Day eight in theCouples Therapy house begins with group therapy with Dr. Jenn Berman. Today's topic is sex. So, naturally, I expect a full hour of sex tape shenanigans featuring Farrah Abraham. Yeah, not so much. The next two days oftherapyrevolve around Sada Bettencourt and Whitney Mixter and Ghostface Killah and Kelsey Nykole.
But first, we do hear a little bit fromJon Gosselin and Liz Jannetta, as well as Farrah. Taylor Armstrong is either too sober (and boring) or too traumatized (green towels) to score a speaking part this week. Whatever. Not hearing about Taylor and John's sex life is A-OK with me, especially since we have to revisit last week's drama, Jon masturbating. On camera. Like his Plus 8 aren't quite damaged enough already.
Jon has changed his story. Last week, he was only scratching himself. (not that anyone believed) This week, he was planning a party for one. Kind of like, last month, Jon despised media attention. (not that anyone cared) This month, he's masturbating on VH1. The only constant coming out of Jon Gosselin's mouth – everything is Kate's fault. Forever butthurt, this one. Farrah, too. Literally.
Last night Real Housewives of the past and present sashayed and twirled down the red carpet at OK! Magazine's pre-grammy party in L.A.
Joanna Krupa stole the spotlight in this sheer and black gown that reminded of us the revealing dress that Paris Hilton wore the night before to Diddy's own pre-grammy party. (see below). Almost all of the ladies of Bravo (and a few VH1 stragglers) wore black, except for Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kenya Moore, who opted for a purple number. Last night was also Kenya's birthday and we'd be willing to bet her evening included a little birthday toast over the news of Apollo Nida's criminal charges.
Have you heard? There's a new show called Farrah's Therapy on VH1. It's a cross between Teen Mom Horror Story and Couples (Table For One) Therapy. The star of the show universe, Farrah Abraham, pretends to cry, makes ugly faces, and blames all of her problems on the strangers living in her house, as well as her parents, while a doctor by the name of Jenn Berman enables her.
Seriously, if VH1 wanted to cash in on the tragedy that is Farrah, why not just create a new show around her? Porn Stars Therapy or Celebrity Liars Rehab?
But I digress. It's day five in the Couples Therapy house. Sada Bettencourt and Whitney Mixter watch Backdoor Teen Mom and come to realize it's not a homemade sex tape. Not even close! It's a fully produced porn film. Whitney says she's not judging the Teen Mom star for having sex on camera, as she's been there, done that – but she has zero patience for Farrah's "sex tape" lies.
In the latest issue of In Touch Weekly, Jon regales us with tales of what a terrible mother Kate Gosselin is and now wants to fight her for custody of their sextuplets. This all comes weeks after Kate dropped a lawsuit against Jon claiming he stole information from her that was later used in a purported tell-all expose that accused her of being obsessed with fame and abusing her eight kids.
"They live in fear of Kate,” Jon claims of the nine-year-old sextuplets. “Every time I see them, they tell me they want to live with me.” In a recent Today Show interview, Jon and Kate's twins Mady and Kara refused to answer questions and displayed some serious animosity towards their mom. “It was horrible to watch,” recounts Jon.
Over the weekend Farrah Abraham hit the beach in Miami to play a little football…by herself..in a swimsuit. Okay, so she wasn't entirely alone – the paps she called were there, too.
Farrah hit the sand in a blue and white cut out one piece swimsuit, striking various classy poses, making sure photographers got a really good shot of her important features. Because bent over is her best angle, apparently.
If you need another Farrah fix, she'll be back tomorrow night on Couples Therapy. You don't want to miss a minute, trust us! Plus we have some more shots of her in our photo roundup tonight – with one creeptastic pic you don't want to pass up.
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE SUPER CLASSY PICS
Oh Couples Therapy – Whew! Where does a girl begin breaking down this mess? I mean, I need therapy after watching it, but real therapy not of the Dr. Jenn Berman 'lemme stroke your F-list ego' variety.
Taylor Armstrong rendered me paralyzed by laughter for a full 10 minutes while I watched her epic meltdown over "pea green towels" and the lack of acceptable lattes at the mansion. And that's where we begin. With Taylor and John Bluher exercising their right to tantrum.
Taylor goes Oklahoma on Dr. Jenn's staff until they give her permission to call the doctor herself and complain. Immediately upon getting on the phone Taylor goes from OK to Hawaiian sunset as she calmly but snootily explains that filet mignon is a necessary requirement for her life. "I can't live like this," she whines. "It's like a joke." Yes – it is exactly like a joke except we're all laughing at you, not with you.
Lest Taylor forget about all her financial problems – lady you were hawking fake Birkins to pay for legal bills.
Part of me feels sorry for Dr. Jenn Berman because it seems she bit off more than she can chew with her "celebrity" "clients" this season. Meaning some of these so-called celebrities are actual messes who need like for-real therapy and not the made for TV Couples Therapy kind.
First of all, Dr. Jenn insists that although Taylor's behavior was terrible it ended up having some positives.
"When they went bowling, unfortunately things got a little out of control, which was unexpected and hasn’t happened before. In a certain way it was unfortunate but it ended up giving me really important material to work with in therapy because I got to see a side of Taylor in particular that was really important for me to see and to address. You’ll see the therapy that resulted out of this in episode three and it was really a huge breakthrough."
Farrah Abraham's spoiled brat anticsnever cease to amaze me – but I cannot ever get enough. I love this girl. TheTeen Mom star turned porn star turned Couples Therapystar is not getting along with her co-stars. You're shocked, I know. It's taken me a few days to come to terms with it as well.
Three days into therapy, Farrah and Taylor Armstrong really, truly hate each other, which is ironic considering they're cut from the same mold. "Looks like Taylor is insecure," she tweeted. "Hmm – sorry I'm confident and work hard. I don't need 2 marry someone to have a life, wish you and John the best."
You would expect a middle-aged professional (on paper) to rise above these childish shenanigans, right? Yeah, no. Taylor's fiance John Bluher tweeted, "Farrah is ridiculous. Everyone and Dr Jenn Berman were drawn into the abyss of deceit. Taylor wanted to mentor her – but we learned! We smelled a rat immediately." He definitely speaks the truth though.