had. You can read our recap of the episode here.
Was last night Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills horror story, or what?! A witch hunt! Gossip that comes back to haunt. The poltergeist that refuses to be exorcised. Mini cheesecakes that stalk through the night! The Twisted Sisters Richards back for revenge. The zombie audience of collected Housewives shaking from sugar, desperate to feast on the UN-Botoxed remains of low-carb brain. And Carnie Wilson (!) returns from the dead as a really good counselor.
Anyway, Lisa Rinna fessed-up, owned it, or whatever you want to call it. I have to say that I’m proud of her. It’s not easy to face down Kim Richards‘ demons and live to tell about it.
Well the wedding of Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney is going along full-force like the tornado in the Wizard Of Oz. Except instead of being transported to the land of yellow brick roads and ruby slippers, Tom 2 is being chased by the Wicked Witch of the West and her flying monkeys. Oh love in the wilds of Vanderpump Rules.
Am I the only person LOVING Tequila Tom?! For all my hatred of Tequila Katie, Tequila Tom needs to stick around a little more! He has bottled the worms of his rage up for too long. Let those suckers crawl OUT.
Peter Madrigal said it when he compared his failed relationship to Stassi Schroeder as like oil and water. “It may look OK when you shake it up…” but in reality it is two disparate things that simply do not stay together in the long term. And that is Tom and Katie. They are the fling that never ends – although it should’ve 200 drunken fights ago. And at this point it doesn’t even look good together anymore. No, anymore it looks like a torn, shredded dress and a slept-in smokey eye.
Last week Kim Zolciak‘s oldest daughter Brielle Biermann turned 20. Yes – it’s hard to imagine that when we met Brielle on Real Housewives Of Atlanta she was like 12, but now she’s old enough to have plastic surgery and get married.
To celebrate her mini-me turned BFF‘s birthday, Kim threw Brielle a surprise party at LA’s Fig & Olive – and made sure they wore practically matching outfits.
“Happy Birthday to my angel @briellebiermann I just can’t believe it!!!” instagrammedKim. “I just can’t believe it was 20 years ago today I became your mom! Scared out of my mind yet so excited! Had I known how easy it would have been to raise you I certainly would of had a lot less anxiety! I’m extremely proud of the leader you are, the heart you have and share, the love you have for your siblings, the respect, loyalty, and commitment to your family and above it all how you always have remained TRUE to you!! Keep shining!!! Can’t wait to squeeze you!! Love you oh so much!!! #HappyBirthdayBrielle #TheBig20.”