The girls are packing, which means a secret and exalted Bravo ritual known as CLOSET TOURS!
First and foremost – unfortunately – we are in the mumu factory. Tucked deep in a corner of Beverly Hill is a tiny, cluttered, neon-covered, eye-searingly printed lair known as Kyle Richards‘ dressing room. Ironically one of the closet rods actually collapses under the kaftan weight and refuses to be put right. Girl – that’s a sign! Even Porsha, aged 7, refused to help Kyle put the bar back up – she shot mama a knowing side-eye that said, “Things happen for a reason.” MmmmHmmmm…
The highlights – OK, lowlights, are below. And no, we’re not bullying Brandi by PULLING direct quotes from her so don’t try it. It’s not our fault her truth cannons sometimes self-detonate!
First of all Nik is so freaking cheesy. He sucks up to Brandi hardcore and she takes the bait. Then they rehash every. single. dramatic moment of Brandi’s life, but I do like Nik’s voice and he asks insightful questions.
It wasn’t intentional – the Sacramento, CA SPCA reached out to the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star with information about a Pom named Harrison who suffers form Alopecia. Giggy also suffers from Alopecia, so the animal rescue organization obviously knew they could find support in Lisa, who has been active in charities for children with the disease. The SPCA hoped Lisa would help get the word out about Harrison needing a loving home – but she ended up doing so much more.
“I’m glad Yolanda suggested that we get together at this charming park by her house,” shared Erika. “It was nice to get her out and walking and to meet Kyle. Yolanda was right; we both have a lot in common. We’re the same age, we were both young moms, and we work in entertainment.”
Kim Richards is probably super thankful that Yolanda Foster’s health and battle with Lyme Disease has taken over as the central focus of this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It could’ve gone the other way and we’d be talking about Kim’s sobriety and arrests for the entire season. I’m not sure yet which one is worse.
Yolanda had a lot to say this week, blogging a hella long one! In it, she talked about her journey with Lyme, her appreciation of those who don’t judge her, and more. She started off sharing a bit about her magical holiday in Colorado with her three kids. “I’m in the snow with my children. We had a beautiful, quiet, no gifting, no stress Christmas; we cooked, ate too much, and played lots of games. Our family tradition of handwritten letters to each other is the one thing I keep close to my heart as there is no greater gift than feeling appreciated by your loved ones. Even though it’s freezing cold, it feels good to be close to nature and the infectious energy that comes with having everyone together under one roof–keeping up is worth the fight. I want to be as present as I can be right here, right now, as I know these are precious moments as I watch my kids grow. The holidays come and go so quickly–this break from my disciplined routine is a treat.”
Eileen described this episode as “a learning experience” in her blog.
“One, I learned that even swans have emergency rooms. Really, Hanky? Not nice to bite the hand that literally feeds you! Get well soon, and learn some swan manners before you’re singing your swan song. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.),” joked Eileen. “Two, during the tour of CBS, I learned that Lisa [Vanderpump] (or Eve Harrington as I’ll now call her) wouldn’t hesitate to steal my job. Three, I find out Lisa [Rinna] has had a relationship with her bikini waxer for longer than I have known my husband. Four, I also learned that now I can do anything I have ever wanted, because Lisa R had her fanny waxed on national TV.”
Last week Brandi fired off a text to Lisa which said, “Merry Christmas vanderC*nt and yes i am having my moment 🙂 AND it’s amazing!!! How is yours???? hahahahah #karmasabitch Or is it a c-nt?? Hahahaha.” The timing of the text came just after Lisa revealed that her dog, Daddio, the father of Giggy, alopecia-wonder-pom, had passed away.
Lisa retaliated by putting Brandi on blast on twitter, then TMZ, to accuse Brandi’s “karma” text of being a reference to Daddio’s death. Brandi insists Lisa was well-aware that her text had nothing to do with Daddio’s death, because Brandi is a passionate dog feeces as home decor lover and “doesn’t check in on her [Lisa’s] life”.
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills I learned many important lessons 1) Lyme Disease is airborne via rude comments (and leaky silicone); 2) Gigi Hadid is a child prodigy in the kitchen; 3) Pink heels are a patented trademark and copyright of Lisa Vanderpump; 4) Late-night pharmaceutical commercials are correct: depression hurts; 5) 70 is the new 17 as pertains to male horniness; 6) swan attacks are serious (thriller starring Kim Richards coming soon – Swanado: The Revenge Of Hanky); 7) There is an uglier, more overpriced item in Beverly Hills than $25,000 sunglasses and that is the Cartier Panther ring; And finally 8) Erika Jayne is living out all of our ABBA disco queen fantasies – except we’ve never heard of her. I still like the bitch. She’s fierce. (note sarcasm of my language, but I do like Erika because she’s sassy and not easily intimidated, but still classy).
OK, well see ya next week – I gotta make sure I didn’t contract Lyme Disease from my TV. Cause like that shit is VIRAL. Even Kyle Richards may have a little bit of Lyme, or Munchausen By Proxy From Friends. I think that’s called ‘Keeping Up With The Vanderpump-itis” and yes, Kyle is quite afflicted!