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Game Of Crowns

 Game of Crowns cast

 It’s finale time for Game of Crowns. This season we laughed, we cried, we watched Lynne try to cry without actually manufacturing human tears. We toughed it out through talk of cuchinis and butt glue. We stuck by this crazy-train of a show like a tacky matching jumpsuit. So if (well, when) the show is not renewed for another season, we can at least say we bore witness to it all. Let us now recap what may be the final moments of lukewarm fame for Vanassa Sebastian, Lynne Diamante, Shelley Carbone, Susanna Paliotta, Leha Guilmette, and Lori-Ann Marchese.

Last week left us at the Legends of the Crown pageant at Foxwoods Resort & Casino, with the final spot for the Top 5 still open. Four spots have already been filled by Shelley, Lori-Ann, and two other non-GOC cast members. Susanna, Vanassa, and Lynne wait in the wings for the announcer to say their names. But only one name can prevail! And that name is…Van-ASS-a. Yes, she wormed her way into the Top 5. Now Susanna and Lynne can go eat the loser buffet together backstage and talk about their best-friend sleepover tonight.

Game of Crowns cast

This week’s Game of Crowns brings us to the main event itself: “Legends of the Crown.” Legends is a pageant in which only previously-crowned beauty queens can compete. Since last week’s restraining order was issued (by Leha Guilmette to Lynne Diamante) the question now is who can compete against whom and…who’s gonna get arrested? Let’s see, shall we.

We begin at Lori-Ann Marchese’s house one day before the pageant where she’s prepping with the following mantra: tone it, tan it, strut it. Her husband is brushing bottled bronzer all over her in solidarity. She’s sick of the other ladies’ advice to “tone it down” in competitions, so this time Lori-Ann is bringing her true (orange) self to the stage. Woot woot!

In a boxing ring in RI, Leha is unleashing her pent up rage by working out with a coach. Picturing Lynne’s face each time she punches him helps Leha stay fit and pageant-ready. Leha reminds us that Lynne has messed with her for the last time and she’s hitting back now.

 Game Of Crowns - Season 1

This episode of Game of Crowns brought us back to the pageant-prep circuit. Leha Guilmette serves Lynne Diamante with a cold hard restraining order, Vanassa Sebastian gets a clean bill of health, and Lori-Ann Marchese convinces her husband that fitness and pageants are more important than having babies right now, thankyouverymuch. While we’ve barely recovered from Lynne’s 15th wedding a-la-gargoyle, onward and upward we must go, my friends!

Susanna Paliotta and Lynne are ready to be crowned as the next Mrs. Rhode Island U.S. and Mrs. Massachusetts U.S., respectively. These are the titles they won through the mail, according to Vanassa’s intel. Susanna shows up looking like she got caught in one of those toilet-paper wedding dresses that brides-to-be get at their showers, except it’s pink, while Lynne is wearing her best crushed velour. Susanna interviews that the Mrs. United States pageants are the Princeton of pageants. I’ll just let that sink in a moment. Lynne addresses the fact that she and Susanna DID mail in a fee and an application for the titles they are about to receive, so I guess Vanassa wasn’t off the mark on this one. The ceremonial crowning takes place in a wood-paneled back room of an IHOP and the audience consists of twelve hapless sad sacks who mean mug the ladies during the entire shebang. Princeton has really gone downhill as of late.

RHOC Lizzie Rovsek

This week’s reality TV viewer numbers are in – and the Real Housewives of Orange County have two reasons to celebrate this week. Real Housewives of Orange County attracted over two million viewers for the first time this season, with 2.032 million tuning in to see Lizzie call out Tamra, and RHOC was the highest rated show currently airing on Bravo for two weeks in a row now.

Real Housewives of New Jersey saw a small but much needed increase in viewership, with 2.007 million watching to see how the terrible first responder’s party ended. RHOC‘s rising ratings pushed RHONJ into the #2 spot on Bravo’s lineup. The third and final part of the Real Housewives of New York reunion garnered 1.305 million viewers, bringing its season average to 1.291 million.

CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR MORE – PLUS THE BREAKDOWN!

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On last night’s episode of Game of Crowns, Lynne Diamante celebrates her 15th wedding by creeping everyone out with live gargoyles, Vanassa Sebastian drags some of the ladies along to her breast cancer awareness charity walk, and Leha Guilmette decides to finally bite back at the blue-haired beast that is Lynne Diamante.   

We’re back at Shelley Carbone’s house in Newport, RI, where she has just told Lynne she won’t be attending her 15th wedding vow renewal.  Lynne is having a toddler meltdown while Vanassa is upstairs applying extra shellac to her face.  Shelley is annoyed that Lynne is guilt-tripping her about not attending Lynne’s blessed event (which happens every year) as Lynne starts to whine and cry about her 15th wedding being a “new beginning” for her.  She breaks down in some pageant tears which Vanassa describes as Oscar-worthy.  Razzie-worthy, more like.  Vanassa jumps on the pity party bandwagon and directs her guilt-tripping toward Lori-Ann, who promptly tells Vanassa to screw off, then walks away.  I like her style.  

Real Housewives of New York reunion

The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and the second installment of the Real Housewives of New York reunion garnered 1.514 million viewers, while the Real Housewives of Orange County saw a season high with 1.974 million tuning in to see them travel to Bali. For reasons I will never understand, 2.367 million watched the most vapid person on the planet contemplate adoption on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. As if.

Dance Moms saw a tiny increase in viewership. 1.517 million watched Abby vs. Cathy, but that’s still a far cry from the pre-Kelly/Abby fight numbers.

Promise of a catty fight on Real Housewives of New Jersey attracted 1.753 million viewers, 903,000 Don’t Be Tardy fans watched the Biermann Bunch go to Florida, and a new headache-inducing episode of Teen Mom 2 garnered 1.774 million viewers. Game of Crowns lost nearly 200,000 viewers. For most shows, that would not be a big deal, but to go from 618,000 viewers last week to 419,000 viewers this week is just terrible.

CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE BREAKDOWN!

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On last night’s Game of Crowns, we take a week off from pageants to revisit some old drama: matching jumpsuits, death threats, and Lynne. And introduce some new drama: vow renewals, peace pipes, and Lynne.  

We pick up backstage at the Mrs. New England States pageant where a freshly crowned Vanassa Sebastian marches off to drag her husband Brian into the fray with Susanna Paliotta’s stylist, Anthony.  Reminder: Anthony sold Vanassa and Susanna the awful matching jumpsuits that caused a ruckus oh, I don’t know, a million years ago. The pageant director reminds Vanassa that she has a crown on her head, so she should STFU, but that ain’t gonna happen. Susanna’s eldest daughter Victoria gets involved and Susanna is a proud mommy. Meanwhile in another corner, Nick confronts Lynne Diamante about her accusation that he threatened to kill her. Lynne promptly ignores him and slithers away. Everyone parts ways after giving up/being asked to leave by official parties.

RHOC Heather Dubrow

The reality TV viewer numbers are in. Real Housewives of Orange County remained steady, with 1.778 million watching Lizzie’s sad birthday party. As for the other housewives, a gossip filled episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey garnered 1.885 million viewers, and part one of the Real Housewives of New York reunion attracted 1.312 million.

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta saw a dip in viewership on Monday night, with 3.435 million watching Mimi struggle, but VH1′s ratings powerhouse still won the night. The random Thursday night episode did not fare well, however, with only 2.158 million tuning in. But guess what… it still won the night!

This week’s two episodes of Game of Crowns averaged only 582,000 viewers. Newsflash, Bravo: watching women play dress up and compete for a crown is not very interesting. A double dose of Don’t Be Tardy averaged 1.178 million viewers. Turns out, listening to Kim talk about her hooha and her addictions is more entertaining than Mrs. Pageants. Who knew?

CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR MORE – PLUS THE BREAKDOWN!

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