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Keeping up with the Kardashians

Scott Disick Kourtney Kardashian

Something in the buttermilk ain’t clean! Once again, the Kardashians claim something awful happened to them. Something that wasn’t caught on camera or leaked to the press as it happened. Call me crazy, but I don’t believe them.

In March, Khloe Kardashian reported $250,000 worth of jewelry missing from her Tarzana home and Kourtney Kardashian claimed $50,000 cash was stolen from her Calabasas home. Both thefts remain unsolved. Now Kourtney wants us to believe $4,000 was stolen from her Southampton home. What a shame nobody stole that jumpsuit before she could wear it in public. Oy.

Kim Zolciak, who has six kids, one hot husband, and a house full of wigs, has 59 security cameras in her home. But the Kardashians, who have hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of cash and valuables lying around, have no reliable cameras in their homes? Yeah, OK.

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 kuwtk3

On last night’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the girls each got the chance to show off their new McMansions. Kris Jenner and MJ got high off magic Gummi Bears and Bruce Jenner was a buzzkill. Surprise Surprise. Scott Disick got sloppy and became Scott circa Miami meltdown and Kourtney Kardashian may or may not have failed to take Khloe Kardashian to dinner before screwing her over.

Things begin with Khloe and Kourtney playing grab ass while mocking Kim Kardashian for her Vogue Cover. Really we should be mocking Anna Wintour for her poor lapse of judgment. Maybe she was high too? Kim has a case of sour grapes because her sisters didn’t drop their lives, worship her, kiss her feet, hands and ass and come to the newsstand at 5am to purchase one of the first copies of Kim’s bible cover. Khloe taunts Kim and tells her she already has her copy and reads it while she is on the john. #ToiletMaterial

kim kardashian selfie

If you follow Kim Kardashian on Instagram, you know the Keeping Up With the Kardashians star loves to take a selfie. Well now, like any good Kardashian, Kim is turning her love of selfies into some cold, hard cash.

Mrs. Kanye West recently inked a deal to publish a new book of selfies. You can pre-order yours today, but you have to wait until April 2015 to get your copy.

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Real Housewives of New York reunion

The reality TV viewer numbers are in – and the second installment of the Real Housewives of New York reunion garnered 1.514 million viewers, while the Real Housewives of Orange County saw a season high with 1.974 million tuning in to see them travel to Bali. For reasons I will never understand, 2.367 million watched the most vapid person on the planet contemplate adoption on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. As if.

Dance Moms saw a tiny increase in viewership. 1.517 million watched Abby vs. Cathy, but that’s still a far cry from the pre-Kelly/Abby fight numbers.

Promise of a catty fight on Real Housewives of New Jersey attracted 1.753 million viewers, 903,000 Don’t Be Tardy fans watched the Biermann Bunch go to Florida, and a new headache-inducing episode of Teen Mom 2 garnered 1.774 million viewers. Game of Crowns lost nearly 200,000 viewers. For most shows, that would not be a big deal, but to go from 618,000 viewers last week to 419,000 viewers this week is just terrible.

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kim kardashian animal print

First and foremost let me congratulate Kim Kardashian on her 74 day anniversary of being married to Kanye West. Which for those of you may not know, is exactly 2 days longer than her previous marriage to Kris Humphries. You go Kim!

And speaking of her wedding, Kim finally opened up about her fairytale wedding weekend that took place in both Florence and Paris when she stopped by to chat with Jimmy Kimmel last night. She also shared some wedding insights  that we probably will not get to see on Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

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Kim Kardashian on late-night talk show Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Kim Kardashian’s stylist loves to make a statement.  The jury is still out on what that statement IS exactly. 

Kim stepped out in yet another attention grabbing ensemble this week, stopping by Jimmy Kimmel for an interview tonight.   Kim once again showed that she doesn’t care what body type an outfit is designed for, she’s going to wear it

Mrs. West crammed herself into an outfit clearly made for a tall lanky supermodel type with a much smaller chest, slimmer hips and longer legs.  Kim was spilling out of the white bustier and that long teal ..um robe? dress that wouldn’t close? boxer’s robe? lingerie? silk blouse?  In any case, whatever it is, it clung to her rear end and hips in a most unflattering way.  And I can’t tell what color those pants are supposed to be.  In some photo sets they looked beige and in others they appeared as a light pink.  They made her legs look even shorter than they are.  

So, is Kim doing it on purpose for the attention it brings when she wears ill-fitting and/or plain old bad fashion? Or is she just completely unaware how to dress for her body type? A little of both?  It’s interesting because she looked better when she arrived at the studio – in just a pair of ripped jeans and a t-shirt. 

Did you watch Kim’s interview tonight?  What was she promoting this time?

Update: Kim wrote on Instagram, “Tonight’s look- Ulyana Sergeenko.”

 kris-jenner-kuwtk

On last night’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, we saw the final installment of the Thailand vacay. Kim Kardashian continues to believe kids are fashion accessories and momentarily contemplates taking a Thai orphan home. Brody Jenner puts his protective big brother panties on and Khloe Kardashian opens up more about the disaster she once called her marriage..

Things kick off with a group boxing session. Khloe may or may not be visualizing the instructor is Lamar’s cheating a$$. She is a machine. Everyone is impressed and applauds her strength. Brody and Kim feel Khloe should quit kicking the instructors a$$ and just tap his a$$ instead. Kim decides it’s her turn in the ring after all she wants people to clap for her too! Apparently she doesn’t like to get her hands dirty, and instead opts to ding the bell. Everybody claps Kim’s big achievement.

RHOC Heather Dubrow

The reality TV viewer numbers are in. Real Housewives of Orange County remained steady, with 1.778 million watching Lizzie’s sad birthday party. As for the other housewives, a gossip filled episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey garnered 1.885 million viewers, and part one of the Real Housewives of New York reunion attracted 1.312 million.

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta saw a dip in viewership on Monday night, with 3.435 million watching Mimi struggle, but VH1′s ratings powerhouse still won the night. The random Thursday night episode did not fare well, however, with only 2.158 million tuning in. But guess what… it still won the night!

This week’s two episodes of Game of Crowns averaged only 582,000 viewers. Newsflash, Bravo: watching women play dress up and compete for a crown is not very interesting. A double dose of Don’t Be Tardy averaged 1.178 million viewers. Turns out, listening to Kim talk about her hooha and her addictions is more entertaining than Mrs. Pageants. Who knew?

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