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Keeping up with the Kardashians

Do you think Kim Kardashian would have gone through with her sham wedding had she known the divorce would not only out-last the nuptials but also threaten to destroy her kimpire? Probably not, but who knows with these fame whores!

In the latest element of the divorce saga plaguing Kim, future ex-husband Kris Humphries is refusing to back down in his quest to expose Kimmie Kakes and her family for the frauds they are. Kris’ lawyers are petitioning to depose Kim on camera – which she is opposed to. I know, Kim opposed to being on film? There’s a first time for everything! Now the ex-couple is also fighting over Kim’s $2M engagement ring. See, Kris wants it back and Kim wants to keep it.

“Kris wants the ring back because the marriage only lasted 72 days and he believes it was based on fraud and deceit. Remember, Kim filed for divorce. Kris paid for that ring, and he just can’t fathom why Kim would want to keep it,” a source close to the exes tells RadarOnline. “It’s not like she is ever going to wear it again. Kris realizes that with Kim it’s all about material objects and she truly treasures things over people in her life.”

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Welcome, y’all!  It’s your daily dose of Kardashianasty!  For those of you who actually expected Khloe  Kardashian to shy away from the small screen after bowing out of Khloe and Lamar, think again.  HollywoodLife.com is reporting that Khloe would like to try a different television genre.  A family insider tells the site, “Khloe wants her own talk show.  She had been working on different ideas for a show and Kris [Jenner] was the one who originally came up with the idea.”  Wait, what?  Pimpmomager Kris wants her daughter to be a talk show host?  Well knock me over with a feather, I’m shocked!

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The legal battle between Kim Kardashian and insta-ex husband Kris Humphries rages on. In the latest development, Kris’s lawyers asked for more time to pursue evidence that the whole marriage was a publicity stunt. If the pair doesn’t reach a resolution, the case could go to trial, which could bust open the Kardashian facade. Kim’s lawyer Laura Wasser says Kris is extending the case needlessly, saying “I feel that (Humphries’) personal feelings and maybe some media drive is keeping this case alive.”

Kim’s team said in court last week that if the case is decided in her favor, she will demand that Kris pay her legal fees. The lawyers will return to court on August 15.

Clearly having a better marriage is sister Khloe Kardashian, who has had to deal with pregnancy rumors as of late after she and husband Lamar Odom decided to walk away from their reality show Khloe and Lamar. What may put a stop to those rumors is her recent 20 pound weight loss. Her trainer tells Life and Style her method:

“She eats mostly fresh fruits and vegetables, with small amounts of lean proteins like fish and chicken. She trains like an athlete when she’s with us, even doing weight training. We also run the canyons surrounding their house. Plus she does pilates and stair-running on her own.”

Sounds dreadful! Mama Kris Jenner tells the magazine that the couple is “SO happy” now they no longer have a pesky reality show to worry about. A recent photo posted to Twitter shows a slimmer, glowing Khloe:

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Despite E! denying it this week, rumors are still flying about a possible third walk down the aisle for Kim Kardashian.

This week’s print edition of Us Weekly claims that Kim and Kanye West are moving in a serious direction at breakneck speed and are already talking rings and nuptials. Their closest friends aren’t the least bit surprised because the two have known each other for so long. A source shared, “They’ve been friends for so long and they really know and love each other.”

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Is anything ever what it seems in Kardashialand?  Who’s marrying whom?  Which sister is knocked up?  Which sister is divorcing?  Which sister is forced to forgo college plans so she can bank roll her mother?  Where did Rob go?  Do they just bring him out of the basement when they need him?  It’s a hurricane of uncertainty with the Kardashian Krew.

In recent weeks, all eyes have been on Klamar and the state of their union.  The couple has decided not to continue with reality show, and in an effort to lay low (Kardashian style, of course) Khloe Kardashian was on the cover of People magazine discussing the pair’s marriage.  Baby steps.  The most quotable from that interview was Khloe relaying, “I like to think divorce is not an option.”  Tabloids and blogs everywhere (cough, cough) are now jumping to dissect the phrase “I like to think” in her statement.

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Oh Jimmy Kimmel, you just inched up a few slots on my cool people list.

Last night at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, the comedian made Kim Kardashian the butt of several jokes. She and pimpmomager Kris Jenner saved face by laughing when the cameras panned their way, but I’m sure they were genuinely delighted to be the center of attention.

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Aaahhh… Kim Kardashian, no matter how much you try to distract us with Kimye; your divorce is not going away! And to remind us of how skanky and greedy you are is Kris Humphries!

This past week Kimye enjoyed a PDA-laden dinner at Scott Disick‘s new restaurant RYU, which was of course captured on film for one of the umpteen Kardashian reality shows (for which they recently scored a $40M deal to create). While Kim is focused on making-out, Kris is still focused on annulling that embarrassing 72-day-lapse in sanity also known as his marriage to Kimmie Kakes. And allegedly, Kanye is now part of his plan for proving the Kardashians’ shameless ways!

“Kris was surprised to learn that Kim was including her new relationship with Kanye West on the show,” a source close to Kris tells RadarOnline.”The crux of Kris’ case for annulment is that Kim married him under fraudulent pretenses and did it for her reality show. Team Humphries wants to know if producers of the Kardashian reality shows were in contact with Kanye prior to the new couple dating or going public with their relationship and what those conversations consisted of.”

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Well, I have some unfortunate news, so I hope you’re all sitting down. The Kardashians will definitely NOT be leaving our TV’s anytime soon – or our pop culture lexicon. Despite Kim Kardashian‘s sham wedding (with accompanying very public divorce) and the tremendous negative backlash from the media and the public, American’s favorite famewhores have just inked a $40 Million three-year reality television deal with E!. So, if this doesn’t confirm that Kimye is a publicity stunt – really, I don’t know what would!

Yes, despite petitions, and threats, and absolute proof that their shows are staged crap – they will be back whether we like it or not!

According to TMZ, the attention-seeking family behind Keeping Up With The Kardashians will continue airing all their dirty laundry – real and created – for our viewing consumption with the lion’s share of the massive deal being split between Kris Jenner, Bruce Jenner, Khloe Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, and of course no 1 paycheck, Kim, all of whom will receive equal salaries!

Ironically the numbers for last season’s KUWTK averaged only about 3 M viewers per episode – on par (or below) with most Housewives, but apparently the Kardashians’ scandals and drama are worth their weight in gold for the network; which basically exists purely to broadcast the family’s lives. The deal does not include any new shows! So when Kim and Kanye West start pimping out their totally authentic romance, they will iron out their own deal. Which means more ka-ching!

The less famous and thereby second-rate family members, Rob Kardashian along with Kylie and Kendall Jenner will receive considerably less. Scott Disick and Mason also get a cut of the profit, but they have a separate deal with the network. You know Kris was trying to insure against any possible break-ups!

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