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Real Housewives of Miami

Aaaaahhh… girls trip. Never a more ominous phrase in the reality TV vernacular, right? And last night it was no exception for the Real Housewives of Miami.

Like all girls trips it started off innocently enough; there were the usual shenanigans of missing identification, too much luggage, small plane anxiety, and of course master bedroom mayhem. But the new twist was 'Oops I caught your boyfriend cheating!' 

Yeah, Karent Sierra, her teeth, and her smile were bamboozled, blindsided, and backed into a corner. And for a second – just one, small, teensy-weensy second – her smile faltered, the shine of the veneers started to fade, and the future didn't look so blinding white and perfect. Karent learned an important reality TV lesson last night – don't eff with a Real Housewife because those girls are vicious. More vicious than piranhas and they will eat their own for relevance. Well, some of them. It was the initiation of a new Housewife in full force. 

Let's break this down, shall we. 

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Ana Quincoces has been relatively low-drama on this season of Real Housewives of Miami. The newbie housewife has seemed level-headed and mature with her biggest storyline revolving around her long-awaited divorce and her possible online flirtation with Karent Sierra's boyfriend. 

Speaking to NBCLatina, Ana explains why she decided to join the show and once again sets the record straight on her non-relationship with Rodolfo

“I thought I had a really good story to tell with my divorce situation and teaching how to do divorce the right way, if there’s such a thing,” Ana shares. “So I think that’s why I was willing to tell my story – and people are finding it inspiration to some extent. I’m humbled by that.”

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Apparently houses built by boobs are like way, way more important than historic homes designed by famous architects! Lisa Hochstein and her husband Dr. Lenny Hochstein recently purchased a home on Star Island, and that home is part of Miami's history. 

They couple has plans to completely tear down the home to make way for a new, over-the-top, ode to plastic surgery mansion in its place. There's only one problem… the home the Real Housewives of Miami star purchased was actually designed in 1925 by Walter DeGarmo, a famous Miami architect credited with the Mediterranean Revival-style that helped define the city.

Which means the Hochstein's home is considered something of a historic landmark. 

Local historical preservation activists and city planning boards have taken issue with the Hochstein's plan to destroy a beautiful representation of historic Miami Beach. Residents have since started a petition to bar Lisa and Lenny from destroying the home!

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Last night on Real Housewives of Miami we were exposed to the parental lineage of the Housewives clan. No not just Mama Elsa, but we met Fembot Fakenstein's in-laws and Joanna Krupa's mama. And Adriana de Moura hosted an anniversary party for the parents of the man she's been stringing along for years and will probably never marry until Bravo agrees to shell-out for the wedding and a spinoff. 

Things begin with Lea Black having a birthday party for her eleven-year-old son RJ. They've decided to host the party at the "new house" on Star Island which they are planning to gut renovate so it doesn't matter if the wild boys tear up the joint. And since this is how Housewives roll Lea decides to invite some of her fellow-Housewives, plus Elaine Lancaster, to cause some drama. 

Fembot shows up first, very early, and nervy beans but ready to rip on Lea's not-yet-redone home. Then Alexia Echevarria, Elaine, and Lisa Pliner (who whaddya wanna bet is auditioning for next season's cast). Immediately talk turns to Marysol Patton and the drama at Lisa's party last week. 

Lisa P is still Team Elaine and maintains that Marysol tried to convince her to hire someone else over Elaine, citing it would be free. Elaine/James is highly incensed and everyone bickers back and forth about Marysol's motives. Lisa perceived it as Marysol was attacking her. Alexia defended Marysol as being non-confrontational. It's so rare to see Housewives defend each other. #shocking

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Well that was fast! Approximately 5 minutes after calling off their engagement in the tabloids, Joanna Krupa and Romain Zago are back together! Publicity stunt, anyone?

Joanna told Celebuzz they are “officially back together.” Apparently it was her mom, who appeared on last night's Real Housewives of Miami, that convinced her that Romain is the one!

“I came back from Poland and my mom basically had him fly out to L.A. and had a sit-down with us,” Joanna shared. “She’s really the hero of this whole reconciliation.”

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Well, I guess the house that boobs built will have to be home to another hedonistic, lingerie party loving couple! Lisa Hochstein has just listed her mansion featured in the infamous bitch slap n broom beat-down episode for $10.75 Million dollars. 

The Real Housewives of Miami star recently purchased the home Lea Black wanted on Star Island, an elite celebrity resting ground and apparently they are finally ready to relocate to their next palace of boobs, butt implants, and Botox.

Dang – boob jobs buy a lot of equity – I may have to consider a career change! Dr. Lenny Hochstein, lover of bright colored man-blouses, built chateau, self-titled "Palacio del Eden," in 2007 and shortly after moved Fembot in to be his living recreation of his life's work. 

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You can't not love Mama Elsa.  Or maybe you can.  I will say she's given me several moments of pause this season.  I like to think that the celebrity has just gone to her head, and who can blame her for that?

I will say that Real Housewives of Miami has come back in a way no one anticipated.  Sure, the series started out as an awkward cooking show that morphed into a housewives favorite, but I'm still shocked.  I just can't believe that these women have become such a popular reality staple.  Yes, I love them, but I'm also really proud.  I feel they've come a long way.  Mama Elsa totally forged this franchise. 

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Uh oh.  Poor Real Housewives of Miami newbie.  I love the totally plastic Lisa Hochstein, but she's going to have Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen after her screaming trademark infringement….mainly because they have nothing better to do and desperately need to remain relevant.  I kid, I kid.  If anything, Lisa is boosting Silex's t-shirt sales.  The uber-enhanced housewife is sharing her insight on the most recent episode of RHOM, and I have to say, it's both spot on and hilarious.  It's why I adore Lisa–at first glance, you expect nothing under those injections but a ditzy airhead, but she's actually extremely down-to-earth and objective (except when she's bathing her dogs, of course).

Taking to her Bravo blog, Lisa dishes on the fashion show drama that had Marysol Patton literally running away from the teetering and towering drag queen Elaine Lancaster.  Stealing the words right out of Silex's mouth, Lisa writes, “It was the wrong time, wrong place, wrong attitude. She looked like a thug in a cocktail dress," adding, “I understand Elaine was angry, but the pointing, tone of voice and chasing made the guests uncomfortable. Although Elaine is dressed as a woman, she/he is still a man.”

Yes she he is…and a hot mess at that! 

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

 

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