Teen Mom

Jenelle Evans & David Eason

Jenelle Evans is pretending to be a grown up adult again – or at least she’s trying to play that role on TV! Despite juggling custody battles, baby daddies, babies galore, the Teen Mom 2 star brags that life is perfect – like for real. And she definitely has her act together this time too! [collective eye roll!]

With three kids (and three different daddies), Jenelle has decided the baby factory is definitely closed. Jenelle and fiancé of the month David Eason thought about a fourth kid, but then they remembered that parenthood is like so challenging! “David and I talked about it one day recently and how complicated things can get with Kaiser and Ensley together. They remind us why we are done.”

“But I love it,” Jenelle adds, “and wouldn’t trade my role as ‘mom.'” Not again, anyway. 

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Teen Mom 2 recap

I can’t think of anyone I would trust less to ‘fix’ my life than Leah Messer, but apparently she wants to be a life coach. How in the hell do they determine the certification process for that?

The Teen Mom 2 star who had two disastrous marriages, a cheating scandal, a terminally messy house, a messy custody battle, and Cheetos, spray tan, man, and ‘other’ addictions, but has no job to speak of, just announced she is in the business of giving US advice on how to fix our lives. Heaven help anyone who would hire Leah!

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Jenelle & David Engaged

I honestly can’t keep track of how many engagements Jenelle Evans has had, or how many weddings she’s planned, but she swears baby daddy no. 3, David Eason, is definitely the one. The others were just trials (and errors), right?!

The Teen Mom 2 star is planning a fall wedding with a “backyard rustic theme,” for a “small, private” affair that’s both “sweet and Southern.” The couple got engaged in February after being together for a little over a year and having Ensley in January. Jenelle says wedding planning isn’t a stressor for them (is it ever for her?!) because she and Soul Mate Of The Month David “agree on a lot.” Meaning Jenelle does whatever David says!

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jenelle-dr-drew

If you happened to catch last week’s part one of the Teen Mom 2 reunion, along with the backstage footage, you would know there was major drama with who else? Jenelle Evans and anyone associated with her. Because of mom Barbara Evans and their never ending custody dispute of Jace, Jenelle stormed off set and threatened to book the next flight home. But here we are, on set with Jenelle and her whole crew of drama seekers and hangers on, to hear more about what it’s like to live a life of complete chaos.

Dr. Drew gives Jenelle the shadiest intro possible, talking her up as “sober, in a stable relationship and pregnant with her third child” as if those are all major achievements in life.

Jenelle Evans Book 'Read Between The Lines'

You guys, Jenelle Evans just wants to tell you the real story. From her perspective. Which is 100% percent accurate and totally truthful. Which is why she has written a book entitled Read Between The LinesBasically the theme is how nothing is ever Jenelle’s fault. 

No, the Teen Mom 2 star didn’t put a series screenshots of her twitter feed between two covers and call it a book, Jenelle actually summarized her twitter feed and combined it with her teenage diary to document her life from before 16 And Pregnant through living the MTV dream: the Get Kieffer’d years (and many other menz), her ever-so-fantastic marriage to Courtland Rogers, Baby Dud-dy No 2 (Nathan Griffith) and Baby Dudd-y No 3 (David Eason), the mugshot mania, plus all her drama with drugs and Barbara Evans in between. I’m sure Jenelle also mentioned her son Jace and her other two.

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teen-mom-reunion

OK, so if you tuned in for the supersized Teen Mom 2 last night, we are now on to the actual reunion portion of things, with hopefully ALL the teen moms. If you didn’t have the stomach for two hours (and believe me, I understand), check out my recap on the first half so you’re all caught up. You’re going to need it as a point of reference and really, that’s where all the action happened. Tonight’s reunion was pretty quiet in comparison.

As Leah Messer and Kailyn Lowry get hair and makeup, Chelsea Houska is back on set after a fever yesterday and (surprise!) so is Jenelle Evans, who faked sick and stormed off set because she was mad at her mom. In the makeup chair, Jenelle defends herself and blames the producers again for her troubles with Barb. Under the watchful eye of Baby Daddy/Creepy Control Freak David Eason, Jenelle goes to film her intro on the reunion and when asked what her most positive trait is, she doesn’t have one but two for us: being well spoken and also, educated. HA! With that little gem, on with the show!

kailyn

So last week on Teen Mom 2, we were left with the ever frustrating “To Be Continued…..” as Kailyn Lowry proclaimed to soon-to-be ex-husband Javi Marroquin that “sometimes you need to hurt people to make yourself happy.” That seems to sum up Kail pretty nicely but hey, at least girlfriend is staying true to herself. Naturally, Javi can’t leave on that note and after storming out, he storms right back in – without knocking!!!! Take that, Kail!

When Javi does come back in, he doesn’t get the warmest welcome and Kail immediately tells him to get out. Javi plops down on the couch and says he doesn’t want to fight anymore. Kail insists that she doesn’t want to make their divorce about them, it’s about Lincoln. No, sweetie, your divorce is about your marriage, not your child but nice try to get out of dealing with whatever problems you guys did have that led up to this point. After brow beating Javi some more, he is finally worn down to the point of getting teary and realizes he won’t get through to Kail at all. He asks if they can leave today on good terms and co-parent together. “That’s up to you” Kail snaps back. On to the reunion!

chelsea-aubree

Tonight’s episode of Teen Mom 2 is setting us up nicely for the season finale next week. Chelsea Houska and Cole DeBoer are getting hitched, Leah Messer is going back to school, Jenelle Evans is still battling mom Barb in court for custody of Jace and Kailyn Lowry and Javi Marroquin are still in the miserable stage of getting divorced, with no end in sight. So let’s get this recap on the road!

Chelsea is going to get her marriage license in Nebraska and is pretty excited to be a wife. As she shares that with her mom and Aubree over lunch, her mom ruins it by telling Aubree that Cole will officially be her dad now. A confused Aubree asks how he can be her dad when she already has a deadbeat one (OK I added the deadbeat part) and Chelsea insists her mother stop. Instead, her mom takes it up a notch and asks Aubree if she calls Cole dad. Aubree gets annoyed and who could blame her. These are questions she should be handling on her own and it’s not up to anyone else to pressure Aubree into defining her relationships with the adults in her life.