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Real Housewives of Miami

It would appear that Bimini isn't a place of relaxation or fun if you happen to be a member of the Real Housewives of Miami. Nope, instead it happens to be a place of arguments, backstabbing, and bitchery. Really, though a Housewife is capable of turning even a spa that has Valium-laced water into a place of chaos and crazy. 

Things began last night with Karent Sierra and her smile of denial continuing to see the RED RUM writing on the wall as a reminder to make mixed drinks. In short, Karent refuses to deal with reality. The next morning after learning that Rodolfo may or may not be dating a 24-year-old hottie she decides to just pretend all that yucky mess doesn't exist. I hope she's better at tackling dental problems than she is at dealing with real life. 

While Joanna Krupa and Lisa Hochstein would prefer to focus on their breakfast and making sure their hair and make-up look appropriately tussled and natural, yet perfect; Lea Black can take no more. She comes right out and asks Karent why she didn't defend her relationship to the other ladies after they accused her of faking it for the cameras. Karent just keeps that daft smile on her face. 

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On last week's episode of Real Housewives of Miami things got very, very real. Karent Sierra and her ever showing teeth was plopped down on a luxury sofa and basically called out for her boyfriend Rodolfo being a skanky, cheating, bastard!

Karent denied knowing about Rodolfo's antics and believes the ladies, led by Alexia Echevarria, planned to ambush her on camera to embarrass her! 

"Seeing Alexia tell Lea [Black] to come back to the house because she wanted to speak to her about something brought chills to my spine, because I couldn't believe the smile on her face," Karent writes in her Bravo blog. 

"We had decided to meet at a certain time for dinner and Lisa [Hochstein], Joanna [Krupa], and I ended up waiting for over an hour and a half for everyone else to arrive. After seeing the episode, I see now that the delay was all because of the scheming of how to perfectly ruin my night," Karent believes.

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Yes, you read that right! The nanny-challenged terminally boring to the point of a coma former Real Housewives of Miami star Larsa Pippen is going out on her own. 

Larsa was fired after one season of RHOM because viewers found her dull and couldn't relate to her storyline which consisted of complaining about all aspects of her fabulous life and degrading "the help." Meanwhile in the off-season Larsa's former NBA star husband Scottie Pippen maybe filed for bankruptcy because he might be broke.  

Currently Larsa spends most of her days parading around with Kim Kardashian for exposure on Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, but now she's nobody's latch-key famewhore because she just scored her own show. Who do they think is going to watch that?

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Aaaaahhh… girls trip. Never a more ominous phrase in the reality TV vernacular, right? And last night it was no exception for the Real Housewives of Miami.

Like all girls trips it started off innocently enough; there were the usual shenanigans of missing identification, too much luggage, small plane anxiety, and of course master bedroom mayhem. But the new twist was 'Oops I caught your boyfriend cheating!' 

Yeah, Karent Sierra, her teeth, and her smile were bamboozled, blindsided, and backed into a corner. And for a second – just one, small, teensy-weensy second – her smile faltered, the shine of the veneers started to fade, and the future didn't look so blinding white and perfect. Karent learned an important reality TV lesson last night – don't eff with a Real Housewife because those girls are vicious. More vicious than piranhas and they will eat their own for relevance. Well, some of them. It was the initiation of a new Housewife in full force. 

Let's break this down, shall we. 

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Ana Quincoces has been relatively low-drama on this season of Real Housewives of Miami. The newbie housewife has seemed level-headed and mature with her biggest storyline revolving around her long-awaited divorce and her possible online flirtation with Karent Sierra's boyfriend. 

Speaking to NBCLatina, Ana explains why she decided to join the show and once again sets the record straight on her non-relationship with Rodolfo

“I thought I had a really good story to tell with my divorce situation and teaching how to do divorce the right way, if there’s such a thing,” Ana shares. “So I think that’s why I was willing to tell my story – and people are finding it inspiration to some extent. I’m humbled by that.”

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Apparently houses built by boobs are like way, way more important than historic homes designed by famous architects! Lisa Hochstein and her husband Dr. Lenny Hochstein recently purchased a home on Star Island, and that home is part of Miami's history. 

They couple has plans to completely tear down the home to make way for a new, over-the-top, ode to plastic surgery mansion in its place. There's only one problem… the home the Real Housewives of Miami star purchased was actually designed in 1925 by Walter DeGarmo, a famous Miami architect credited with the Mediterranean Revival-style that helped define the city.

Which means the Hochstein's home is considered something of a historic landmark. 

Local historical preservation activists and city planning boards have taken issue with the Hochstein's plan to destroy a beautiful representation of historic Miami Beach. Residents have since started a petition to bar Lisa and Lenny from destroying the home!

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Last night on Real Housewives of Miami we were exposed to the parental lineage of the Housewives clan. No not just Mama Elsa, but we met Fembot Fakenstein's in-laws and Joanna Krupa's mama. And Adriana de Moura hosted an anniversary party for the parents of the man she's been stringing along for years and will probably never marry until Bravo agrees to shell-out for the wedding and a spinoff. 

Things begin with Lea Black having a birthday party for her eleven-year-old son RJ. They've decided to host the party at the "new house" on Star Island which they are planning to gut renovate so it doesn't matter if the wild boys tear up the joint. And since this is how Housewives roll Lea decides to invite some of her fellow-Housewives, plus Elaine Lancaster, to cause some drama. 

Fembot shows up first, very early, and nervy beans but ready to rip on Lea's not-yet-redone home. Then Alexia Echevarria, Elaine, and Lisa Pliner (who whaddya wanna bet is auditioning for next season's cast). Immediately talk turns to Marysol Patton and the drama at Lisa's party last week. 

Lisa P is still Team Elaine and maintains that Marysol tried to convince her to hire someone else over Elaine, citing it would be free. Elaine/James is highly incensed and everyone bickers back and forth about Marysol's motives. Lisa perceived it as Marysol was attacking her. Alexia defended Marysol as being non-confrontational. It's so rare to see Housewives defend each other. #shocking

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Well that was fast! Approximately 5 minutes after calling off their engagement in the tabloids, Joanna Krupa and Romain Zago are back together! Publicity stunt, anyone?

Joanna told Celebuzz they are “officially back together.” Apparently it was her mom, who appeared on last night's Real Housewives of Miami, that convinced her that Romain is the one!

“I came back from Poland and my mom basically had him fly out to L.A. and had a sit-down with us,” Joanna shared. “She’s really the hero of this whole reconciliation.”

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