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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we were treated to a feast of crazy. Newbie Yolanda Foster tells us her biggest problem in life is having too many lemons about her house (she has an orchard of lemon trees), and after last night's dinner party I think  that very well may be the case. Sometimes friendships go sour, and sometimes sour grapes ruin a friendship before it even begins. 

Things begin with Kim Richards getting her youngest daughter Kimberly ready for prom. Kim is breathless with anxiety and is taking out her stress by molesting a vat of chicken salad for 100 while Kimberly gets her hair done. Kim comes out with this bowl that weighs as much as she does and sets it down in the middle of some banquet feast saying she just wants everything to be perfect.

It was literally the chicken salad that ate Kim Richards and she was running her fingers through it, caressing it, just praying on this chicken mess that everything would go perfectly. 

Kimberly's boyfriend shows up and he's 20 to her 16. What?! Maybe they should stay home and eat chicken salad. How exactly did this man meet this teenager and who exactly is condoning this? Well, besides Bravo and Kim, obviously. I'll try not to judge… I have to say I cannot get over how gorgeous Kimberly is and how much she looks like a young Kim. 

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We can always count on Brandi Glanville to say what we're all thinking. That's why we love her, right?! In this case the outspoken Real Housewives of Beverly HIlls star is commenting on Taylor Armstrong's behavior at Portia's fourth birthday party in last week's episode. 

If you recall, shortly after Brandi high-tailed it out of there fearing the crazy would be unleashed, Taylor started loose-lipping salacious gossip about Brandi to anyone that would listen. Taking to her Bravo blog, Brandi says she's pretty sure Taylor's behavior was spurned by drunkeness – and she was prepared!

"When Taylor arrived seemingly drunk to a four years birthday party I had a good idea that s— was gonna go down. So after hearing some of the things she was starting to talk about and also seeing her passive aggressively ignore me as she spoke to both of people sitting on either side of me, I decided to get gone," Brandi recalls

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I just don't know what to say/think about Taylor Armstrong anymore. The woman known for her lips, among other outrageous things, is speaking out in her Bravo blog about attending Portia's birthday party – and on the situation with Brandi Glanville

Let's break this down, shall we: 

First of all the Real Housewives of Beverly HIlls star blames last season's reunion for the animosity – and she doesn't understand why Brandi is afraid of lil ol' her. I don't understand why Taylor is still on this show, but that's just me!

"There were many strong personalities present that day and certainly bad vibes between some of us. My relationship with Brandi became strained during the reunion last year and it has created tension that is in need of resolution. I find it unbelievable that she behaves as if she is anxious about seeing me."

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know what they say…if you're not being featured on every episode of a reality show, the best thing you can do is make the media rounds so people either A) don't forget about you, or B) (in the case of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' "star" Marisa Zanuck) know who you are before you're ever seen on the small screen.  We won't see Marisa until the eighth episode of RHOBH (yes, you read that correctly…THE EIGHTH!!  That's not even a friend of a housewife, is it Dana Wilkey?), but she's bombarding our favorite blogs with controversial interviews.  I may just like her.  :) 

You may recall Marisa has already talked smack about Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice and revealed that Lisa Vanderpump is nice…when the cameras are rolling.  Now, she's talking about how awful her co-star Taylor Armstrong is.  The lady is all about making friends, isn't she?  Not that I blame her…with the exception of my pink puff of fabulousness known as Jiggy's mom, I think she's probably spot-on with her personality perceptions.

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Who has colored clip in extensions, glittery make-up, a hoof-tastic shoe line, a wardrobe that belongs on the Love Boat, and fancies herself a Louis Vuitton?  Why, it's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Adrienne Maloof, of course! 

After quite a bitter divorce battle, it's nice that Adrienne has something to focus on, even if it is an overly tacky handbag line.  Bless her heart.  Adrienne sported one of her new bags to a recent Lakers game, and she tweeted a picture of the pocketbook, commenting, "Took one of my new Adrienne Maloof handbags out for a spin last night at the Lakers game!"

I can only imagine how much Adrienne is charging for these initialed wonders, but she's certainly giving Gretchen Christine a run for the money in ridiculousness!

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Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies bored us to death and then got crotchety and bitchy at Portia's fourth birthday party. I don't know about you, but I always aim to get my drunk on and cause some trouble near the ring-around-the-faux-unicorn corral. Don't step in the shit, girls! 

Before all that there were Househusbands in heels, some really bizarre timing, and a peace offering tree trunk that landed like deadweight and the fall was heard round the BH. Oh, and stage moms from hell! Weeee!

Watching this show makes me think that the zombie apocalypse will come from fillers and Botox eating the brains of the living and causing us to look like melted wax-faced drones incapable of moving our faces and conveying emotions. Brainless and melty faced, the streets of Beverly Hills will be filled with ladies hobbling around similarly to the way Paul Nassif and Mauricio Umansky did in their heels. 

So things begin with Kyle Richards and Adrienne Maloof spending my yearly paycheck on clothes for Portia. Is $300 the standard budget for a birthday present there or is this just price inflation at work because four-year-olds spill a lot and do not need zillion dollar wardrobes (or birthday parties).

Of course the real reason for this shopping trip had absolutely nothing to do with poor scapegoated Portia; the real reason was so Adrienne could talk about her nemesis, Lisa Vanderpump. Apparently Adrienne is ready to put the past behind her but Lisa is unwilling to forgive, that makes Lisa "childish."

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I just don't know what to say about these two. One minute after Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif settled their divorce which apparently included a close to 50/50 custody split the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star rushed her son to the hospital. 

Adrienne claimed her six-year-old son Christian had several broken fingers after being with Paul and she not only took him to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, but she involved LA Child Services to investigate the matter!

According to TMZ, Adrienne told doctors the injuries were sustained when Paul and their son were "playfully kicking each other" and then Paul pushed Christian to the ground causing the injuries. 

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It's been quite a roller coaster ride lately for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Brandi Glanville.  After being rushed to the hospital late last week, the reality star has been recovering at home presumably with her new bestie Lisa Vanderpump by her side.

The scariest part of the ordeal is that doctors still don't know what is wrong with Brandi.  After suffering from chest pains and finding a benign lump under her arm, there is still no diagnosis for the brash mother of two.  While the hospital trip doesn't seem to be slowing Brandi down–she's still going to be on Watch What Happens Live tonight–it still has to be unnerving to have such a health scare.

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