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Real Housewives of New Jersey

ZMOG! Teresa Giudice sucks and Melissa Gorga is the most beautifulest, amazing, fantastic person in all the world. Thank you Jesus for bringing her into our lives via Real Housewives of New Jersey. Just Kidding. They both annoy me.

But that's for all of you tireless crusaders who constantly harangue me with your belief that I'm secretly the president of the Teresa fan club and are immune to any sort of reason or logic called reading that may clear up that misconception. 

Anyway, back to the daily vomit of Jersey. So, Teresa's marriage is all about the business of the media these days ever since Joe Giudice's cheating became a storyline. The National Enquirer (which is surprisingly not so unbelievable) reports that Juicy's latest mistress has been discovered. I know – I couldn't believe he was cheating with Caroline Manzo either! 

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It's not enough for the Real Housewives of New Jersey to "entertain" us with a three-part reunion.  Oh no, we have to be faced with all of them in the media on every single day of the week.  I'm going back and forth like a pair of windshield wipers in a monsoon, that's for sure.  After the second installment of the reunion, I'm just in shock.  I was mortified and humiliated for Teresa Giudice for every second that Juicy Joe was on that couch.  I was sick that Jacqueline Laurita called out such personal things in their marriage, but I honestly think she was provoked.  Shame on both of them.

Melissa Gorga is every bit as manipulative as her sister-in-law, which I've always believed.  Again, she's just so much better at learning to keep her mouth shut to play the victim.  Kathy Wakile has her baked goods, so I'm happy for her.  I've never come out and said it (and I'm ready for the backlash…kind of…sort of…maybe), but Caroline Manzo doesn't bother me.  I get when people say she's too into her grown kids, and I understand that she may play the matriarch card to a ridiculous degree.  However, do I think she's a bully?  Not entirely.  I just think she has a very low tolerance for BS.  Y'all can call it saving face (and maybe it is, what do I know?), but I think she has been nothing but rational and even-keeled during this train wreck of a reunion.  When Teresa started bowing down on the table, thanking God that her former friends were out of her life, I couldn't believe what I was watching.  Bravo will probably enlist Dr. Sophy next, mark my words.  Perhaps the world is ending with the Mayan calendar…

So, after an ill-fated extra hour on Andy Cohen's sofas, the women have retreated to their multi-media outlets to wage battle once again.  Whether it's Twitter, their personal web sites, or gossip blog interviews, it seems a lot easier to spew the hate when no one is screaming across the set.  They're all doing it, don't get me wrong…but Teresa has had some gems in the last twenty-four plus hours.

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Here's the conclusion I've come to regarding Real Housewives of New Jersey. Before the show, these women were nothing but actual Housewives – and they gossiped and talked about each other, themselves, their friends and family. They've known each other a long time and the past runs deep.

I'm positive they've confessed things to each other and about each other that they never thought would see the light of day on national TV. And even more so I imagine they can't even remember half of what they said to each other and so it's a constant cycle of backtracking, justifying, and irrational behavior. 

This makes them all liars. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. Them. Not calculated liars, but circumstantial ones. But because none of them can behave like human beings they all look bad. 

I'm positive all the anti- Teresa Giudice people are going to say I'm a biased for saying this, but who cares (to quote Juicy Giudice). I feel bad for her and this show has destroyed her life. Just as Jacqueline Laurita is not cut out for this, neither is Teresa. I recently watched some clips of S1 and S2 and she is a completely different woman. Teresa has lost her light and has become severe and harsh. This show has consumed her – and it's really unflattering. 

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Tonight is the second installment of the reunion for the never-ending fourth season of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Tonight's segment will be all about who has the worst marriage. And for those of you who are interested in seeing a bunch of grown women engage in a game of you she-said, she-said; get ready!

To celebrate the craziest, wildest, most vitriolic and least refined of Bravo's Real Housewives franchise, we've decided to put together a little list of our top most shocking RHONJ moments. Behold the greatness below. 

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So it looks like for the next two weeks my entire vocabulary is going to be dominated by the words "Real Housewives of New Jersey." Yeah, can you feel how thrilled I am about that? 

Apparently discussing Teresa Giudice in Us Weekly wasn't enough, because Kathy Wakile is doing it again in her Bravo blog. Now of course I understand it's part of the job requirement to talk crap about your costars, I'm just tired of hearing it from all parties. Bitter is my new middle name. 

So, let's hear what Kathy has to say: 

"I want to go on record that I’m not proud of the dark place that I went to when I lashed out at Teresa. It’s not in my nature to allow myself to react so harshly, and I feel bad about my behavior.

Unfortunately, this time I reacted after Teresa had pushed me to my limit. How many more chances and benefits of the doubts am I going to give her? There are a few things that I hold sacred in my life: my children, my family, and most of all my marriage. How dare she try to pick away at my marriage and then throw her mother under the bus and say that she is the one who told her this?

Why would she betray her mother’s confidence and get her involved in this? A lie is a lie. Trust me, if the Pope himself was spreading lies about my marriage, I would still do anything to stop it.

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I'll be the first to admit that I finally took a stand on my feelings for Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice after watching that horrid first installment of the reunion.  Now I may be eating my words…just a bit.  A very little bit.  I still don't feel sorry for her, and I think I may keel over if I ever hear her utter the words "I was wrong" or "I lied."  However, now I don't feel badly for any of them.  They are all a bunch of fame whores as evidenced by the new Us Weekly cover story.  You have to love that they're all wearing red.  I guess they got Tre's devil memo!

You have to love the hypocrisy that comes with being a New Jersey housewife.  One minute Jacqueline Laurita, Caroline Manzo, Melissa Gorga, and Kathy Wakile are calling out Teresa for hawking her story on magazine cover after magazine cover (after magazine cover!), the next minute they are gracing the pages of Us Weekly (high brow…no In Touch for these gals!) and bashing their former friend.  Eye roll.

In a five page spread, the women spill all the details of their fallout with Tre.  Now, I don't doubt for one second that Teresa is a textbook narcissist, but how is moaning about her in a national publication going to change that?  Are these ladies actually expecting her to have some sort of epiphany and change her ways?  Doesn't anyone know how to take the high road anymore?  Geez.  Build a bridge, people!

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Ah my fellow readers, it appears that we aren't the only ones completely traumatized and in need of medication to deal with the trainwreck that is the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion(s)! 

Anderson Cooper stopped by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night and the two men revealed they're both hooked on the show – and completely stressed out by it.  Anderson and Jimmy dished (and did some HILARIOUS impersonations) about the Jersey Housewives, with Anderson admitting he need to take an Ambien to get to sleep after the first reunion last Sunday! 

Anderson also tells Jimmy about being bullied on Twitter over his "botched" first interview with Teresa Giudice – by her family (and as we all know, he invited her back the next day)!  Watch the interview's two parts below – they're a riot. 

They also chatted about their love of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and even got in a dig about the Kardashian Krew.


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If y'all are anything like me, you are still reeling from the first installment of the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion.  Even though it was essentially four against one with Andy Cohen sitting there like a mannequin, I have totally switched gears.  I may be the only person who now has no sympathy for Teresa Giudice.  I mean, take some responsibility!  Geez.  I am getting hives just thinking about it.

However, there were some positives surrounding the reunion.  What are those, you may ask?  Just some narcotics and sky-high ratings, of course! 

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