In case you haven’t heard, not only is it hard to be famous, but it’s hard to be single. Remember guys, I’m using the term “famous” loosely. Either way, this is basically the long and the short of E!’s Famously Single and the show tries really hard to draw the correlation between being a D list celeb and that standing in the way of finding a healthy relationship.
In group therapy, Dr. Darcy Sterling thinks it’s time to talk about sex. Calum Best doesn’t seem to understand the difference between sex and a relationship and Willis McGahee says he doesn’t go into his relationships thinking he’s going to cheat, it just kind of happens. Aubrey O’Day, the enlightened being that she is, says she doesn’t have casual sex because it doesn’t do anything for her spirit. Brandi Glanville admits that she has a recycling bin of men that she can have sex with but it’s not casual, because she knows them. The group is shocked to learn that Pauly D has never made love, but really wants to and would like some tips. I have lots of tips when it comes to this dysfunctional bunch but I suppose that’s not the point of the recap.
When she finally catches up, Hannah expresses how upset she is that Chef Ben Robinson never sticks up for her. When everyone gets back to the ship, Hannah requests to speak with Ben outside and wants to define if they are work colleagues or friends. He dances around giving a specific answer and a tearful Hannah has nothing left to do but go to bed.
Mercedes “MJ” Javid is still trying to process her (supposed) breakup with boyfriend, Tommy Feight, who I am actually starting to miss. There, I said it. Mike Shouhed is quickly losing hope that estranged wife, Jessica Parido, will make an appearance in Belize after an awkward invite from resident sh*t-stirrer,Reza Farahan. Finally, not to be out done in the “drama that doesn’t really need to be so dramatic” category, Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi went off on her last ally, Shervin Roohparvar, when he got tired of watching her pound drinks and smoke ciggs and simultaneously complain about rheumatoid arthritis treatments that may or may not be exaggerated.
Who wants to know more about the life and times of Luann de Lesseps? If you answered “yes”, then Bravo has a treat for you – an hour long look into what happens before you join the largest reality TV franchise in history. Dust off your book of etiquette and brush up on your française, because it’s time to chat with The Countess of Real Housewives of New York.
Last week, on the premiere of Famously Single, we met the cast of “celebrities”, who are really just a hodge podge of randos desperately clinging to what little notoriety they once had. We were left with the cliffhanger of finding out who their new dating coaches would be and (plot twist!!!) it’s two of the people they met while out boozing it up and misbehaving in some run down VIP section of a club.
SURPRISE! It’s Laurel, who was sexually propositioned by a sloppy drunk Willis McGahee and Robert, who was dismissed by Aubrey O’Day. The dating coaches begin to share their feedback and Robert admits that he found it refreshing that Aubrey could go deep in their conversation but was disappointed that she didn’t think he was good enough for a goodbye. Laurel basically told Willis in the nicest way possible that he is gross. She also had interactions with Calum Best, who she thought was playing for the cameras and Josh Murray, who was downright rude. Dr. Darcy Sterling explains to everyone that Laurel and Robert are here to give the Singletons the nuts and bolts of dating while they go through the process.
After rough waters between First Mate Bryan Kattenburg and misguided gnome of a Deckhand Danny Zureikat, we are being treated to some beach sun and fun with the horny charter guests of the moment on Below Deck Mediterranean. Fellow Deckhand Bobby Giancola and Danny have been invited to join the all-male guests to party on the beach and compete to see who can kiss a bar-dancing girl first. You would think I’m making this up, but I can assure you, I’m not. Bobby makes a sad/valiant attempt but is shot down. Danny scores by jumping on the bar and joining her and is rewarded with an awkward kiss on the cheek, which is all this poor girl could muster.
Back on the Ionian Princess, Chief Stewardess Hannah Ferrier isn’t feeling well but won’t let her pride or a migraine take her away from her duties! DeckhandJen Riservato tries in vain to please an unimpressed Bryan with her window cleaning abilities. Hannah is busy calling Danny but to no avail because Danny is knee deep in women, hopping around them like a coked up elf. He finally calls back to Hannah to let them know they are coming back with the guests for dinner, plus 8 random women.
Dr. Drew cuts right to the chase and asks for the status on Kail and Javi’s marriage. Supposedly Kail doesn’t know yet because it’s hard to make big life decisions while he’s gone. We all know she’s made up her mind, so maybe the life decisions she’s unsure of aren’t related to staying in the marriage, but rather what kind of visitation schedule Javi should have for Lincoln or how much child support she should demand. For now, she’s just focusing on her career. Dr. Drew high fives her for being the only one of all the teen moms to graduate from a 4-year university, which makes Kail tear up.
It’s time to join the Shahs of Sunset for some drama outside of the Sunset Strip – that’s right, it’s cast trip time! But before we take this mess international, let’s see how we got a passport to all this nonsense.
After Asa Soltan Rahmati’s kaftan show that the crew was forced to attend (and only a few ended up watching), the gang heads over to Shervin Roohparvar’s house to drink from red solo cups. Well, almost everyone – Mike Shouhed and estranged wife Jessica Parido are absent after their big blow out at the show. Everyone is talking about what happened and Reza Farahan goes on an incredibly long-winded, misogynistic list of all the horrible names he can think of for women that are involved in the whole Mike and Jessica mess and it doesn’t take long to see where this is going – he’s trying to justify this cast trip to Belize as a way to “help” Mike and Jessica.