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Teen Mom Farrah Abraham Sophia

In case you missed it, Farrah Abraham has scored a book deal for an erotic trilogy, Celebrity Sex Tape, not-so-loosely based on her experiences in the porn industry. 

When it comes to Farrah, two things are certain:  she has no shame and she knows what to say to get a headline. So of course a publisher of smut books would want to hitch a ride on the Farrah Express. They will have to sit up front though. The caboose is closed for repairs. 

Farrah's first stop: Radar. To talk about Sophia, her five-year-old daughter, reading the erotica. When she's older, of course, but now is a perfect time to talk about it. #EyeRoll

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Taylor Armstrong and her boyfriend John Buhler go for dinner at Aventine restaurant

I guess Couples Therapy worked for some people. 

John Bluher is about to tie the knot to the histrionic Taylor Armstrong. God bless the man that can handle Loony Lips! 

The couple got engaged last year with an elaborate fleur de lis yellow gold ring and then proceeded to work their relationship on reality TV. The couple relocated to Colorado (where John, an attorney, is from) and he is in the process of adopting Taylor's daughter Kennedy. And now – they're about to make their coupledom official!

Taylor and John will be getting married this weekend,” a source revealed to Radar Online. “Taylor has invited several of her former Beverly Hills housewives co-stars, [and] the couple has hired celebrity wedding planner David Tutera​ to assist with the big day.”

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jon gosselin

So who would have ever thought that Jon Gosselin would be reconciling with ex-wife Kate? It's crazy, right? I'm kidding, of course! The former Jon & Kate Plus Eight stars still despise one another, but I needed a good teaser. The pair is once again at odds in the media (because being pissed at each other in private doesn't garner any attention). 

Lashing out about his wife's decision to feature their twins and sextuplets on a TLC update special, Jon is expressing his disgust and disappointment with the fact he wasn't asked to be included at the lengths Kate will go to in exploiting their children. You know, I was truly on Jon's side until I watched him on Couples Therapy. Geez. Cue the violins!

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farrah-abraham

Farrah Abraham, who's forever promoting her coast-to-coast appearances at Night Clubs and Gentleman's Clubs, shared the above photo from the SXSW festival in Austin on Instagram yesterday. As usual, the picture riled up the former Teen Mom star's critics, who left countless "bad mom" and "never with your child" comments.

Farrah lashed out at her haters, insisting she's a "damn good" mom to Sophia, late last night.  "Happy Saint Patty's Day," she wrote. "I had an amazing day with my BooBoo Sophia. That picture I previously uploaded was from about a week ago so for all you people saying I'm never with my daughter – I am." 

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farrah-abraham-music-video-blowin

Farrah Abraham has released a new single titled Blowin. BWAHAHAHA  No, really. That's the name of the song – as in, she's blowin' all her bullies away.

“I think all of the bully types I deal with who are determined to be against me in my life,” explains Farrah. “I want others to see they don’t need to be a follower or conform to what others think or do and let them live their lives to their full potential.  I feel that to overcome the gravity of the negativity bullies try to portray on others, we really need our own space and focus to leave all of that behind and clear the negativity.”

Farrah adds, "I think the single Blowin' reminds others of that great potential in an upbeat song.  I also want my daughter to be better than all the gossip and negative people when she gets older.  Sophia really likes the song and dances to it as much as she can." 

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Kate Gosselin Jon Gosselin

I know, I know. Like you, I thought we'd (kind of) heard the last of Jon & Kate Plus 8 stars Jon Gosselin and ex-wife Kate. Sure, they'd appear every once in a while with a complaint or a new haircut, but, for the most part, they had left the building.

Enter VH1's Couples Therapy. With that one reality television gem that sensationalized Jon's "journey" post-divorce, the most dysfunctional family of eight was once again thrust down our throats like a bad corn dog. I'll be honest…I'd been Team Jon because I believed he'd intentionally dropped off our radar in an effort to be a "normal, hard-working dad," but in all actuality, he's just as much a fame whore as his ridiculous ex. Thanks, TLC. That was a can of worms that should have never been opened!

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couples-therapy-taylor

AaaahhhCouples Therapy. I was promised a trainwreck and a trainwreck we shall have. Oh goody!

Kelsey Nykole saunters out onto the patio where a slurry Taylor Armstrong and a messy, sloppy Liz and Jon Gosselin are talking. Kelsey drops the bomb that she's never masturbated. 

Liz and Taylor are shocked. "That's part of my repertoire," announces Taylor. Lovely. "I'm an expert," says Liz who decimated Jon in an earlier episode for "beating off". Hypocrite much? 

The next day Liz and Jon have a little gift for Kelsey – it's her very first vibrator! Surprisingly it did not come from Farrah Abraham's line of sex toys. She wasn't passing out goody bags?! Oh but wait – she was forced to make those vaj-molds and videotape herself doing it! Cause we all want a keek of Farrah's crotchal region covered in plaster! I don't know what's a grosser vibrator association: Jon or Farrah

Moving on, Taylor is struggling with parenting. "I don't parent," she slurs at the camera before course correcting to explain she doesn't set boundaries. #FreudianSlip Kennedy comes to the house the next day for some quality time with this woman who people say is her mom. Taylor greets Kennedy with villainous laugh that lasts about 5 minutes. In return, Kennedy shoots Taylor dirty looks that could melt a lip-plant. 

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couples-therapy-jon-gosselin

The season finale of Couples Therapy airs tonight.

Season four has been the highest-rated and most popular season of Couples Therapy thus far thanks to reality TV fans flocking to VH1 to see train wrecks such as RHOBH's Taylor Armstrong, Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham, and Jon & Kate Plus 8's Jon Gosselin. They did not disappoint — but Dr. Jenn Berman definitely did every time she failed to call out Taylor's lies, supported Farrah's delusions, and enabled Jon's anger issues

Speaking of Jon, he scored oodles of air time last week when he claimed Kate Gosselin refused to let him talk to his kids on the phone – and then he called her a "piece of f–king shit" and a "shitty human being" on camera.  I never doubted Jon's story because, um, Kate is a nasty, vindictive person, However, according to an inside source, Jon lied about the phone call.

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