Last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was about reinventing the old and making it new again. Make new frienemies, but keep the old… one is faux marble and the other is faux leopard!
Teresa Giudice and Jacqueline Laurita made up and by that I mean they vowed not to appear at anymore reunions wearing dresses where the sequins turned into poison darts and and scream cheating accusations at each other's husbands. So by making amends they decided to keep each other's secrets…
Oh and Jacqueline shed her old stripper skin in favor of some new skin that didn't have washed up tacky tattoos on it. When did getting plastic surgery become a requisite Housewives storyline?
Things begin with Teresa and Jacqueline continuing with their "tawk". Jacqueline is clearly flustered because she forgot her translucent powder and her blotting papers. Girl was shiny as a gold lame and her hair was all mussed. Maybe she and Teresa had some sort of knock-down, drag-out, rolling on the table brawl and the footage was accidentally damaged when some Fabellini got tossed on it and that's why we didn't see it? That would explain Jacq's shininess…
Melissa Gorga hasn't commented onTeresa Giudice's indictment situation, but tonight on WWHL she declared that she's got Teresa's back and that the kids are the #1 priority. Melissa also claimed that no one believes the cheating allegations Jan is accusing her of next week, so she doesn't want to give it attention.
Melissa on the Real Housewives of New Jersey family retreat: "It was so stressful. we went from rock bottom to hugging it out to drinking. I was so relieved that it was better. I feel like we are better together and I fee like everyone likes to see us together anyway. It's just more fun. It's better, it's easy. We have a lot in common, as much as we don't have in common, we have stuff in common as well. We just have a good time together."
With the Gorgadice families on the mend, the Gorgas and the Giudices strive to spend quality time together by taking a bus trip. HA! Unfortunately little pitchers have big ears and even less filters!
In other news, Teresa and Jacqueline Laurita continue to struggle with their relationship as Teresa confronts Jacqueline. Teresa also hosts a charity event. And finally, some of Jacqueline's decisions raise some eyebrows with Chris!
Teresa Giudice is in a hailstorm of trouble. If she thought strippergate was something to get worked up over, she hasn't seen anything like going to trial against the federal government. No amount of body glitter can save a girl now! #OrangeIsTheNewLeopard.
While I fully intend Kim D, Teresa's eternally supportive BIFFL, to make her some Posche-appropriate prison garb and stage a Big House fashion show, Teresa is still hedging bets that she'll avoid jail time.
Right now Teresa and Joe Giudice are developing a legal strategy that seems to focus on Juicy serving jail time while the Real Housewives of New Jersey star plays the innocent, doting wife who was a victim of his schemes.
So in case you haven't heard, Joe Giudice was charged with like 3 zillion money fraud related indictments. Which is about how much money he also owes because of bankruptcy debts related to falsifying income. And when he's done there he owes the IRS big too. Long story short, homeboy is in biiig trouble!
Among the revelations that emerged about the Real Housewives of New Jersey star during the court proceedings was that, despite being married to Teresa Giudice for like 15 years, Joe never bothered to become a U.S. citizen. Which means he's still an Italian citizen, since he was born there. And since he's not a U.S. citizen, as a felon or a convicted offender he could be deported!
We've been wondering how likely it was that ol' Juicy could be shipped off to Italy and lucky us, we got the opportunity to speak to an immigration attorney who gave us some insight into how cases such as these generally work.
Disclaimer: This attorney does not represent Teresa or Joe and is in no way connected personally or professionally to their case or to Reality Tea. This attorney just so happens to be a RHONJ fan like the rest of us!
The dramedy Tainted Dreams, which we reported on back in January, has finally come to fruition, with Dina filming her first scenes yesterday in New Jersey. The show explores a different concept–it's a fictional reality show about the behind-the-scenes drama of a soap opera starring a mix of reality and soap stars. However, everyone is playing a part. I'm getting confused just trying to type it!
In the video, Teresa pulls out the speech she wrote (Or did she? I know y'all love to run with the idea Tre doesn't write her own blogs! Me, I'm neutral…just trying for a little joke!), and gives her thanks to a woman she's clearly never met–awkward! Teresa flips through her many note cards and reveals that daughter Milania shares that the product "smells like poop" on an upcoming episode after she learns that no children are invited to the line's launch party. The always hilarious Milania even tells her mother she needs to change the name of the collection if she can't attend! Out of the mouths of babes!
And hey, if you already have hair products you can't part with, you could get some Milania products to use as hand cream. No, I'm not kidding. Watch after the jump!