I think we all learned a good lesson on Real Housewives of Miami last night. Thomas Kramer's house is no place for Housewives of any strife, location, or wig-wearing persuasion.
The creepy, weird older guy who hosted the ladies of Atlanta on an unforgettable girls weekend two seasons ago, once again did Housewives no favors by hosting the ladies of Miami for an atrocious dinner party where the lest desirable thing at the table was Thomas himself. Look dude, if you think telling an 80-year-old woman to sit down and shut-up because she's nearing her expiration date is going to get you a reality show, you're mistaken.
Things begin at Lea Black's house withMama Elsa and a case of missing mozzarella. Apparently Mama Elsa wants Lea and Marysol Patton to make up, but Lea has a conflict of interest – or two. One of them is 8 foot tall drag queen in a 40" wide wig named Elaine Lancaster. And the other is that essentially that The Patton Group screwed up The Black Gala two years in a row and there was nary an apology in sight.
Speaking with James he gave me his perspective on the situation with Marysol and how he believes their feud started. Now, bear in mind this is James' perspective.
James calls the show a "wonderful experience that has been very cathartic in a lot of ways." James says his issues with Marysol started a "couple of years ago."
He says their relationship was always casual. "We have a lot of the same acquaintances; people that I socialize with on a regular basis," he says and they often saw each other at social events.
James said he always felt Marysol had a "problem" with him, but he's not sure why. He thinks it has something to do with jealousy over him being a "bright light" and charismatic presence on the Miami social scene.
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Why you ask? She was waiting on the footage as confirmation for what really happened. "Joanna is not just going to take this," a source tells RadarOnline. "She's reached out to one of Florida's most powerful attorneys to better understand her legal options after being punched in the face." Oh, brother…
Marta The source continues, "Not only did Adriana punch her in the face, it took all of Joanna’s strength to hold on to Adriana as she was trying to break free and grab a broom that Krupa believes she was going to hit her with." The broom! That broom! Where did it come from. I guess all witches need a broom.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, things took a turn for the dour. Lets just say there were a lot of tears and too few drunken antics, but sometimes a little Housewives Xanax is needed after all the insanity!
Things begin with Joanna Krupa getting her charity on and thankfully she's not exposing her pubes to raise awareness this time. This time, she's competing in a charity volleyball game. Joanna + bikini = $$. Karent Sierra and Lisa Hochstein are cheering her on – and curiously absent is Romain Zago.
A somber Joanna fills them in on the grim reality post boobnight bitchslap. Although Romain and Joanna are still technically living together they barely speak and he works overtime to avoid her.
Joanna takes to the court and is surprisingly good. For some odd reason I was expecting it to be a gobsmackingly appalling performance. And after the match Romain arrives to show his better late than never version of support. They decide to go have a chat because I mean who doesn't want to have a personal and heartfelt conversation about their relationship in public, at a sporting event?
Gary Brown, the victim, decided to press charges and due to the severity of the act it was promoted from a misdemeanor to a 3rd Degree Felony. Last week Peter, 20, decided to plead "Not Guilty," reports CBSMiami. Peter did not appear in court, but his attorney entered a written plea and the judge set a court date for November 29th.
If convicted Peter could face up to five years in prison.
Moving on, Karent Sierra has had a difficult time adjusting to her co-stars on Real Housewives of Miami. And her sparkly veneers are cutting everyone the wrong way. Speaking to NBCLatino, Karent confesses she just doesn't care what the other ladies think and she had no intention of being BFF with the entire cast!
She also dishes on her TV/fame aspirations and how Rodolfo went from love of her life to yesterday's news as soon as the Bravo cameras stopped rolling.
Oh my God, just shut up about it already! I enjoy a lingerie party as much as the next gal (false!), but I'm so tired of Joanna Krupa talking about getting slapped by Adriana DeMoura. I'd rather poke out my eye with sharp pencil or read through my Facebook news feed the day after the election. It's all equally painful!
The Real Housewives of Miami star had my support after the initial episode aired, but then I watched her on Watch What Happens Live. At that point I lost whatever respect I had for her, and this is even after I saw the picture of her in a see-through shirt. I mean, who are these people?
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami there were dueling psychics, dueling ladies in formal wear, and um… yeah just a lot of straight up unhappiness. If last week's episode was all the debauchery, hedonism, and human sacrifices of Ancient Rome, last night's episode was the aftermath of war.
It's the day of the annual Blacks Gala and everyone is quite positive no one's nipples will hang out, no one will be thrown into pool Dynasty style, and no one will be doing tequila shots or getting slapped in the face. Oh, no instead they'll be milling around in couture gowns and spending $14,000 bidding on an evening at the Playboy Mansion. The only thing Fembot Fakenstein's boobgerie slapfest has in common with the Black Gala is some of the attendees – and that includes Joe "Cameratime" Francis. Doesn't he have some checks to be writing to Steve Wynn? $40 Million of them to be exact.
In preparation for the gala, Lea Black is rushing around clutching a bright pink Birkin as if it's an extra appendage. A third arm that is merely a formality and is crap at the useful things like moving tables and directing quack psychics on how to turn glass into music and peace.