I regret to inform you that last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills was, once again, all about Kim Richards‘ sobriety. At least we got to see some Erika Jayne side-boob this time though – to cover all the bases of Housewives anatomy. Honestly I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than pantygate.
The story of Kim is a sad one indeed. In fact, Kim and Kyle Richards‘ life reminds me of a book I read – a memoir written by Jack Kerouac’s daughter about her adolescence and early adulthood. I initially read it in high school and was jealous of her free-spirited life and her mother who let her do whatever she wanted; she could party, stay out all night, etc. I re-read the book in college and that time I was sad that she had zero guidance or stability.
Lala Kent may have quit Vanderpump Rules, but that doesn’t mean she’s leaving SUR behind. (I hear the fried goat cheese balls are addictive.) Lala says she was at the restaurant this weekend at the very same Kristen Doute happened to be there and that Kristen stalked and harassed her throughout dinner. Well that’s charming!
Lala claims she was there for a business dinner and Kristen started drama with her. “I went to the back area, which is a lounge area where anyone can sit, not just the workers. I go to take a table and Kristen is behind me. She is like, ‘You can’t sit there.’ So I removed myself.”
On last night’s Summer House, Fourth Of July fell on a Monday, which meant the party continued for one more lovely day!
Despite having to venture back to the city to begin a hellacious 3-day work week, the housemates threw a ‘casual’ BBQ brunch, where they frolicked in flag-adorned wardrobes, then strapped on their respectable fisherman’s sweaters and chinos to jettison back to reality later that evening, or in some cases, 4 am the following morning.
Yes, in Montauk every minute is a minute you could be consuming a cocktail, or dealing with a c–k! (or is it dick – I’m conflating the two with good reason here). The rules of Summer House are governed by Kyle Cooke and his roving eye.
So, do we think Brittany Cartwright‘s mama is going to be successful in her quest to get Jax Taylor into a church?! If so, will the holy water turn him into liquefied jelly – or will he start speaking in tongues?! Oh wait, he already does… Yes, an exorcism must be done on Vanderpump Rules, but shockingly, Jax isn’t the one who needs it. OK, maybe he does, but not as bad as some people…
So let me tell you a little story about a Three-Headed SheBeast named KriStasstie – if that sounds like a very weird food served in an eastern European prison, or a disease you probably do not want to contract from a monkey, well, it’s not far off.
This is the story about three women who have absolutely NO IDEA how unimportant their opinions are, and their self-aggrandized delusions about their amazing friendships are, well, sad. Really sad. Thank goodness we have the ‘boyfriend stealing’ Ariana Madix, of the dewy mermaid skin and evil eye to put them in their place. And their place is out by the dumpsters at SUR. Who knows…they may even be puking in them.
Stassi Schroeder had Kyle Cooke as her most recent podcast guest. Kyle is the blonde guy from Summer House who compared Stassi (in her turtleneck swimsuit) to Steve Jobs. “That scene made my year,” Stassi laughs. Kyle actually wore a turtleneck to the interview.
Apparently, Kyle is more than just a drunken womanizer! He’s a businessman who is starting an app to provide dating advice in 2017. Stassi quizzed him, and they dished on their disastrous ‘hook-up attempt’ in Montauk, some behind-the-scenes Jax Taylor gossip, and Kyle’s various business ventures. (Yes, he already has products for the Bravo Home Shopping Network!).
Kyle is very well-spoken and sounds thoughtful and intelligent. I actually enjoyed listening to his perspectives.
Kenya Moore returns home from Charlotte, to find her house vandalized. It seems MattJordan is made of magic carpets, because after driving ALL night to Charlotte where he harassed Kenya at Club One, he turned right around and drove all night back to ATL to smash in Kenya’s garage windows, sprinkle (was that juice? blood? droplets of rage?), break her car window and her back door, and spray paint over her security cameras. Dang – hell hath no fury like a man scorned.
Eileen Davidson had a rough time on last season’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, and it seems like she may be headed for another tough season, however the long-time soap opera star has no plans to pretend to be someone she’s not in order to win over the viewers.
“I just try to be myself. Sometimes I take the high road, sometimes I don’t,” explains Eileen. “People judge you no matter what. I’ve heard it all.” Similarly, Eileen defends her longtime friend and fellow Housewife, stating, “Lisa Rinna is who she is.” That she is – hustle to hustle…