Ok blk…. we’ve been hearing about your fulvic acid and alkaline goodness for two seasons on Real Housewives of New Jersey. I always thought alkaline was the thing that made batteries go, and to my knowledge batteries are toxic. Well, I decided to take one for the team and test out this blk. Below is my review haiku.
So in 5-7-5 pentameter without further ado, I present: blk., A Review Haiku:
Last night on the Real Infomercials of New Jersey the Bravo Home Shopping Network was in full-swing. I see everyone can behave when they’ve got stuff to sell! We’re not stupid, Bravo, we know this was a filler episode designed to get some swag promotion before you hit us with the heavy drama next week. Too bad most of us were too bored to pay attention.
Now there were some positives to this episode. The Gorgas and the Giudices got along and Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga, dare I say it, seemed to be enjoying each other’s company and bonding! I like them getting along and I think it makes better TV. It really is time for both parties to let this feud die; it’s boring, redundant, and both sides are equally at fault.
Other positives, both Melissa and Gia had amazing performances at Beatstock. I know Melissa was lip syncing, but isn’t that standard? I mean doesn’t Britney Spears lip sync at a live performance?
Could it be that the illustrious soon-to-be jailbird, Joe Giudice has vacated the marble and gilded encrusted manse the Giudice’s refer to as home? According to Teresa Giudice‘s former best friend Jacqueline Laurita – Joe and Teresa may be living separate lives! Maybe they’re practicing for his trip to the even bigger house?
In a new Bravo video, the Real Housewives of New Jersey star takes the liberty to spill some juicy (see what I did there?) secrets about the not so fabulicious Juicy marriage. Apparently despite Teresa‘s proclamations of true and everlasting love – and a rigorous sex life; things are anything but.
“There has been a lot of rumors out there about Joe and Teresa both leading separate lives,” Jacqueline shared. “In public they pretend like nothing is wrong, but…” Alrighty, so Jacs and Tre are really going for the jugular aren’t they? Can’t they just have a cocktail and hate on Danielle Staub some more?
Everyone get out your violins! Real Housewives of New Jersey’sTeresa Giudice is once again talking about how wronged she’s been…while not directly answering questions and bragging about being famous. Oh, except she’s humble too. Very humble…with white teeth, because, you know, she and Juicy are getting into the teeth whitening business…which is why he isn’t going to court, as he has to attend a seminar on teeth whitening. You know, judges are usually pretty lenient on letting you pick when you do and don’t come to court. My head is spinning already! Read on to see Teresa’s stellar pity party interview with the Daily Beast. She hasn’t done anything wrong, y’all. Nothing!
A source told us Melissa never has lavish birthday parties for her kids – and never has any for the boys. Our source also shared that her in-laws weren’t invited to the party. Well, Melissa got out all her scrapbooks to prove our source wrong.
I feel kinda honored. I’m impressed Melissa reads Reality Tea. Thanks, Melis! I mean it.
Tonight, dear readers, you're in for a treat – it's the motherload of Real Housewives of New Jersey posts! We've got it all, but most of all we've got salacious and gory EXCLUSIVES about whose living a lie on national TV. That would be all of them. Oh, we've also got more Caroline Manzo acting like a bulldog. It wouldn't be RHONJ without that!
First up, last week Melissa Gorga hosted a beautiful birthday party for her daughter Antonia. We all saw Melissa getting beautified for a six-year-old's birthday party and then strapping on her best hoochie heels. Melissa admitted that her daughter's parties are always a "lavish" affair.
Are they lavish enough for Kennedy Caroline Armstrong? Likely not. Watching from home, you know Kennedy was thinking "That bitch can't touch me. I had a mother effing horse."
Anyway, our source tells us EXCLUSIVELY that Melissa only throws parties for her daughter and that her Joe Gorga's parents weren't even invited to the party! Is that because it wasn't anywhere near Antonia's real birthday?
"Antonia's party was just for the cameras," our source shares. "Melissa never throws her kids big parties. Her boys have never even had a birthday party. The baby had no 1st birthday and no 2nd birthday party! Not even cake at the house," our source assures us.
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE REST OF OUR EXCLUSIVE!
Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey everyone mostly got along and for a second there I thought I was watching the wrong show until Caroline Manzo popped up to insult her children on national TV. Oh Caroline, cut the cord. And Manzo Spawn – run.
It’s the day of Antonia Gorga‘s sixth birthday party and what’s a mama to do but get her make-up and hair professionally done for a backyard party filled with kindergartners. Do stilettos go with a bouncy castle? Didn’t think so!
While Melissa Gorga is in the make-up chair, Antonia is hard at work assembling gift bags. Who’s the birthday girl again? Melissa is gushing about Antonia’s lavish party – JoeyGorga tells her she’s too expensive. Don’t try to compete with Taylor Armstrong, Melissa. The lip injections are already taking it too far.
Melissa asks Poison about the visit to the therapist. Joey proceeds to tell us that Teresa Giudice must have lied to the doctor about how they had Sunday dinners together and then Teresa tells us the doctor didn’t like them. Then they both blame each other for all the problems in the relationship while claiming they are all about peace, love, and forgiveness. Why do they both do this? It’s ridiculous!
The tempestuous battle between Teresa Giudice andJacqueline Laurita is raging on and on with the ladies using their Bravo blogs as burn books. Two weeks ago, following an episode where the two had an explosive argument, The Real Housewives of New Jersey star lambasted Teresa for speaking out about her ex-husband Matt Holmes‘ legal issues.
“Right after Teresa and I started fighting, the story about my ex-husband suspiciously leaked all over the press. It was an unfortunate situation because, in the end, after my ex passed a few lie detector tests, the FBI dropped the investigation against him. What had originally led to his arrest had been lies started by a fired, disgruntled ex-employee/nanny of his who they found out has a history of being corrupt, including having lived under nine different aliases.”
“My ex-husband, Matt Holmes, and his wife, Jody, are INNOCENT! Teresa knew the deal (contrary to how she made it sound), yet when the heat was on her, she conveniently tried to put the heat on someone else. Deflection and projection are her specialty. This is what she does. She has a history of blaming others for the exact thing that SHE is guilty of doing.”