Good lord last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was a rare and special breed of ridiculous, wasn't it? So the Gorgadice families went on some silly retreat to put their problems behind them and rebuild. Except it was more passive aggressive blaming and whining from everyone! Yay for something new and exciting.
Things begin over at Casa de Gorga, amid the crumbling faux marble and the collapsing gold-plate archways they are preparing for the big retreat. Melissa Gorga and Poison are doing their vacation dance ritual and getting into the groove by busting some J. Faux moves and encouraging their kids to dance. "Stripper in the house," Poison bellows as his three-year-old twerks, while daddy erratically humps and grinds the air. Yeah! Shake your moneymaker kids. Great parenting…
Antonia helps mommy pack and decides among the must haves are a bible and a stuffed unicorn. Makes sense, unicorns because it would be an absolutely fairy tale to imagine these families getting along. And a bible because you never know who may need an exorcism on a RHONJ trip. All signs point to Teresa!
Alright Real Housewives of New Jersey lovers, tonight the shizz is about to go. down. And I really mean it cause it would appear that the Joew on Joew action gets ruthless. Oh Bravo – keeping it classy as always!
Before we get to all that hot messitude, Caroline Manzo is here to answer fans' burning questions. Burning like gonorrhea? In a new interview Caroline says that fan questions is what led to her writing a book and she tried to address their inquiries in the self-help/tell-all Let Me Tell You Something…
We're still talking 'bout Caroline's book? Isn't that old news at this point and being eclipsed by Kathy's upcoming cookbook?
The latest lady to release a book is Kathy Wakile! Wallpaper just announced that her dessert cookbook INDULGE: Delicious Little Desserts —75 Recipes that Keep Life Real Sweet (from St. Martin's Press) will feature a slew of “user-friendly” recipes for the whole family.
So apparently Kim DePaola has found herself in the middle of a drama vortex again. If she ever puts out a song (DO NOT GET ANY IDEAS, KIM!) she should totally call it "Drama Vortex" cause she lives in one!
Kimaccused Jennifer of making "terroristic threats" against her. Well, of course, Jennifer of the alleged terroristic threats wasn't going to ignore that so she fired back with some terrorisitic-ist threats (aka lawsuit) on twitter. Which of course prompted Kim to explode.
Unfortunately for Bravo, no one much cared about Melissa's ex-bridesmaid's vendetta or Teresa Giudice's tacit agreement that maybe, possibly, perhaps Melissa never left the Lookers lifestyle cheated! Ratings remained steady from last week, bringing in 2.1 million viewers again. I predict a whole lot more of you will be tuning in to see the big Joew vs Joew brawl; aka Poison Vs. Jr. Mafia Joew: Riot At The Retreat.
Melissa Gorga was out on the town last night with her little Poisonito, Joe for a movie premiere for The Grown Ups 2. Those lucky ducks! The Real Housewives of New Jersey star took the time to address the cheating allegations lobbed at her on Sunday's episode.
Melissa dismisses the rumors as "disgusting" and levels equal disgust at Teresa Giudice for not defending her when the topic came up. After all if Teresa was really sincere about retreating to a castle to make her family a fairy tale she should have at least told Jan to shut it when she accused Melissa of stepping out on The Joew 2.0.
"I've never cheated on Joe," Melissainforms Us Weekly. "This is all disappointing." Melissa's ex-friend (and former bridesmaid) Jan claimed that Melissa was caught giving her ex-boyfriend Bryan "bl*wj*bs, among other things.
On last week's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, Jacqueline gave us more ammunition for thinking she made need sedatives when she freaked out on Teresa Giudice in a boutique and then announced that she thinks Teresa needs an intervention. Um… transference, much?
In her Bravo blogJacqueline laughs off her insanity. Am I the only one who's concerned? But she also talks about how she was feeling at the time and makes some valid points about Teresa's behaviors and motivations. Is the therapy paying off, Jacqs?
On Teresa's Family Issues & The Retreat:
"It just seemed odd to me that, miraculously, Teresa wanted to make an effort to resolve everything with her family, after I had been trying to make that happen for two years prior! Why now? I wasn't buying into the sincerity of it all," Jacqueline begins.
Those of you dying to see the possibility of Joe Giudice in handcuffs will have to wait AGAIN!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey star was supposed to begin his trial related to a false identity and fraud case this month, but his trial has been delayed for the umpteenth time and is now scheduled to start in October.
According to NJ.com, Joe's attorney is busy with a homicide case and has no time for Juicy apparently! That's a lucky break! Joe faces up to 10 years in prison related to obtaining a fraudulent license, which was reportedly captured on camera according to the latest development.