Last night on Real Housewives of Miami, the battle lines were drawn as the women divided into three groups: The Nasty Nicies, The Above The Dramas, and The Something To Proves. I'll let you do the sorting over who goes where since it doesn't require very much brain power.
Things begin with a heart-to-heart on the beach between Romain Zago and Joanna Krupa. Could it get anymore romance movie than that? Two attractive people, strolling side-by-side, the tension is palpable, Romain is concerned: is Joanna drinking too much? She's embarrassed them both and he has no idea what's wrong with her! Joanna is mildly defensive, but mostly empathetic. Oh – and she so doesn't have a drinking problem!
Then Adriana de Moura comes on to the scene. Romain decides this is the perfect moment to tell Joanna that Adriana was throwing herself at him. Joanna is aghast. How unclassy. And she would know; she's read Class With The Countess cover to cover at least five times. Joanna sniffs that Romain can have Adriana – plenty of other men will take her. Romain is like 'Oh yeah? I mean you used to be an escort, oh, I mean allegedly! And you're out-of-control when you're drunk. And you've got Marta always around. Me on the other hand… "catch" is my middle name.'
We didn't report on this sooner, because well, TheDirty makes us feel dirty. Ewww… However, the other day the website famous for outing people's dirty laundry – whether true or not – reported that Real Housewives of Miami star and supermodelJoanna Krupa was a former high-priced escort before her modeling career took off.
The post claimed to have proof that Joanna was a high class prostitute of the Elliot Spitzer variety who would bang zee menfolk for a pricey $10,000 a romp. Then of course Maxim Magazine discovered her existence and poof – no more prostitution whore!
What happens when you take a show centered around a cooking club in Miami and splice and edit it into a housewives show? You get a boring season with a confusing dinner party in each episode. However, what happens when you revamp that season, let the ladies know to bring the drama, and replace some Basketball Wives with a supermodel and some successful surgically enhanced professionals? Amazingness…that's what. The only constant is Mama Elsa.
Real Housewives of Miami has certainly found its footing as a legitimate member of the Bravo franchise. These women (and their ginormous boobs!) certainly know how to bring the drama. Case in point? Joanna Krupa had a meltdown of epic proportions on the most recent episode, ruining the 10th anniversary party for her fiance's nightclub…all thanks to a cheating DJ. Now that's what I'm talking about, ladies!
It seems that almost everyday there's a little buzz about which city will be hosting the next round of Bravo insanity with its own set of overly catty, surgically enhanced, and Botoxed to the hilt drama queens…marriage license preferred but certainly not required.
While the Bravo cash cow has women fighting each other in franchises all over the country, one rumor has been consistent for a while. Could Bravo be heading to the homeland of Eden and Cruz (yeah, I went there!) to film the next installment? With the original Real Housewives of Orange County still bringing in the ratings andReal Housewives of Beverly Hills still bringing the most-talked about dramatics, wouldn't it make sense to go back to Cali for the next batch of crazy?
Things got crazy last night, yes they did. Somebody likes her drinky a little too much – and doesn't like her fiancé enough. So – before all that blown out of proportion melt-down that I thought was going to be like uber crazy, but wasn't really, happened – everyone talked about how much the like their maids, how much they don't like each other, and about how Lea Black's friend is blaming Marysol Patton for ruining her life.
Things begin with Joanna and fiancé Romain 'just waking up' and Joanna is sporting a full face of make-up, plus false eyelashes and some revealing lingerie. Yeah, I totally look like that when I wake up too. Sadly, Romain is more interested in his blackberry than sexytimes in front of the cameras. What no sex tape aspirations?
Feeling defeated, Joanna heads into the bathroom to yell at her sister Marta who reveals she's moving in with Fembot Fakenstein for a while because Romain hates her and she hates him too. I just can't get that worked up about anything before coffee, but clearly I don't have the Krupa temper – or penchant for over-reacting!
While drama is nothing new for the couple that seems to have tempestuous relationship, according to a new report by the National Enquirer, of all places, a lot of the couples' tension comes from filming a reality show! Sources say Joanna – and particularly Romain – felt "blindsided" by the chaos and drama of being involved in the show which centers around not just their personal lives, but the personal lives of seven other women!
“Romain was expecting the show to be scripted and thought they’d have much more control over some of the topics that were caught on tape,” a source close to the couple dishes, explaining that Romain wasn't prepared to have very personal moments – or information – unveiled on camera!
I don't know about y'all but I am totally loving Real Housewives of Miami thus far. I don't know why; it's got a fun vibe, a rich vibe, and a kooky one. So that means next season someone will be a suicidal drug addict who escapes from Promises welding a stiletto as a weapon and is on a homicidal rampage after plastic surgery made her a cyclops and her AMEX Black Card was cut up at the Saks White Sale because her husband declared bankruptcy after it came out that he was selling aftermarket implants. Anyone that gets the Troop Beverly Hills nod in this sentence wins my eternal love.
Anyway, enough about my super secret gift as a medium (watch it Alison DuBois – I'm comin' for you electronic cig blazing!), let's talk shop and get to the recap.
Things begin with gossip before breakfast – or maybe it was lunch – I couldn't tell. Alexia Echevarria comes over to Ana Quincoces' house to discuss the delusions of Karent Sierra. See Karent isn't just clueless about how to spell "Karen," she's also clueless about boyfriend Rodolpho's definition of the word "boyfriend."
Alexia does not like Karent right off the bat, she thinks she is icy and aloof. I agree. Something about her just doesn't translate well. Ana just seems to think it's odd that Karent is completely in the dark about Rodolpho's texting habits.
In a sit-down with Hollywood Life, Alexia Echevarria confesses that Karent just irked her from the very first moment. Yikes! “I think the one that is [crawling under my skin] is Karent,” Alexia shares.
“You’ve haven’t had the pleasure to meet her but I’m sure she’ll do the same thing to you. In episode one, you don’t really see it, but I knew her from before. She gave me a very cold greeting so I took it very personally. This was my first time out in six months and I saw her with her smile … and it did bother me because she did know me,” Alexia adds.
Other ladies have dished that Karent causes a lot of drama this season – and apparently she's also invading the non-reality world with her chaos. Remember how Lindsay Lohan ran someone over in NYC on Wednesday night? If you watched Anderson Live while were live-blogging the show yesterday, you got to hear an indepth discussion about from TMZ's Harvey Levin.