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Don’t Be Tardy For The Wedding

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Last week the season premiere of Kim Zolciak's spinoff Don't Be Tardy had surprisingly decent ratings. And she cleaned up against Real Housewives of Atlanta nemesis Kandi Burruss

Unfortunately people may have reached side-boob and wig overdose, because Kim's ratings fell pretty dramatically for the third episode which aired this Tuesday!

Bravo Ratings shares that Kim's audience fell 28.5% from last week and only pulled about 900,000 viewers in the original 9:30pm EST airing. Even worse that's the lowest number of viewers any of Kim's spinoffs have ever had – including last year's Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding

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DBT-EP2-Recap

Last night on Don't Be Tardy we got a second dose of Kim Zolciak's wedding jumpsuit. As if the over-exposing lace cameltoe monstrosity wasn't bad enough the first time around! 

It's Kim and Kroy Biermann's first anniversary. They've been together three years total but they've had three homes, one eviction, one firing, two kids, three hideous wedding outfits, 35,000 legal issues, and um… well I'm sure there's more to come. Love, White Trash Style!

Kim decides to celebrate by recreating key moments in their relationship. Surprisingly they don't all involve wigs, boobs, and fried chicken. Instead she's going to stage a surprise re-wedding at the venue where they first met when Kroy was a participant in Dancing With The Stars Atlanta. In case you don't remember that's first where Kim first fell for that a$$! 

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Kim Zolciak Biermann and Kandi Burruss may be going head-to-head in Federal Court, but they're also facing off in your living rooms.  That's right!  It's Kandi vs. Kim: Ratings Edition!  

While Kandi is suing her former friend and Real Housewives of Atlanta co-star over the song Don't Be Tardy for the PartyKim may be having the last laugh over whose spin-off is garnering the most attention.  Viewers were right on time for the premiere of season two of Kim's Don't Be Tardy show, while last week no one seemed to want to party at The Kandi Factory.  I wonder how Kim will feel to learn that this week she actually gave her new nemesis' show a boost?

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Last night I had a nightmare; a giant wig was taking over, smothering me with it's synthetic polyester strands and reeking of olive oil and burnt hair. It emerged from a microwave waving a cigarette in my face. It's tendrils grabbing at me like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, smothering me and whispering 'Biiiiig Poooopa. Don't Be Taaaardy for Biiiig Pooooppppa!' I couldn't escape! It was horrible! It was so frightening. I woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. That really happened. And it was called the premiere of Don't Be Tardy: When Wigs Attack. Otherwise known as the Wigs-N-Cigs Variety Show! 

So Kim Zolciak-Biermann invaded our screens again last night and the more things change the more they stay the same, eh. In the two-episode series premiere things open with Kim popping out Baby Kash. Yes, she was wearing a wig and stage make-up in the delivery room. No, she did not put down her phone even while crowning. And worst of all, Kroy Biermann was pigging out on fast food while she was having contractions. And that's how Kash emerged forth into the universe. Immediately before giving birth Kim starts directing her daughters to pick up a massive order of ravioli and frappuccinos. And cigarettes and wine. 

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Tonight two ladies who cannot stand each other face-off in dueling spinoffs and then they have to appear on WWHL together! Ok, just kidding about the WWHL part, but don't you wish?!

Kim Zolciak is being sued by former Real Housewives of Atlanta co-star Kandi Burruss over the single Tardy For The Party. And after spending weeks talking nonsense about Kandi and insulting her on multiple levels, Kim has filed papers of her own accusing Kandi of being a "shameless" publicity hound using the lawsuit to promote her spinoff The Kandi Factory

Kim also wants a judge to toss out the lawsuit claiming it has no merit according to TMZ. Kim is adamant that not only has she already fairly compensated Kandi for her services, but she paid in excess by $6,000! Kim also insists that Kandi doesn't even believe her own suit as she is simply attempting to pull a Sheree and use the courts to get attention.

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Well, well – look who is doing the dog and pony show to try and get on Dancing With The Stars?! None other than Kim Zolciak! Oh, heavens. 

I guess in Kim's case she's doing the Wig and Wine show with some crass sex jokes and cursing thrown in for good measure. I'm sure family-friendly ABC, who canceled Bachelor Pad because it was too trashy for their image, would love having her as an addition to next season's DWTS cast! 

The Don't Be Tardy star tells E! News that she would "definitely entertain the idea" of being on DWTS. Because she's so qualified and has a lot of dance experience. Stripping does not count. "I danced for 18 years of my life, ballet, tap and jazz as a kid," Kim shares.

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Bravo Events - 2013

Kim Zolciak has the perfect plan for keeping her Bravo spinoff career going: more babies! And more legal dramas! 

The Don't Be Tardy star recently shared that she and husband Kroy Biermann are planning for baby no. 3. Oh lord. Aren't we all tired of that storyline already? Kim and Kroy want a daughter this time. 

"We're not done. I think we'll have one more. We'll see." Kim credits Kash being an easy baby as the reason she's ready for a third. "He sleeps 12 hours and wakes up smiling!" Kim told Us Weekly of Kash. "I was the most well-rested new mom on the planet." 

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Don't Be Tardy... - Season 1

Kim Zolciak will be back to traumatize us next week. Oh how I've missed my television sans wigs, cigs, and mistresses on an egotrip! Luckily for me I will not long await the return of classless wig porn talk, fast food binges, and the bellowing war cry of "SWEEEEETIEEEE!" 

Don't Be Tardy premieres with back-to-back episodes next Tuesday! Bravo just released the official press photos of Lady Wigs and her strands of terror.

This season Kim and lobotomy victim hubby Kroy Biermann balance a blended family in a microscopic 5,000 square-foot townhome while they re-build their used dream home and battle in court with Kim's parents. Kroy makes plans to adopt Kim's daughters Brielle and Ariana. Oh he also plays some football and talks trashy with Kim.

Kim must keep drama stored in her wigs or something because she is never short of it! 

A preview for the season is below!  Don't Be Tardy premieres next Tuesday at 9/8c.

[Photo Credits: Derek Blanks/Bravo]

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