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Last week on Top Chef, Micah Fields won the sexy knife quickfire challenge and Kristen Kish won the memorable moments elimination challenge. In a cook-off with Lizzie BinderJohn Tesar (and his eye glasses) fell victim to the curse of the risotto and was eliminated. Ouch! Being eliminated over Lizzie, who knowingly cooked and served questionable scallops, had to be embarrassing. 

While Josh Valentine (and his twisty mustache) is glad John is gone, Stefan Richter (and his wrinkle-free face) misses his "morning friend." Josie Malave declares she didn't come back as a stupid chef. True. She came back as an annoying chef.

Padma Lakshmi and Wolfgang Puck introduce the quickfire challenge.
 
Quickfire Challenge
 
The challenge: create a dish highlighting ginger… sponsored by Canada Dry Ginger Ale… in only fifteen minutes. Ginger Ale. It's what pays the bills. 
 
15 minutes? Wolfgang Puck? The pressure is on! Lizzie makes a split-second decision and grabs watermelon. Brooke loves ginger and pairs it with squid. Stefan disses Sheldon's stir fry dish, calling it too pedestrian and Chinese restaurant, and Sheldon yells "mother f-ker" at his meat.
 
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big-rich-texas-reunion-season-3-melissa-poe-connie-dieb-deaynni-hatley-bonnie-blossman-cindy-davis

Grab your bling bling flask or wine goblet and brace yourself for part one of the Big Rich Texas reunion specialVivica A. Fox mediates the scream fest. On stage are Bonnie Blossman, Whitney Whatley, DeAynni Hatley, Shaye Hatley, Connie Dieb, Melissa Poe, Maddie Poe, Cindy Davis, Alex Davis, and Kalyn Braun

Leslie Birkland is too chicken shit to show her face. She joins the others via video camera from a secret location. #psychward 

Bonnie jumps right in, calling Leslie a lying bitch. Warning: if you take a drink every time someone says bitch, you're going to be plastered 10 minutes into the show. Vivica asks Leslie why she's in hiding. She says, "Because of what happened the last time I was with these so called ladies. They attacked me." Is she trippin'? Well, at least drama queen delusions never fail to entertain.

Connie tells Vivica, "Leslie lied so much, she shouldn't feel safe. She should be sitting there be herself."

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the-bachelor-season-17-sean-lowe

Bachelor fans, are you ready for the most amazing journey featuring one (hopefully shirtless) Sean Lowe and 26 (hopefully tipsy) Bachelorettes? As always, each lady is desperate to find love and most definitely there for the right reasons.

Chris Harrison is on hand, as well, to keep every single most dramatic rose ceremony running smoothly. Not on hand? Emily Maynard. She broke Sean's heart on the Bachelorette and, for the sake of my sanity, needs to stay far away from this season.

Sean has fully recovered from his heartbreak and is ready to try again on the Bachelor. Clearly, he's a fool. He says the idea of possibly meeting his future wife during this journey (drink up, my friends) is kind of exciting and kind of intimidating.

Sean adds, "I want the end result. I want to protect my woman. I want to love my woman. I want to honor her. I want to love her with everything I have, and I want to be the best possible man I can be for her. I want to be rich in love." 

Because ABC doesn't completely hate me, Arie Luyendyk, Jr. stops by Sean's pad to help him prepare for what is to come. Mr. Holy Hotness schools Sean on how to properly kiss a woman: Eye contact. Use your hands. Touch her hair. Touch her face. Tease her with your tongue. No lizard tongue. Use your  whole body. #coldshower

Curse you, Arie, for not signing up for this train wreck of a show solely for my entertainment.

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teen-mom-farrah-abraham-waxes-sophias-unibrow

It's no secret that Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham is obsessed with "perfecting" her outward appearance. In less than two years, Farrah has enhanced her boobs, bought a new nose and chin, and blasted anyone who has judged her decision to permanently alter her looks at such a young age (including Teen Mom 2's Jenelle Evans).

