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Don’t Be Tardy

dont-be-tardy-recap

Last night on Don't Be Tardy the Zolciak-Biermann fam wrestled with parenting roles and expectations. It seems that Brielle is a child after Kim Zolciak's heart and by that I mean, well… Brielle needs a bit of guidance!

Things begin with Brielle's math tutor showing up. I'm guessing Bravo casting scoured the neo-Reganite Young Republicans club and found the most traditionally "square" looking kid, begged him to come sit at Kim's house and pretend to tutor Brielle in math. I hope they warned him that he may be treated to an eyefull of Kim's lactating boobs, or Kim's boobs bursting out of an ill-fitting top. 

Kim harasses "Phillip" about following Brielle on twitter and allegedly stalking her because he's a fan of Kim. AHAHA! Yeah right. Kim wishes. "As if I would ever let a fan up in my house," Kim tells us. She seems way too devoted to knowing which of Brielle's classmates are interested in her. The answer: none. Is Kim repeating Karen's behaviors now that Brielle is getting older?

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On last night's episode of Don't Be Tardy something I've long believed was confirmed. Kroy Biermann, like children of Victorian England, should be seen and not heard. The more he speaks, the more… just no. 

In other occurrences Kim Zolciak demonstrated more awesome parenting and then got in a big fight with her husband over mirrors. She needs MORE MIRRORS everywhere so she can look at herself MORE TIMES. The naked photos dominating every wall aren't enough?

Things begin with Kim and KJ being cute. Ok, let me rephrase: KJ was being cute and Kim was rocking an In Living Color bandana. That was not cute. Kim tells us she knows nothing about football and since Kroy is going to the Super Bowl (in theory), she better learn the ins and outs of the game. 

I'm pretty sure Kim already has the ins and outs covered which is how she ended up married, prenup-less, with two kids in less than three years. Girl knows the game very, very well! She by SheBroke better recognize! 

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kim-zolciak-kandi-burruss-spinoffs

It's true…a time slot can totally make or break a show.  Just ask Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kandi Burruss!  Her new endeavor The Kandi Factory has been flailing in the ratings until a recent move to Sunday night.

You know what that means…a certain be-wigged one will be holding down the fort for Bravo's Tuesday night line-up.  Will Kim Zolciak Biermann be vying for a schedule change for Don't Be Tardy?  Hear that?  It's the sound of a hundred wigs crying…

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kim-zolciak-kandi-burruss-spinoffs

Last week the season premiere of Kim Zolciak's spinoff Don't Be Tardy had surprisingly decent ratings. And she cleaned up against Real Housewives of Atlanta nemesis Kandi Burruss

Unfortunately people may have reached side-boob and wig overdose, because Kim's ratings fell pretty dramatically for the third episode which aired this Tuesday!

Bravo Ratings shares that Kim's audience fell 28.5% from last week and only pulled about 900,000 viewers in the original 9:30pm EST airing. Even worse that's the lowest number of viewers any of Kim's spinoffs have ever had – including last year's Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding

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DBT-EP2-Recap

Last night on Don't Be Tardy we got a second dose of Kim Zolciak's wedding jumpsuit. As if the over-exposing lace cameltoe monstrosity wasn't bad enough the first time around! 

It's Kim and Kroy Biermann's first anniversary. They've been together three years total but they've had three homes, one eviction, one firing, two kids, three hideous wedding outfits, 35,000 legal issues, and um… well I'm sure there's more to come. Love, White Trash Style!

Kim decides to celebrate by recreating key moments in their relationship. Surprisingly they don't all involve wigs, boobs, and fried chicken. Instead she's going to stage a surprise re-wedding at the venue where they first met when Kroy was a participant in Dancing With The Stars Atlanta. In case you don't remember that's first where Kim first fell for that a$$! 

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kim-zolciak-kandi-burruss-spinoffs

Kim Zolciak Biermann and Kandi Burruss may be going head-to-head in Federal Court, but they're also facing off in your living rooms.  That's right!  It's Kandi vs. Kim: Ratings Edition!  

While Kandi is suing her former friend and Real Housewives of Atlanta co-star over the song Don't Be Tardy for the PartyKim may be having the last laugh over whose spin-off is garnering the most attention.  Viewers were right on time for the premiere of season two of Kim's Don't Be Tardy show, while last week no one seemed to want to party at The Kandi Factory.  I wonder how Kim will feel to learn that this week she actually gave her new nemesis' show a boost?

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kim-zolciak-kandi-burruss-spinoffs

Tonight two ladies who cannot stand each other face-off in dueling spinoffs and then they have to appear on WWHL together! Ok, just kidding about the WWHL part, but don't you wish?!

Kim Zolciak is being sued by former Real Housewives of Atlanta co-star Kandi Burruss over the single Tardy For The Party. And after spending weeks talking nonsense about Kandi and insulting her on multiple levels, Kim has filed papers of her own accusing Kandi of being a "shameless" publicity hound using the lawsuit to promote her spinoff The Kandi Factory

Kim also wants a judge to toss out the lawsuit claiming it has no merit according to TMZ. Kim is adamant that not only has she already fairly compensated Kandi for her services, but she paid in excess by $6,000! Kim also insists that Kandi doesn't even believe her own suit as she is simply attempting to pull a Sheree and use the courts to get attention.

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kim-zolciak-dont-be-tardy

Well, well – look who is doing the dog and pony show to try and get on Dancing With The Stars?! None other than Kim Zolciak! Oh, heavens. 

I guess in Kim's case she's doing the Wig and Wine show with some crass sex jokes and cursing thrown in for good measure. I'm sure family-friendly ABC, who canceled Bachelor Pad because it was too trashy for their image, would love having her as an addition to next season's DWTS cast! 

The Don't Be Tardy star tells E! News that she would "definitely entertain the idea" of being on DWTS. Because she's so qualified and has a lot of dance experience. Stripping does not count. "I danced for 18 years of my life, ballet, tap and jazz as a kid," Kim shares.

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