Real Housewives of New Jersey

Amber Marchese, Jim Marchese

Look to your left, Jim Marchese is annoyed because Real Housewives of New Jersey is on hold, which means Amber Marchese can’t fulfill her dream of being a reality TV star, until Teresa Giudice is released from prison. Look to your right, holier than thou Jim insisted up and down Twitter that neither he nor Amber wants anything to do with Real Housewives of New Jersey again.

Jim’s panties have been in a bunch since, well, since the day we met him. But, in relation to this story, since Teresa Checks In aired. One of his many issues is that RHONJ season 7 is on hold. “It is BS that the entire cast, especially my wife, had their filming put on hold because Tre and Joe committed several felonies and [Teresa is] sitting in jail,” said the man who recently tweeted, “We are not coming back, do not need money or want fame.” So, he cares, why?!

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Lauren Manzo & Vito Scalia get married

What has more tears than a baby nursery? The wedding of Lauren Manzo! Let’s hope Caroline Manzo figured out a way to turn tears into wine! 

After the traumatizing Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion, it was nice to see a little love on Manzo’d With Children by watching Lauren and Vito Scalia tie the knot in front of 400 of their closet friends. 

While Lauren has resolved to legally (and religiously) yoke herself to one Vicotta, of the saltiest and savoriest salamis, Albie Manzo remains adrift in the wind, spraying his pot fertilizer up at the sun and watching it disappear. Albie went from being the prodigal son, to being mommy’s biggest flop – even Lauren mocks him for failing out of law school. It was all that pot prosciutto! 

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Manzos and Scalias In Italy

Last night on Manzo’d With Children times were a’changin’ as Vito Scalia and Lauren Manzo told their parents it was time for them to claim some independence. Naturally that was just token gesture, and absolutely nothing will change. 

The Manzo-Scalia bunch is still in Italy. For their final night in the paradise of Caroline Manzo‘s 1/16th dreams they are amid the splendors of a villa that is both a working farm and a restaurant. Alas it will be a nightmare for Vito Sr. and Denise when their blessed miracle Vicotta tells them the worst news they could imagine: he doesn’t want children he’s planning to open his own deli in Manhattan. 

I’ll get to that in a second. 

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It seems like we blinked, and just like that, the finale of the Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In is here. We laughed, we cried. In a brief moral crisis, we wondered why we were laughing and crying (maybe that was just me?). But it all comes to a close now, as Teresa Giudice checks in for the last time on national TV before she is released in December from Danbury Correctional Facility.

Since Teresa has been locked up, Joe Guidice has been running the household. Which means he has been spending 100% of his time trying to control Tropical Storm Milania. After fixing a clogged sink for cutie-patootie Audriana, Joe heads outside where Milania is feeding rocks to the pond fish (because she spilled all of their food on the ground). Gabriella is attempting to discipline Milania, but she gives up quickly, knowing it’s a futile battle. Joe Gorga comments that he has to hand it to Juicy for taking care of these 4 little girls because “they’re not just normal girls; they’re tough!”   

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Melissa Gorga

Melissa Gorga is a busy woman – wife, mother, reality TV star, author, jewelry designer, pop star… is there anything she can’t do? I mean, besides get her own show, write a book that isn’t vomit inducing, wear the jewelry she sells, and sing on key. But hey… when all else fails, open a clothing boutique!

Yes, it is true. The Real Housewives of New Jersey star revealed yesterday that she is opening a clothing boutique in New Jersey. Melissa, who launched her own jewelry line last year, said, “Moving into apparel was a natural next step for me. Fashion and styling is something that I have always enjoyed.”

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Lauren & Vito mock wedding in Italy

Last night on Manzo’d With Children the gang continued to whine and tantrum though Italy, because growing up is so hard to do! The issues were fear of disappointing parents, fear of success, and naturally failure to launch a grandchild!  

In the case of Lauren Manzo as her wedding approaches so too does the nagging about when she will be carrying on the illustrious Manz0-Scalia lineage and fulfilling her role and Caroline and Denise’s grandchild vessel. Caroline and Denise, henceforth, “Team Grandma” are on a two-pronged mission to get Lauren pregnant even if they have to tie her up in an Italian receiving blanket and inject Vito’s sperm into her with a meat tenderizer. Yes – it’s that drastic. 

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Here we are on week two of Bravo’s 3-part series, Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In, and I’m feeling even more conflicted about this grand experiment of a mini series than I ever thought possible! We’re back this week with the Giudice family as they visit their Jersey Shore home for the last time (it’s gone into auction since filming). Joe Giudice also hears disturbing news from Danbury Correctional Facility, where Teresa Giudice has been “shaken down” on suspicions of harboring a cell phone – due to Gia’s tweeting on her behalf

It’s July 1: five months before Teresa’s expected release and eight months before Joe begins his sentence. Joe is fixing Milania’s hair while he reflects on becoming “Mr. Mom.” Meanwhile, Melissa Gorga shows up to take Gia, Gabriella, Milania, and Audriana to get pedicures with her daughter, Antonia. Melissa says she’s reached out to Teresa in prison, but she hasn’t heard back because “Teresa’s email chain is full.” <side eye> Melissa is still praying for her, though because she knows which side her Bravo bread is buttered on. Antonia and Milania, who have always shared a special bond, hold hands the entire way to the salon. #tendermoment 

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Teresa Giudice Meet & Greet at Philadelphia Wedding Expo

Teresa Giudice’s prison memoir has a title – and a release date!  The Real Housewives of New Jersey star has been penning a prison diary and we’ll be able to get our first look in February. 

It was previously thought that Teresa might go with her former long-time ghost writer Heather Maclean, but it looks like the felonista has gone in a new direction.  Teresa tapped People magazine writer K.C. Baker to lend her a hand.  Turning the Tables: From Housewife to Inmate and Back Again, is set to be released on Feb. 9, 2016 by Gallery Books.  

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