If ever there was a reason to say no to a proposal, it was an autotune-botched warbling of a wannabe Taylor Swift. And that proposal came courtesy of Gretchen Rossi. But of course Slade Smiley, who has been practicing the trickling of a single tear in the mirror for weeks, did not say no. Oh no … HE said yes! And it was all over-acted to puke-fection.
So yeah, let's start there shall we with the Real Housewives of Orange County proposal that just went on and on and on and on. Phase One: Slade at work at his radio station pretending he has a job like doing things on the radio. I was always convinced he just put up some microphones in Gretchen's overly cluttered garage, but apparently Radio Slade is a for realz thing.
Slade's partner announces a new song. A voice, a voice like mystic magic floating over clouds of heaven comes soaring over the airways. 'That sound…' gasps Slade staring off into the distance. I think someone has been watching The Sound Of Music… That voice, that he does not recognize because even WITH heavily deployed autotune it still sounds flat, plastic, and phony as hell (not unlike its owner), is Gretchen. And that song is asking him to marry him.
Oh thank goodness Gretchen Rossi is making money off the uber romantical and so super special and intimate proposal song she (and a team of Bravo hired producers) wrote for Slade Smiley.
That's soooooooooo special, y'all. Like the most beyond special-ist thing ever! So yeah, if you want to own your own little piece of television's most loving moment like ever you can buy it on iTunes.
The audio for this stunning love ballad is below. And you can be assured that autotune has been heavily deployed, even though like Gretchen doesn't need it because Real Housewives of Orange County producers intentionally made her sound worse on the show, just like because they're mean and like hate her and stuff! Not at all because she can't actually sing…
In what can only be the most ridiculous accusation ever lobbed against Bravo, Slade Smiley is accusing the network of doctoring audio footage to make Gretchen Rossi's singing sound worse than it really is!
On this week's episode of Real Housewives of Orange CountyGretchen unleashed a torrent of yowling cats upon us as she gushed about recording a special song for Slade that doubled as a proposal. While everyone in the viewing public covered their ears and hid for cover, Gretchen yammered about how Slade loves her singing.
Well, Slade claims he loves Gretchen's like for realz singing but not the stuff we see on TV! "WHAT is with the Editors that they always make it look like the worst singing ever??" a fan asked Slade on twitter. His response: "sad but its Bravo's formula. They go out if their way to alter the audio. Sucks right!"
I'm sure you've heard that for a hot minute Vicki Gunvalson's business partner, Robert Williamson III, was suing her alleging that she attempted to defraud him of partial ownership of Vicki's Vodka.
It turned out the Real Housewives of Orange County star "gifted" Brooks Ayers 16.67% of her stake of the company and then Brooks proceeded to re-sell that percentage to Robert for $50,000 right out from under Vicki's surgically altered nose!
Long story short, Vicki and Robert worked out their issue, he appeared on last week's episode of RHOC (convenient timing, no?) and dropped the suit against Vicki. But he is still suing Brooks! For what, I don't know? Maybe Brooks can sell him a pair of slightly used veneers. Or some ocean front property in Mississippi.
Brooks is responding to Robert's allegations and finding that Hallmark cards and petty threats don't always make the bad guys go away, but he wants the suit dismissed anyway. He also admits that sure he sold his shares, but it was to help his child Your Honor!
Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is dominating the ratings on Monday nights! The show's ratings climbed again (seriously, this is like the Mt. Everest of reality shows here) and was the most watched cable show that night!
3.6 million people tuned into the Kirk Frost and Rasheeda's impending divorce and Joseline preparing to propose! Next week is the season finale, so we can only imagine what the viewer numbers will be!
However next week Gretchen straps on a Marilyn Monroe costume and sings a proposal to Slade. The girls are doing it for themselves in the marriage department on Monday nights!
Also, still hanging tough on Monday night is Bravo's freshman reality show Below Deck. I have to admit I'm secretly loving the show. And it looks like I'm not the only person. 1.3 million viewers tuned into the fourth episode!
Take a peek below to see the viewer numbers since the premiere of the latest seasons of RHOC and L&HH ATL.
[Photo Credit: VH1]
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON MONDAY NIGHT? ARE YOU CHECKING OUT BELOW DECK?
In her Bravo blog, Lydia discusses returning from the Great White North to a sense of normalcy. She writes, "Coming off of the girls trip to Canada, it was good to get back to our normal routines. This episode really showed all of our personal lives rather then our relationships with one another. . .and I kind of liked that." You know, of all these women, I think Lydia is the only one who truly does enjoy being normal and drama-free!
SeeHeather Dubrow is like all actress-y and important-y and stuff and she was gifted with a premiere role on the show. And then low and behold Gretchen Rossi was maybe possibly potentially called about a guest spot that was then canceled from a now canceled show. Ya follow?
Anyway Gretchen is all shades of bleached and miffed that Heather doesn't think she's special enough to be on HER show, so she sent her a snarky text telling her that. I mean, allegedly. And, of course, it depends on who you ask. So we've heard Gretchen's side of the story, now let's hear Heather's!
"I was pretty disappointed to see Gretchen read my text message to Slade with that rude "sing songy" voice," Heather writes. "It was interesting to me that she neglected to mention that I was answering HER question in that text," Heather begins.
Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was pretty boring. And by boring I mean tragic. And deafening. Gretchen Rossi tried to sing but she forgot to bring the big, pink plastic handbag holding her autotune with her. Oh the results were more tragic than a Made in Sweatshop plasticine Gretchen Christine handbag. Also plastic her face and now her lips. We'll discuss in a minute…
Moving on to other adventures in RHOC things, are still a mess betweenVicki Gunvalson and Brooks. And by a mess I mean Vicki's life and hair are sadly reflecting her inner life. Get a brush and comb things out. Seriously – get a smoothing serum too. And call Dr. V.
So let's begin… Gretchen has returned from Whistler and her friendship with Tamra Barney is as frozen and icy as her face. Did I mention her hair doesn't move either but it permanently looks wind swept? How? Mystery of science if I've ever seen one. Let's call Myth Busters!