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Don’t Be Tardy

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Yesterday it was reported that Kim Zolciak is knocked up with baby number 5. Lord help us… 

The Don't Be Tardy star has apparently been hiding the pregnancy because she's probably brokering some big announcement with a tabloid. Hot on the heels of the news, The Daily Mail captured Kim allegedly smoking while sporting a noticeable baby bump during a recent vacation with her family. 

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Last night on Don't Be Tardy, the Biermann family celebrated Christmas and argued about traditions. See, Kim Zolciak's traditions include dropping thousands upon thousands on tacky Christmas decorations like she lives in the White House where as Kroy Biermann's traditions include embracing the true meaning of Christmas: family and quality time.

Eventually in a Bravo-tized version of The Christmas Carol, Wigenezer Scrooge realizes Christmas isn't about Cartier and $4000 diamond-studded Christmas trees with a LV logo, but about the people you love the most! 

Things begin with Kim trying to convince us she's a young woman of 35 by getting Thermage, a laser face lift. At first I thought Kim must be getting vaginal rejuvenation because her skirt slit was so high she was borderline in need of a black modesty bar to hide the ladybits. I was wrong though – apparently one just wears really revealing clothing to the dermatologist!

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Kim Zolciak has been all kinds of talking about having a baby girl with husband Kroy Biermann, but is she pregnant already?

Apparently the Don't Be Tardy star is expecting her fifth child and trying to keep things quiet until she gets a magazine cover announcing it. 

"Kim and Kroy are so excited to be pregnant again,” a close friend tells Life & Style. “She’s been trying to keep it quiet — she didn’t realize she’s showing as much as she is.”

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So last night's episode of Don't Be Tardy was all about growing up. And sadly Kim Zolciak doesn't wanna grow up! 

Things begin with a sullen Brielle watching KJ. Brielle decides to entertain him by putting him to work sweatshop labor style as her manicurist. Sadly, KJ's fine motor skills haven't totally refined yet and he gets nail polish all over his face. Hey toddler – go play with some toxic chemicals! Babysitting By Bravo. 

Brielle is grounded from her cell phone, TV, and computer since her grades were bad. And unfortunately it's report card day  and Brielle has failed math and science. She has a 90% in Spanish though which is good since Kim has hired Spanish-speaking nannies and the only thing Kim knows how to say is Tequila and Taco. 

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Welcome to the scripted reality television land of Wigs N Cigs where a 40-something 35-year-old woman has never heard of an IUD and can't get along with her parents to save her life. If you were confused for a second; nope that's not Brielle's storyline – it's Kim Zolciak's!

On last night's installment of Don't Be Tardy, Bravo seemed to prove that the only reason Kim got a second spinoff was to exploit the legal/custodial drama happening with her parents because other than that this show has ZERO going on except for completely fabricated and ridiculous plots. 

So Kim and Kroy Biermann take a walk in the woods and decide they are ready for a third child. I mean what else does Kim have to do; she doesn't work and she has two nannies for her other two kids so she can basically sit around and be prego, ensuring her investments will grow and grow. I believe they call that an "installment plan"? Ask, conceive and receive! 

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Let's all give thanks… Don't Be Tardy style. And what does that entail? Purchasing a pre-packed, pre-sliced turkey from a designer clothing store. More on this later.

On last night's episode Kim Zolciak's daughters were forced to deal with the Sins of the Wig, whose own parents have turned against her in the media over her alleged famewhoring. It was actually sad. 

Things begin with Kim and her girls making something called "slutty brownies". They actually sound amazing. Brielle and Arianna want to make brownies from scratch, Kim argues for boxed mix especially in light of the fact that she doesn't even have sugar in her pantry. 

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Don't Be Tardy for the marriage drama!  Former Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim "Close Your Legs To Married Men, WIG!!" Zolciak Biermann is once again defending her marriage to NFL player Kroy Biermann.

A woman has recently come forward to share that she and Kroy were an item when he first started dating Kim.  Are we seeing a pattern here?  Of course, Kim has no time for this nonsense and is already on the defensive regarding her union to Kroy.

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Bravo Events - 2013

Uh oh… you know what they say about losing a man how you got 'em? And you know what they say about a mistress never changing her spots? Well, it seems Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann have found themselves in the midst of a lil cheating allegation. Once a wig-wearing mistress… always a wig-wearing mistress?

Kroy's ex-girlfriend, the one he had when he allegedly met Kim, is coming out of the woodwork to accuse the Don't Be Tardy star of cheating on her with Kim – and she's providing text messages that "prove" they were together. Let's investigate, shall we?

Elizabeth Seward alleges that when Kroy met Kim at Dancing With The Stars (and Sheree) Atlanta she was his long-distance girlfriend. The former Indiana Pacers cheerleader (who does not wear a wig) says they met at a party in Indianapolis in January 2010. “It was this whirlwind, love-at-first-sight thing,” Elizabeth tells In Touch. 

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