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Couples Therapy

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I'm so foolish! When Jon Gosselin said he wanted to escape the spotlight and live a normal life – I believed him! Then came Couples Therapy and now Jon is back to courting the tabloids for attention. 

In the latest issue of In Touch Weekly, Jon regales us with tales of what a terrible mother Kate Gosselin is and now wants to fight her for custody of their sextuplets. This all comes weeks after Kate dropped a lawsuit against Jon claiming he stole information from her that was later used in a purported tell-all expose that accused her of being obsessed with fame and abusing her eight kids.

"They live in fear of Kate,” Jon claims of the nine-year-old sextuplets. “Every time I see them, they tell me they want to live with me.” In a recent Today Show interview, Jon and Kate's twins Mady and Kara refused to answer questions and displayed some serious animosity towards their mom. “It was horrible to watch,” recounts Jon. 

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**EXCLUSIVE** Farrah Abraham shows off her curves as she takes a sunset walk and plays with a football on the beach in Miami

Over the weekend Farrah Abraham hit the beach in Miami to play a little football…by herself..in a swimsuit.  Okay, so she wasn't entirely alone – the paps she called were there, too.

Farrah hit the sand in a blue and white cut out one piece swimsuit, striking various classy poses, making sure photographers got a really good shot of her important features.  Because bent over is her best angle, apparently.

If you need another Farrah fix, she'll be back tomorrow night on Couples Therapy.  You don't want to miss a minute, trust us!  Plus we have some more shots of her in our photo roundup tonight – with one creeptastic pic you don't want to pass up. 

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Oh Couples Therapy – Whew! Where does a girl begin breaking down this mess? I mean, I need therapy after watching it, but real therapy not of the Dr. Jenn Berman 'lemme stroke your F-list ego' variety. 

Taylor Armstrong rendered me paralyzed by laughter for a full 10 minutes while I watched her epic meltdown over "pea green towels" and the lack of acceptable lattes at the mansion. And that's where we begin. With Taylor and John Bluher exercising their right to tantrum. 

Taylor goes Oklahoma on Dr. Jenn's staff until they give her permission to call the doctor herself and complain. Immediately upon getting on the phone Taylor goes from OK to Hawaiian sunset as she calmly but snootily explains that filet mignon is a necessary requirement for her life. "I can't live like this," she whines. "It's like a joke." Yes – it is exactly like a joke except we're all laughing at you, not with you. 

Lest Taylor forget about all her financial problems – lady you were hawking fake Birkins to pay for legal bills. 

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Part of me feels sorry for Dr. Jenn Berman because it seems she bit off more than she can chew with her "celebrity" "clients" this season. Meaning some of these so-called celebrities are actual messes who need like for-real therapy and not the made for TV Couples Therapy kind. 

In her blog for the latest episode, Dr. Jenn discusses Taylor Armstrong's ridiculous whiny-baby-boo-boo meltdown (which she blames on Camille Grammer's abuse and a family problem) and why Farrah Abraham is hated by humanity. 

First of all, Dr. Jenn insists that although Taylor's behavior was terrible it ended up having some positives.  

"When they went bowling, unfortunately things got a little out of control, which was unexpected and hasn’t happened before. In a certain way it was unfortunate but it ended up giving me really important material to work with in therapy because I got to see a side of Taylor in particular that was really important for me to see and to address. You’ll see the therapy that resulted out of this in episode three and it was really a huge breakthrough."

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Farrah Abraham's spoiled brat antics never cease to amaze me – but I cannot ever get enough. I love this girl. The Teen Mom star turned porn star turned Couples Therapy star is not getting along with her co-stars. You're shocked, I know. It's taken me a few days to come to terms with it as well. 

Three days into therapy, Farrah and Taylor Armstrong really, truly hate each other, which is ironic considering they're cut from the same mold. "Looks like Taylor is insecure," she tweeted.  "Hmm – sorry I'm confident and work hard. I don't need 2 marry someone to have a life, wish you and John the best." 

You would expect a middle-aged professional (on paper) to rise above these childish shenanigans, right?  Yeah, no.  Taylor's fiance John Bluher tweeted, "Farrah is ridiculous. Everyone and Dr Jenn Berman were drawn into the abyss of deceit.  Taylor wanted to mentor her – but we learned!  We smelled a rat immediately." He definitely speaks the truth though.

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Celebrity premiere of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey 'Built To Amaze'

Shocker - Taylor Armstrong got drunk and acted a fool just THREE days into shooting Couples Therapy. But, you guys, it wasn't HER. It was the EDIT. HA.  I wish I could collect a dollar bill every time a reality TV star complains about editing. Taylor is mad VH1 didn't show what led up to her epic temper tantrum.

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Taylor tweeted, "Fed up at this point.  Lid is about to blow off.  Don't like to be lied to and more family pressure than u can imagine! Dr. Jenn Berman and VH1 said no editing. This is totally absurd. You don't know the background story." 

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This week on Couples Therapy, the couples, plus lone bird Farrah Abraham, discuss dark moments from past relationships with Dr. Jenn Berman. Also, Farrah boohoos about her porn and annoys every human within an 18 mile radius, and Taylor Armstrong has a spoiled brat meltdown of epic proportions.

To kick things off, Dr. Jenn informs us that Farrah's life is chaotic. So I'd like to inform Dr. Jenn that Farrah's chaos has been meticulously planned out by Farrah the Famewhore. Hold the Fame. Meanwhile, Farrah complains to Taylor about being stood up by her boyfriend-for-hire, Brian Dawe.  Farrah assumes Taylor couldn't possibly understand how hard her life is because her divorce was – and I quote – probably like so easy.  "I filed for divorce, then I found him hanging," shares Taylor. "So not so easy." Farrah's like, fine your life is hard, I guess, but I'm done with you. Good night. Taylor tells the camera that Farrah is the most self-absorbed person she has ever met.  #PotMeetKettle

Whoever put these two – the Teen Mom and the Real Housewife of Beverly Hills – on the same show deserves a huge raise. Make it happen, VH1.

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I don't know whether I should thank VH1 or condemn them for bringing Farrah Abraham back into our reality TV lives. This season Farrah appears SOLO on Couples Therapy because she couldn't even pay someone to be seen with her.

Since James Deen had enough with her when he rented out his peen, Farrah opted to hire Brian Dawe to play her boyfriend. Brian got the heebie-jeebies when he realized he'd actually like have to spend a lot of time with Farrah and act like he cared, so he admitted the whole thing was a hoax. 

Dr. Jenn Berman denies knowing the relationship was reportedly staged and Farrah is of course claiming Brian is like such a liar! Cause Farrah never does anything wrong. Nope everyone is doing bad stuff TO HER. I see that therapy really worked… 

"It has been hard for me to look back after everything I've been through," Farrah whines on Keek and seriously it looks like she's reading from a script.

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