Of all the things RHONY has taught me it’s that one should never invest in property with a significant other. After separating from Jason Hoppy, Bethenny moved into a Skinny Girl decorated pad in SoHo, but barely two years later, she’s listing it for $5.25.
Last night Kyle Cooke celebrated a birthday on Summer House, but all anyone could think about or talk about or not have sex with was Carl Radke. There’s something about Carl, apparently!
While the Wirkus’s are away, Carl’s roving eye will play. And it casts its spell on Jaclyn Shuman who is all too happy to oblige – to a point. Massages in the hot tub – check! Sexual innuendo – Check! Promises to share a room – Check! Willingness to share a bed… uncheck! Jaclyn is one of those girls who just needs attention. Like if there is a peen in the vicinity she is tracking it like the Chanel coat on a mannequin that will be headed for the sample sale post season.
After she throws herself at Carl all night, and invites him to share her room, Jaclyn directs Carl to the futon and turns out the light. She giggles that she knows what she’s doing, and also that it’s going to look sooooo bad to the rest of the house. So bright and early the next morning, she skuttles into the Wirkus twins room to reveal that Carl was snoring the blue balls away on her futon. Lauren Wirkus is still trying to play it cool-ish with Carl, but Ashley Wirkus has no such compunctions!
Happy Valentine’s Day, esteemed Reality Tea readers! To demonstrate how much I love you all, here is a gushing, love-filled recap of Vanderpump Rules. Last night, we found ourselves dealing with stinky situations in the city of saints, sinners, and voodoo. No, it was not corpses escaping their graves in a zombie apocalypse, it was just more Tequila Katie.
As always, the three-headed shebeast proceeded to terrorize the menfolk in a manner befitting of epic trilogies from the ancient years before cell phones could take photos and people were able to communicate with only the push of tiny buttons. What I’m saying is that Tom 2 is on his own Odyssey, charting a territory only tepidly paved by Tom 1‘s Iliad before him (that would be surviving Kristen Doute). I can’t compare Jax Taylor to anything other than Dr. Jackhole and Mr. Jax’d. He writes his own unsavory story – warts and all.
Last night we learned a few important lessons, mostly that we should never ever let the Real Housewives of any ilk attempt the outdoors. Like nice try Phaedra Parks, but just like your maxi dress, the Real Housewives aren’t a right fit for tents.
Getting out of Atlanta is itself a travail after Porsha Williams has surprise invited her sister Lauren to act as a human security blanket against Porsha’s highly tuned rage. While Porsha and Kenya Moore argue about the merits of their communication styles, Prophet Parks interjects commanding them to STOP and to remember they are all strong personalities who act out. Constantly.
The ladies can’t even get into the woods before fighting erupts over Porsha Williams‘ doctor’s note saying she needs to have a security blanket by having her sister Lauren come on the trip. Things go from bad to worse when the women learn the first night of the trip will be spent roughing it in tents.
A couple weeks out from her Vanderpump Rules exit, Lala Kent is reflecting on her experience and how she feels about her former co-stars. Namely that they’re egotistical bitches, and she’s relieved to no longer try and play nice with them.
Lala was a guest on the Just Sayin’ podcast, which is co-hosted by former Jersey Shore star Sammi Giancola. Lala also discussed her relationship with James Kennedy, the non-disclosure agreement, and what’s she learned from dealing with mean girls.
Since making peace with Teresa Giudice in a much-publicized yoga pic, Danielle has said she’s finally ready to take another turn as a Housewife, so with Teresa officially done with Jacqueline Laurita it seems there’s no better time!
Sources reveal that it’s not certain if Danielle will be an “official Housewife” or only a friend for season 8, which hasn’t started filming yet.