Last night on Don't Be Tardy the Zolciak-Biermann fam wrestled with parenting roles and expectations. It seems that Brielle is a child after Kim Zolciak's heart and by that I mean, well… Brielle needs a bit of guidance!
Things begin with Brielle's math tutor showing up. I'm guessing Bravo casting scoured the neo-Reganite Young Republicans club and found the most traditionally "square" looking kid, begged him to come sit at Kim's house and pretend to tutor Brielle in math. I hope they warned him that he may be treated to an eyefull of Kim's lactating boobs, or Kim's boobs bursting out of an ill-fitting top.
Kim harasses "Phillip" about following Brielle on twitter and allegedly stalking her because he's a fan of Kim. AHAHA! Yeah right. Kim wishes. "As if I would ever let a fan up in my house," Kim tells us. She seems way too devoted to knowing which of Brielle's classmates are interested in her. The answer: none. Is Kim repeating Karen's behaviors now that Brielle is getting older?
On last night's episode of Don't Be Tardy something I've long believed was confirmed. Kroy Biermann, like children of Victorian England, should be seen and not heard. The more he speaks, the more… just no.
In other occurrences Kim Zolciak demonstrated more awesome parenting and then got in a big fight with her husband over mirrors. She needs MORE MIRRORS everywhere so she can look at herself MORE TIMES. The naked photos dominating every wall aren't enough?
Things begin with Kim and KJ being cute. Ok, let me rephrase: KJ was being cute and Kim was rocking an In Living Color bandana. That was not cute. Kim tells us she knows nothing about football and since Kroy is going to the Super Bowl (in theory), she better learn the ins and outs of the game.
I'm pretty sure Kim already has the ins and outs covered which is how she ended up married, prenup-less, with two kids in less than three years. Girl knows the game very, very well! She by SheBroke better recognize!
You know what that means…a certain be-wigged one will be holding down the fort for Bravo's Tuesday night line-up. Will Kim Zolciak Biermann be vying for a schedule change for Don't Be Tardy? Hear that? It's the sound of a hundred wigs crying…
Bravo Ratings shares that Kim's audience fell 28.5% from last week and only pulled about 900,000 viewers in the original 9:30pm EST airing. Even worse that's the lowest number of viewers any of Kim's spinoffs have ever had – including last year's Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding!
Last night on Don't Be Tardy we got a second dose of Kim Zolciak's wedding jumpsuit. As if the over-exposing lace cameltoe monstrosity wasn't bad enough the first time around!
It's Kim and Kroy Biermann's first anniversary. They've been together three years total but they've had three homes, one eviction, one firing, two kids, three hideous wedding outfits, 35,000 legal issues, and um… well I'm sure there's more to come. Love, White Trash Style!
Kim decides to celebrate by recreating key moments in their relationship. Surprisingly they don't all involve wigs, boobs, and fried chicken. Instead she's going to stage a surprise re-wedding at the venue where they first met when Kroy was a participant in Dancing With The Stars Atlanta. In case you don't remember that's first where Kim first fell for that a$$!
While Kandi is suing her former friend and Real Housewives of Atlanta co-star over the song Don't Be Tardy for the Party, Kim may be having the last laugh over whose spin-off is garnering the most attention. Viewers were right on time for the premiere of season two of Kim's Don't Be Tardy show, while last week no one seemed to want to party atThe Kandi Factory. I wonder how Kim will feel to learn that this week she actually gave her new nemesis' show a boost?
Last night I had a nightmare; a giant wig was taking over, smothering me with it's synthetic polyester strands and reeking of olive oil and burnt hair. It emerged from a microwave waving a cigarette in my face. It's tendrils grabbing at me like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, smothering me and whispering 'Biiiiig Poooopa. Don't Be Taaaardy for Biiiig Pooooppppa!' I couldn't escape! It was horrible! It was so frightening. I woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. That really happened. And it was called the premiere of Don't Be Tardy: When Wigs Attack. Otherwise known as the Wigs-N-Cigs Variety Show!
So Kim Zolciak-Biermann invaded our screens again last night and the more things change the more they stay the same, eh. In the two-episode series premiere things open with Kim popping out Baby Kash. Yes, she was wearing a wig and stage make-up in the delivery room. No, she did not put down her phone even while crowning. And worst of all, Kroy Biermann was pigging out on fast food while she was having contractions. And that's how Kash emerged forth into the universe. Immediately before giving birth Kim starts directing her daughters to pick up a massive order of ravioli and frappuccinos. And cigarettes and wine.
Kim also wants a judge to toss out the lawsuit claiming it has no merit according to TMZ. Kim is adamant that not only has she already fairly compensated Kandi for her services, but she paid in excess by $6,000! Kim also insists that Kandi doesn't even believe her own suit as she is simply attempting to pull a Sheree and use the courts to get attention.