Are my eyes deceiving me?!? Has Amber Marchese written her shortest Real Housewives of New Jersey blog of the season? Yes, I think she has. Thank you, Jesus! In the blog, Amber schooled us about what happens at a reunion, questioned whether or not Dina Manzo has a heart, defended her use of “The Cancer” ad nauseam, and sided with Jacqueline Laurita in the messy Laurita/ Manzo family feud.
“Hello Housewife friends,” exclaimed Amber. “Welcome to the jungle baby! My first reunion was a wild ride. Call me sick and twisted, but I had an unbelievable time at the reunion when most, I have been warned, dread it. I felt like it was ‘The Great Purge’ and when I went home I felt relieved of any built up tension. I don’t care if anyone has a grudge against me, my slate is clean and I harbor no ill feelings towards anyone. I love to argue my point, and I truly stood by all of my convictions this season, so I was ready to say exactly what was on my mind, and then some.”
Jon Gosselin wins our Thirsty Thursday award this week. Jon, who is broke as a joke, told Kate Gosselin, whose reality TV career is on the upswing, that he’d be willing to go on Couples Therapy with her. What a kind soul. I’m sure he has only her best interests at heart.
“I would consider appearing on Couples Therapy with Kate,” said Jon. “We are divorced, but why can’t we co-parent? I was thinking Kate and I could do a televised sit-down with a doctor and work out our differences, because our kids are suffering. She’s still so angry at me.”
Billy Bush and Kit Hoover asked Phaedra about the Mr. Chocolate rumor, the current status of her marriage to Apollo Nida, and that one time when Porsha Williams attacked Kenya Moore at RHOA reunion camp. Spoiler Alert: she is Team Porsha. HAHAHA. Of course she is.
Phaedra claimed the only chocolate she knows comes in the form of a candy bar, adding, “Yum, Yum, Yum.” Though she definitely did not hold back where Kenya is concerned.
In honor of Wordless (WTF?!) Wednesday, here’s a pic of Kim Kardashian‘s bleached eyebrows.
Kim shared this picture, captioning it, “About last night… #KendallsBDayParty #DontBeScaredOfMyBleachedBrows #ItsForAPhotoShoot” Hold on… I see a few spelling errors… #BringingAttentionToBleachedEyebrows #ItsForAttention #BecauseImAFamewhore There. I fixed them.
Kim‘s eyebrows are GONE and Cara Delevingne‘s eyebrows are drunk. That must have been one helluva party.
This makes absolutely NO sense to me. I mean, there’s a reason Porsha‘s not holding a peach. She’s boring. I remember the word “lackluster” being used to explain her Real Housewives of Atlantademotion. So, she’s too boring to be 1/6 or 1/7 of an ensemble cast, but she has enough going on in her head life to carry her own show? Um, OK. Whose bright idea was this?!?
“I sincerely cannot believe that Slade pulled this off last night,” Gretchen wrote on Instagram. “I mean to say I had NO idea is an understatement! So many of my sweet friends came to surprise and celebrate me! I’m still on cloud nine!”
“Now @sladesmiley I’m going to kill you because no one has ever been able to keep me out of the loop like that before and surprise me that well! Oh and also because I put my hair in a side braid cause I was tired from my photoshoot and did not want to restyle my hair. Not cute buddy. And you had my mom trick me too! Best Birthday in a long time!!” See photos from Gretchen‘s party below.