Things begin with a frazzled Lisa Hochstein fanning herself and clutching her pearls because Joanna Krupa's rabid makeup artist called her a bad, bad, BAD name which a lady shall not repeat. My stars!
The worst infraction was that Joanna was laughing – laughing! – as Lisa was maliciously attacked. I personally think the worst thing was Joanna's Miss Innocent act as if she had no clue in this world what Lisa was referring to and that she would never, ever, EVER participate in such a thing! Anyway, this crazed crotchety makeup man called Lisa a "whore" and also untalented and broke. So there's that.
In retaliation Lisa practically leaps off the sofa; her boobs threatened to spill out from the top of her dress as they trembled and clung for dear life. She's pointing and shrieking that Joanna is "Fake! FAKE, FAKE, Fake, Fake, FAKE!"
While it is sad to lose a friend, Lisa says Joanna is no friend – and never was one! "In between the wedding and the reunion, I was able to see full episodes of the show and read Joanna’s interviews in the press. It became very clear to me she was no friend of mine," Lisa explains to WetPaint.
"You know, it’s funny. In the weeks prior to the reunion, she had started really reaching out to me again," Lisa remarks. "Looking back, I think she was just trying to play me and disarm me."
Season eight of Keeping Up with the Kardashians premiered to over three million way back in June. Yes, June. Five months later, the season finale drew an audience of 2.33 million, making the season average 2.428 million viewers.
Adriana claims Brandi Glanville gave her the scoop. Something Brandi confirmed on WWHL later that night. She also confirmed that Mo and Jo definitely cheated. Which of course caused a twitter storm of denial and outrage! Mo admits that he did cheat on Yo, but not with Jo. And Jo denies ever sleeping with Mo at all (yeah right!). Both called Brandi-wine a liar.
"Had nothing to do with our split.Stop this rumors. Friends for 10 years.U got to stop.yolanda never ever found us sleeping together," Mohamed tweeted, explaining that he didn't meet Jo until after his divorce from Yo.
Of course in the cold light of day and away from the fog of alcohol, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star seems to be regretting her all too candid admittance on someone else's behalf.
As Andy Cohen exclaimed in an excited frenzy last night, "I love evidence!" So, too, do we. Which means the ladies of Real Housewives of Miami came packing with the accusations, the evidence, the wild slanderous statements, and one of the dirtiest reunion shows I've seen since Thou Show That Should Not Be Named But Has An Indicted Star And Lots Of Family Feuding. Don't want to wake the dead with that mention!
Anyway, back to the show of present. RHOM was vicious last night. Just the way we like it – crazy makeup, crazy hair, crazy girls, and tons of sequins flying out of their seats and and trying to deflect the even wilder accusations.
Everything starts out kinda OK, but then Joanna Krupa sort of slams Adriana de Moura's wedding and mentions several times that it was beautiful except for the lateness, inconvenience, lies, total disrespect for the guests, idiotic costume change, bitchy atrocious bride, and the whole no food or drink for hours thing. But the gown was gorgeous! You know all that stuff, but at least Adriana didn't look like a flamenco dancer and at least Adriana's husband wants to sleep with her so ziiing!
Here's a Monday afternoon gift for you – Joanna Krupa bikini photos. Actually, Joanna Krupa in a bikini..doing handstands! Double bonus. You know your week is now complete.
The Real Housewives of Miami star let it all hang out this weekend as she hung out near the pool with her friend and husband Romain Zago. Joanna frolicked around the yard in pink bikini, chasing her dog and then doing handstands against the glass door. She did take a quick dip in the pool, but looking at the full set of photos earlier, I don't think she actually got wet… She spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out and looking gorgeous on her lounge chair.
The reality TV viewer numbers for Sunday and Monday are in – and the Real Housewives of Atlanta are back with a bang! The season six premiere pulled in 3.108 million viewers. No doubt RHOA will remain Bravo's number one show.