Recaps

shahs-israel

As the Shahs of Sunset continue their politically incorrect spiritual tour of Israel, tonight’s episode is all about opening up and being honest within their friendships and lives. That’s a pretty tall order, especially for Asa “Did You Know I’m Having a Baby” Soltan Rahmati, who has been dodging questions about her personal life faster than you can say miracle baby. None of this is sitting well with Mercedes “MJ” Javid, who desperately wants to make a baby of her own and thinks the more she tells people, the more likely it is to happen. Everyone click yourselves into your overpriced strollers and hang on, because tonight is going to be a bumpy ride.

We rejoin the Shahs at the Western Wall, where they are all praying for what they want, except Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi, who sits there fuming about being out of her element. Dressed in camo pants and an angry look on her face, she minds her own business but claims that an Israeli man harassed her by saying “jihad” to her. I guess the multiple camera pointed at her didn’t catch that part but of course, GG wouldn’t make something up now would she? *Pausing as I list in my head all the things GG has made up over the course of the show*

Paola-Green-Dress-Long-Hair-Couch-TH-90-Day-Fiance

It’s been a slow march to the courthouse for Danielle and Mohamed getting to last night’s 90 Day Fiance finale, but they finally face off this week. In another humiliating confrontation, Jorge and Anfisa have a little business to attend to – such as, does he plan on paying her for services rendered, or will she also be heading to a courthouse to start divorce proceedings? Paola continues to act like she just met “conservative Oklahoma boy” Russ yesterday, and Russ continues to feign shock that his thirsty bride is a two-bit hustler sexy model. And Pedro and Chantel – well, just ugh. As they march delusionally toward the altar for round two, their equally dysfunctional families gather to celebrate the doomed couple.

We begin in the Dominican Republic, where the sad-sack music TLC used to reserve for the likes of Danielle/Jorge types is now being used on every single Chantel/Pedro scene. And rightly so. This family bonding trip has gone from “No thanks on the chicken feet!” to “Slut a$$ b*tch a$$ whore!!!!” in just under a week. As she gets her makeup and hair done for the ceremony, Chantel admits all of this to her friend and sister, but doesn’t get into details. Suffice to say, everyone hates everyone. But young, naive Chantel thinks that it doesn’t matter. Love will conquer all!!! Or they will get divorced in under a year.

Flipping Out Recap: What Will Jeff Do?

Is it possible to be personally invested in the lives of reality TV folks one has never, nor will ever meet? Because, for good or for bad, that’s me when it comes to Jeff Lewis and the gang of Flipping Out. And this season, things feel more personal than ever. Season nine left off with Jeff and Gage Edward expecting their first child via surrogate, Zoila Chavez, Jeff’s housekeeper of eighteen years, moving out on her own, and renovations of Jeff’s current home, Valley Vista, only halfway completed. Since then, Jeff has (finally) agreed to agree to Zoila’s long overdue retirement this past year, which means he’ll have to find someone else to get his three brown salsas and alphabetize his refrigerator items, going forward. (Oh, the humanity!)

For season ten, we pick up just four weeks before the birth of baby girl Monroe, whose arrival will change everything. And Jenni Pulos doesn’t know it yet (at time of filming), but she’ll be expecting baby number two – her second daughter – who was born this past June after a long and arduous IVF journey. Whew. There’s a lot of life changes on the horizon for this crew. So, let’s jump right in and see how it all shakes out!

Real Housewives of New York reunion

It’s time for the Real Housewives Of New York ladies to sit down and throw down for three straight weeks, and part one of the reunion started off with a bang – and a spooky disclaimer. As expected, Bethenny Frankel and Ramona Singer faced off, and Luann de Lesseps was forced to answer question after brutal question regarding her marriage to Tom D’Agostino, which was likely on its last leg at time of filming. The setting was very Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil, and the fashions – well, they ranged from Tinsley Mortimer’s Shirley Temple ruffles to Dorinda Medley’s chic, bejeweled butterflies. Sonja Morgan decided to unleash her girls for battle, and Ramona – well. I’m not sure how to put this. Let’s just say, Mariah Carey’s stylist must be moonlighting for RHONY.

