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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Lisa Rinna in Amsterdam on RHOBH

Just because Lisa Rinna‘s lips (and the words that may pass through them) are fake, doesn’t mean everything about her is! Yes, she may have tried to pretend her terrible altercation with Kim Richards never happened, but it was because she just wanted to get through the worst Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills trip ever and return safely to US soil. Do ya’ blame the lady?!

Describing her long strange trip in Amsterdam as, “the weirdest f—-ing thing ever,” Lisa admits after the first night she entered into survival mode. “This entire episode was a roller coaster of emotions and, quite frankly, non-emotions,” she explains. “After what happened the first night in AmsterDAMN, I became severely AmsterDAMAGED, and as you can see, I was basically navigating my way around in a walking coma.” 

It wasn’t Lisa’s intention to be insincere or ignore reality, she just wanted to avoid anymore issues. “Out of desperation to keep my last ounces of sanity in tact, I made a decision in that moment to move on.”

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In today’s Reality Bites news roundup, we have Joanna Krupa and Joyce Giraud branching out into a new scripted series, Kanye West landing a role in the upcoming “Zoolander” sequel and Gigi Hadid slamming reports that she was snorting cocaine at a recent event. 

Joanna Krupa And Joyce Giraud Are Actresses Now

Former Real Housewives of Miami star Joanna Krupa has teamed up with former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Joyce Giraud for a new scripted series.  Joanna reposted the photo above from Darren Bettencourt, captioning it “Super fun and creative lunch! by @db_creative “Just finished a creative business lunch with two of the stars of my scripted series. Thank you @joannakrupa and @joyce_giraud, I can’t wait to tell the world what we are working on.  Dream big because anything is possible, and as long as you are a good person, good things will happen to you.”

Kyle Richards promotes Artsian Bistro a low-fat TV dinner

Kyle Richards is opening up about her “weight struggle,” which I presume led to a lifelong kaftan addiction? As a result of finally getting skinny the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star is hawking diet meals – and cutting out the wine? For the calories of course, because dieting and drinking don’t mix. Could that be the title of Brandi Glanvilles next book?!

Lamenting that she’s always been plagued by excess pounds, Kyle complains about her curves. “I’m not someone who can eat whatever. I’ve always battled my weight,” Kyle admits. “I’m much curvier than my sisters. It’s always been my Achilles heel. The struggle is real!” 

Luckily, Kyle has found a solution in the form of Artisan Bistro, which has alleviated the need for Kyle to have a personal chef at dinner parties. Instead she can serve the “organic, non-GMO, low-calorie frozen meals!” Screw SUR, here’s a microwaveable quinoa salad. 

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Season 5

We’re all still reeling from that slap heard ’round Holland on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Amster-damn straight no one should ever lay a finger on the fabulous Lisa Vanderpump, even if it was supposed to be a joke! Can I be honest for just a moment though? While it was stupid and tacky and rude and childish, had it been anyone other than Brandi Glanville, everyone would probably find it funny. I’m no Brandi fan, but it seems like if you’re talking and joking about slapping each other, there is potential for a legen–wait for it–dary round of Slapsgiving. Sure, you could argue that no one besides Brandi would ever behave in that manner…and you’d be right. That said, Kyle Richards barely mentions it her recap of this week’s episode because she’s confused as to how Lisa Rinna and sister Kim Richards went from screaming and glass shattering to shopping buddies in the blink of an eye.

Kyle begins, “We pick up in Amsterdam where we left off last week. I had decided to just stay clear of Brandi, because we had enough problems so far and I knew the possibilities that awaited me if I were to continue engaging with her. The next day I went to visit Yolanda [Foster] in her room. While I appreciated her wanting me to fix things with Kim, it just is not that simple. It’s difficult to get advice from someone who really doesn’t have the complete story. Frankly, I wanted to try to enjoy my time in beautiful Amsterdam and I knew that trying to fix things on this trip was impossible. This ‘fight’ isn’t an isolated incident. There is way too much baggage to explain to someone that is not family. I think it’s hard for someone like Yolanda to understand not just wanting to ‘patch’ things up, because she and her brother have a fun, easy going relationship. They are very fortunate. That doesn’t mean Kim and I don’t love each other. I love my sister very much and wish things were different. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to take a step back.”

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brandi glanville red lace

Brandi Glanville‘s new “business partner” Leeza Gibbons was a guest on her podcast, Brandi Glanville Unfiltered. The Celebrity Apprentice castmates dished on the show, their friendship, and how Brandi’s portrayal in the media – no thanks to Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills – is different than who she is in real life. Leeza played Brandi’s therapist for much of the show, and Brandi eventually confessed her behavior at the RHOBH reunion was horrible. 

Leeza agreed to be “semi-filtered” instead of “unfiltered,” which was a semi-shame because Brandi was on her best behavior and kept her trash-talking to a minimum, in lieu of fawning all over Leeza. 

Brandi blows a ton of smoke up the Celebrity Apprentice winner‘s butt, and the favor is returned by Leeza. Unfortunately. “You are the biggest surprise in my life,” gushes NuLisa, “Because you encourage me to drop the parts of me that are a little uptight. The parts of me that protect; the parts of me that need protecting.” Brandi repays the compliment by calling Leeza “clenched,” then laughs uproariously. She later teases Leeza about posing for Playboy. “Let’s get you naked!” she jokes. 

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American Humane Association Celebrates with Lisa Vanderpump

Lisa Vanderpump has capitalized in a huge way from joining Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. With one spinoff, Vanderpump Rules, a success and rumors that another spinoff for PUMP is headed to Bravo, Lisa is discussing how reality TV changed her life — for the better! Now that’s an statement we don’t often hear from reality stars… 

“It was a good move,” Lisa acknowledges of how reality TV has bolstered her restaurant business (no matter how many writers complained of dismal food tours!). In addition to restaurants and spinoffs, since teaming up with Bravo, Lisa has added a jewelry collection, a tabletop collection, and both a sangria and vodka to her business platform. And Lisa has no plans of stopping because all of these ventures have “done really well.” 

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Reality TV Viewer Numbers RHOBH Ratings

It’s time to roundup the reality TV viewer numbers for the week.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills logged its largest audience since January with 1.961 million tuning in to see Brandi Glanville slap Lisa Vanderpump. The aftermath of Phaedra Parks and Kenya Moore’s face-off over Mr. Chocolate on Real Housewives of Atlanta attracted 3.604 million viewers.

Also this week, Love & Hip Hop and Little Women LA remained as steady as ever, Shahs of Sunset dropped down to just over one million viewers, and the reunion specials for Vanderpump Rules and Mob Wives failed to outperform the season finales. Look below to see how your shows are doing.

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Lisa Vanderpump vs. Brandi Glanville - Again!

Brandi Glanville is often wholly unpredictable, but on this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills her erratic behavior is leaving co-stars and former friend reeling. Lisa Vanderpump says she has officially had her fill and after Brandi slapped her – even though it was playful – she was done investing in their friendship. 

Lisa wants it known, THE SLAP wasn’t hard but the intention behind it is what truly left her in shock – and it was the culmination of other factors which happened earlier in the day between herself and Brandi (which weren’t shown) that really upset her. “I was shocked, reeling,” admits Lisa. “I have never insinuated that it was that hard. I had a small scratch on my upper lip from her acrylic claws, but the strength of the slap was not the issue.”

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