Until a personality transplant is an option, Farrah will always be "ugly" to me, and this latest news certainly hasn't helped improve my opinion of her. 

Over the weekend, Farrah blogged about Sophia's unibrow, writing, "So here I am faced with a standout historical moment in motherhood when I can confirm to myself that my little, adorable, most cuddle-able cutie, baby girl has a Unibrow. I felt bad for her."

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mtv-buckwild-pool-party

Just kidding. This news is hardly a shocker. Still, despite the scripted feel to the show and the grumbling of some West Virginians, it sounds like MTV's BUCKWILD is destined to be a success.

Much to Melissa Whitman's dismay. The West Virginia resident, who lives across the street from where BUCKWILD was partially taped, had a lot to say to the Charleston Gazette about the production crew, foul-mouthed cast, and staged aspects of the show. 

According to Melissa, the BUCKWILD crew was obnoxious, inconsiderate, and constantly jammed her street with their black SUVs. Also, they taped (with their bright flood lights) during all hours of the day and night and several of the scenes were staged and/or reshot. Melissa added, "All of this was coaxed, coerced, scripted, or whatever."

An example of how the scenes were reshot and tweaked: "The big moving-in scene was shot two weeks after the girls were already living there."

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shahs-of-sunset-cabo-lilly-ghalichi

Last week on Shahs of Sunset, Mike Shouhed decided that he and his friends need a drama-free (but still drunken) weekend in Cabo San Lucas. Sounds lovely.. and bound to go horribly wrong. 

First, Asa Soltan Rahmati and Reza Farahan promote themselves to king and queen of the group and act all That '70s Show funky crazy in the car. Asa better put her hands on the wheel of her Mercedes-Benz or she's going to have to demolish her house to afford a new car. #brokepeopleproblems Speaking of Asa's broke ass, she decides that this is the year of the Persian Pop Priestess, vowing to finally make money with her music. Please forgive me if I don't hold my breath. 

Mercedes "MJ" Javid organizes a lunch date between Asa and Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi. Before Asa arrives, GG and MJ order drinks and appetizers. GG orders cheese fries, hummus with pita chips, the triple carne asada tacos, and a cocktail. Goodness gracious! Where does she put it all?

Once they're cocktailed up, GG asks MJ why she excluded her – instead of Asa – from her birthday party. MJ is surprised that GG even has to ask, saying, "You were the one who got physically violent with Asa. What about the fact that she doesn't feel physically safe?" GG tells MJ that she respects her decision, promises to get therapy, and hopes the upcoming trip to Cabo allows her the opportunity to mend broken relationships. Foreshadowing…. 

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teen-mom-2-jenelle-evans-rogers-courtland-rogers

Jenelle Evans and Courtland Rogers have had a rough start to their marriage – Twitter wars with Courtland's baby mamabreaking up, making up, breaking up, making up, video wars with Courtland's baby mama – but they've been totally in love since New Year's Eve. Y'all, that's a whole week. 

To celebrate their first month of wedded embarrassments bliss, Jenelle and Courtland got some new ink. You like? 

teen-mom-2-jenelle-evans-rogers-courtland-rogers-tattoo

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mtv-buckwild-cast-redneck-jersey-shore

MTV's BUCKWILD premiered Thursday night. Did you watch? 

While it's safe to say Senator Joe Manchin probably didn't host a viewing party, a decent amount of people couldn't resist the mudding, dump truck swimming, tire rolling, mattress slinging, and redneck sexy times. BUCKWILD pulled in 2.49 million viewers and a 1.4 rating over its back-to-back premieres.

BUCKWILD's Executive Producer Barry Poznick tweeted

mtv-buckwild-ratings

Comparing premieres, BUCKWILD outperformed Jersey Shore, which debuted to 1.375 million in 2009, by over one million viewers. Whether or not BUCKWILD becomes the ratings juggernaut that was Jersey Shore remains to be seen. 

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