The Kardashian gossip is just so juicy today, I am not sure which story with which to lead. Do I start with the Kris Jenner abuse allegations that are penned in her ex-husband Robert Kardashian's journal? Should I lead with a certain new VH1 star's claims that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were hooking up back during her Reggie Bush relationship? So. Much. Pressure.
Eh, we'll go with the second rumor first and save the juiciest for last. Y'all aren't shocked to hear that Kim was cheating on Reggie, are you?
It's what happens when reality worlds collide…secrets are spilled. This is especially true when one of the reality stars is trying desperately to promote his first season of appearing on Love & Hip Hop. Consequence, who calls himself "arguably the best ghostwriter of all times," (and he truly is–I now know from that statement where Kanye got his line from his drunken MTV Award tirade! Brilliant!) is spilling some deets on Kimye from years past, and he shares why there is no love lost between himself and his former friend, the tiny rapper.
Kardashian gossip is getting hard to keep up with…that's for sure. Is Bruce Jenner fighting dirty when it comes to divorcing Kris Jenner? Would he potentially purposely hurt his step-children in the process by outing Khloe Kardashian's "real" father? (I still think that's a silly rumor though). There is so much to speculate when it comes to this family, and heck, I wouldn't put it past Kris to have planted all of these stories herself to keep her family's names in the media.
Of course, she's not the only one who is getting her name out there. Kanye West's ex Brooke Crittendon is speaking out about his relationship with Kim Kardashian. The AAAM (aspiring actress and model) dated the tiny rapper from 2004 to 2006, but now she's coming forward in an interview about Kimye is so perfect for one another. Let's start with that!
Khloe Kardashian is finally saying enough is enough with all the media hype and gossip surrounding her. No, I'm not referring to her sister Kim's extreme insensitivity by claiming she suffered some infertility problems like Khloe. We all know that Kim got pregnant simply by going off the birth control pill, while Khloe has been struggling for more than a year to conceive with her husband. Now, she finds herself fighting tabloid rumors surrounding the status of her marriage.
As if she hasn't had horrible issues on her own, Khloe has been dealing with speculation about when she and Lamar Odom will start a family. Some media outlets refuse to give up on the idea that Lamar is stepping out on his wife. Can someone please cut Khloe a break?
Kim, Kimminy, Kim, Kimminy, Kim, Kim, Kah-ree…if Kim needs a chimney sweep, out of luck is he! Why? Because he won't know which multi-million dollar Bel-Air mansion to go to for his chimney services. More on that in a bit. In the meantime, let's chat about Kim Kardashian is living beneath her means…for once.
Oh, and P.S., Kim doesn't want your mommy advice. She is quite capable of taking care of the tiny rapper's baby without you telling her how to live and what soft cheeses to avoid. Seriously. She hasn't listened to the countless people who have asked her to fade into obscurity, why would she want to hear from fans who think she needs to fly less and eat more greens? Please, as if y'all want to give Kim and Kanye West parenting advice…like it would help.
Oh Kim Kardashian…if I were a licensed psychiatrist, I might diagnose you as a classic one-upper. You've built an empire on which your entire family was riding the coattails until each of your siblings (inevitably) became famous in their own reality right. It's the snowball effect. And we're all dumber because of it.
Kim watched her sister Kourtney give birth to two precious children, and she counseled (cough, cough) sister Khloe who was suffering from infertility while trying to conceive with her husband. Of course, now Kim is pregnant with Kanye West's baby, but she can't stop one-upping her sisters. I'm gonnna let you talk Kourtney, but this baby is the best Kardashian baby of all time. Sorry Mason and Penelope. Y'all are officially old news. Don't even get me started on poor Khloe's efforts to have a child. Geez. I'll let Kim speak for me.
It's a small world when it comes to reality television…even smaller when you're talking about Beverly Hills. Everything seems to overlap, and the same is true when talking about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Those two are all over the place!
Of course, pimp momager Kris Jenner wants to make sure she still has the upper hand when it comes to taking care of her favorite daughter, and she's going to make sure she gets her way. Also interesting is how everyone's favorite househusband helped the couple secure their new home. We'll also hear from one of their uber famous soon-to-be neighbors.
Y'all realize that, no matter what, the Kardashians aren't going anywhere any time soon. That said, don't shoot the messenger! Actually, today's Kardashian trash is at least humorous enough to provide some sort of entertainment.
Here's a quick breakdown: Kim Kardashian doesn't want to still be married to Kris Humphries when she gives birth (but there is quite a catch!), and Kim and Kanye West maintain that Kimye, Jr. will not be a part of E!'s fall line-up. Again, I'll believe that when I see it! Finally, the youngKendall Jennerdoesn't want to follow in her family's famewhoring footsteps. Sure.
It's official! Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are moving in together. Unfortunately for us, the house is on this planet. Despite my best efforts to convince Sir Richard Branson, he refuses to offer them a free space flight and leave them stranded on the moon. I really tried to pull some strings. Sorry.
As you all can imagine, the tiny rapper and his poorly dressed lady love (I have to remind y'all of this. Seriously?) aren't just moving into any house. To paraphrase a drunk Kanye, I'm gonna let you talk, but this is the best house of all time. For realsies.