Andy Cohen opens the reunion after we are warned by Bravo that “what you are about to watch was recorded three weeks before Luann filed for divorce from her husband of seven months, Tom.” And now I feel like the Blair Witch is beginning. That was INTENSE. (Should we be scared? I’m gonna go with: Yes.) To add to the Gothic effect, Luann is wearing her wedding (reception) dress. This makes me shudder-cringe for poor Lu.

below-deck-med-reunion

After an entertaining and tumultuous season sailing around Croatia, the cast of Below Deck Mediterranean is on dry land and ready to face the emotional pirates of their past voyage. Heading up this charter is a take no prisoners when it comes to love, Andy Cohen, who wants nothing more than to get to the bottom of Chef Adam Glicks heart. Over and over, we have to relive Adam’s take on Malia White, the one that got away, although she’s really less of “the one that got away” and more of “the one who played two guys like a pro and ended up with the other, who she may or may not be dating still (but we all know she is)”. You’re not fooling anyone, Malia! Just because you come to the reunion dressed like you’re on the Real Housewives of the Croatian Seas, doesn’t mean you get to play the same coy games they do.

Before Andy dives in, he starts with a few ice breakers like, who is still working together? Wesley Wiz Walton and Christine “Bugsy” Drake, who is finally the Chief Stew of something besides her own fantasy world. Who would be Hannah Ferrier’s perfect interior crew? Julia and Tiffany from last season and Lauren Cohen from this season, despite the fact that she talked crap on Hannah the whole time. How did Captain Sandy Yawn feel about Adam mistaking her for the Chief Stew? It doesn’t bother her, she is used to it and she thinks it’s fun to surprise sexist chefs who are too proud to follow a preference sheet people.

7DM fight Dance Moms

As last night’s Dance Moms begins, Abby Lee Miller is no where to be seen. She’s two days away from her sentencing, and traipsing around Europe. Is it my birthday? It’s the greatest gift, for sure.  Ashlee is is thrilled to bring in Laureanne Gibson, a choreographer and life-changer for stars like Lady Gaga, Beyonce, the Jonas Brothers, and Demi Lavato. Google her, y’all. She’s so tickled to get to work with young dancers and take a break from P. Diddy (Puff Daddy?) and Katy Perry to get the ALDC off their cuckoo for cocoa puffs hamster wheel. Laurieanne has won Emmys and MTV awards, she is ready to break down the monotony of the dance competition world. As she spouts off her resume and accolades and star proteges, Kira interrupts to remind her that this group is on a time frame. Laurieanne questions whether Abby has held back any of the dancers, and hands go up all over the room.

Nia tears up remembering how hard Abby was on her when she embarked on her music career. But guess what? Laurieanne is faster, stronger, better. She’s time, people. Like, literally, she said she’s not worried about time because she IS time. While I’m wrapping my head around this admission, I realize I’m just thrilled to be without the pyramid. When she dismisses the mothers, I’m like, Boom. She’s cray, but I love it.

rhod1

We return to The Real Housewives of Dallas for what is rumored to be an amazing season. Unlike last, this is the first season fully intended to be part of the “Real Housewives” franchise. The tone has already changed from a ‘poop centric, charity loving, cartoon,’ to a southern fried drama with a side of pink dog food; ridiculous!

Cary Deuber is awarded with the first scene, hosting a doggy play-date for her and Stephanie Hollman. Cary reveals she considers Steph one of her best friends now. These women pair up quickly. We meet Biscuit, the newest Hollman dog. Much like her husband Travis Hollman, Biscuit enjoys running around the house with her panties in his mouth.

briana-teen-mom

Tonight’s episode of Teen Mom 2 brings a lot less drama than the last few episodes, but the moms with big decisions looming are starting to run out of time.

Our first case is Briana DeJesus, who is now 24 weeks pregnant and trying to decide if she wants to give her baby up for adoption. Baby Daddy Luis still isn’t on the same page and is firmly against it but Briana pushes forward with meeting an adoption case worker anyway. Briana hopes getting more information to bring back to him will help to slowly change his perspective but it sounds like a lost cause – Luis wants none of it and Briana needs to make a decision soon, one way or another.