On last night’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, things begin with Kris Jenner and Leah Jenner taking a random midnight dip in the ocean. Kris decides to not let Kendall and Kylie’s hatred of her bother her. Apparently, at any given time, at least one of her kids can’t stand her, so basically it’s same old same old to Kris. #DysfunctionAtItsFinest
Kim Kardashian has decided not to let her embarrassing run in with Brody Jenner stop her from her selfie project. That’s too bad. Today Kim has graduated from standard ‘selfies’ and is now taking a$$ selfies. You read that right. Did one of her employees just rub her butt with oil and then apply sand. Seriously. Was this written in to their Kartrashian Kontract? Must be willing to apply baby oil and other lotions (amongst other elements) to Kimberley’s derriere. Quick question; how many employees does it take to apply oil and sand to Kim’s ass? If you answered 3 you were correct.
It is bad news for Real Housewives of New Jersey and Game of Crowns. Real Housewives of New Jersey lost over 500K viewers, with 1.642 million total viewers (but only 994,000 viewers in the key demo) watching the holiday episode. The premiere of Game of Crowns did not garner 1.2 million viewers as previously reported. Actually, 666,000 watched the premiere and 516,000 watched this week‘s episode, and now Bravo bumped it out of its time slot next week in favor of Don’t Be Tardy.
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There is always another Kardashian product to be hawked!
Kris Jenner, the pimpmomager matriarch of America’s first family of famewhore is now releasing a family kookbook! In the Kitchen with Kris: A Kollection of Kardashian-Jenner Family Favorites will hit shelves in October and will show you how you can eat to get that famous Kardashian derriere!
“I finally got so tired of sharing my recipes one-by-one with everybody that asked, that it just made sense to do a book and put it all together,” Kris explained. I’ve only seen Kris cook once on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, but I’m sure the family’s favorite restaurants are donating some recipes. Seriously – whenever they are eating on the show it’s takeout or in restaurants or complete crap convenience food (like Kim always eating Ramen Noodles!).
Kanye West is the male version of Farrah Abraham. Anytime either Kanye or Farrah give an interview, I get a headache trying to make sense of it! I sit and stare at the words, hoping they will unscramble themselves, but they never do.
Kanye talked to GQ shortly after his wedding. The result is what I have come to expect from Kanye, scrambled nonsense yet strangely entertaining.
Kanye compared his new wife, Kim Kardashian, to a dinosaur. Because she’s “cool” and “rarely seen” just like a dinosaur. Um, rarely?! First, when was the last time Kanye saw a dinosaur? Second, Kim can be seen 24/7 via Instagram.
Things kick off at Rob’s apartment. Khloe Kardashian is homeless y’all. I find it hard to believe anyone with an estimated net worth of $18 million could be homeless. Not to mention her mother has a home the size of Disneyland and her step father offered her to crash at his Malibu mansion just last episode. Nice try Khloe, but you my dear are not homeless and I don’t expect to see you at the soup kitchen anytime soon. Khloe and Rob’s relationship is borderline incestuous. Actually it’s not even borderline, it just is. Rob gifts Khloe with sex toys as a welcome present and Khloe announces she will wear lingerie for him. Khloe admits their relationship is like a married couple. I can’t believe I’m going to say this – I’m actually looking forward to Kim taking selfies.
So, the Kardashians have been quiet lately, haven’t they? Yeah, right! If Kim and krew could go a day without gracing every form of media, I may be concerned for their well-being–or the well-being of North West, although Kanye West already has that covered. More on that in a bit…
The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and Real Housewives of New Jersey failed to draw a big crowd. The season 6 premiere attracted 2.14 million viewers overall. However, in the key demo, it was the lowest rated premiere episode in the history of the show. For comparison’s sake, season 5 premiered to 2.842 million and the season 5 average was 2.29 million.
Blessedly Kim does have daughter North with her, although North seems to be spending most of her time with the nanny while Kim suns herself and photoshops bikini selfies. Yes, Kim, we know you photoshop your twit-pics!
Below are photos of Kim doing some topless tanning in an itty-bitty-butt-implant-baring yellow bikini. Isn’t tanning counter-intuitive to all the botox and fillers?