Recaps

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Finally! Rhonnie and Karla weigh in on part two of the Little Women: LA reunion! Wait – who are Rhonnie and Karla, you ask? Good question! They are, in fact, total rando’s that Christy McGinity Gibel feels the need to trot out once more, apparently under the guise of having “backup.” They were first seen acting like thirsty wannabees at Casino Night; now they’re gracing the couches for a final say. Or something. You know how Taylor Swift has her Squad? Yeah, well, this is the like that. Except – totally not like that. Ah, Christy. You make it hard for us to go to bat for you, chica!

The rest of the men join the ladies in part two as well, adding their opinions to the stinkpile of rehashed topics such as: Tonya Banks’ comments on average sized children, new babies (yay!), and more. Hang on, gang…I pinky promise that we are almost DONE with season 5! (I am sending Lifetime an invoice for a 7-day spa retreat as reparation for living through this mess!!!)

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Now that’s how you go down swinging!  Too often, we see players leave the game with a whimper, or even taking some key information with them to their Survivor grave (Michaela was criticized for not outing Jay‘s Idol just a few weeks ago).  But not tonight.  An explosive Tribal Council culminated in a #SurvivorBomb being dropped, and when the smoke cleared, we were left with just 11 contestants left.

Let’s get through tonight’s episode, shall we?  It was another good one, and while this season can be called many things, “predictable” is not one of them.

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Is it bad that I’ve decided that yet another hour long Dance Moms episode means that something is right with the world? Perhaps that was Steven Collins’ plan all along with that slew of ninety minute ridiculousness! Either that, or I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Thirty Year Old Grandma!

On last night’s show, the veteran mothers made good on their threat to look elsewhere for training, and Abby Lee Miller threw yet another tantrum. It was pretty amazing, to be honest. In light of Abby’s legal woes and mounting erratic behavior, the women decide to rent out their own studio. The elite team is ecstatic, and Kira gifts the girls with a new team jacket. She’s enlisted a rival dance instructor and famed choreographer given the girls will be performing at a competition with the ALDC minis. Kalani Hilliker is thrilled to be working with Erin, and the entire team seems to have a renewed confidence. An added bonus? No pyramid!

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Below Deck recap

Before we get to last night’s Below Deck recap, I’d like to offer condolences to Nico Scholly and his family. Nico lost his younger brother Tristen this week, a devastating event that changes the lives of a family forever.

Nico was a big player in this week’s episode and, given the nature of the crew’s ongoing shenanigans, our RT snark fest will go on, business as usual, in the name of mindless fun we all enjoy. But my heart truly does go out to Nico during this turbulent time.

Okay. Onto the episode! Last night was a cluster of epic proportions.

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Last night Lisa Vanderpump hosted World Dog Day and declared it a mandatory requirement for all Vanderpump Rules stars to own a dog. James Kennedy is exempt, however, because obviously Lisa cares about the welfare of her furry friends!

OK, just kidding – they didn’t have to own a dog, but it might as well have been a decree. Some of them <ahem… Stassi Schroeder…> were so eager to suck-up to Lisa via dog-loving they adopted two poor doggies, and dressed them up in bonnets fit for English Tea.

Before we dealt with dogs, however, we had to deal with pussy cats. And also bitches. All in a days work at SUR, right!? The bitch is Jax Taylor who has been spreading news of Kristen Doute petting Brittany Cartwright‘s kitty-cat all over SUR.

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Real Housewives of Orange County reunion recap

Part 2 of Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion aired last night. Well, that was a refreshingly light-hearted hour of television, wasn’t it?!

So who wants to discuss THE AFFAIR with Shannon Beador again?

Anybody… well damn, too bad! Shannon and David did a vow renewal, and none of us understand how emotional, loving, caring, amazing David was ’cause the cameras didn’t show it. Only Vicki Gunvalson understands! See, she and Donn did this lil’ thing called a vow renewal, but 15 minutes later, they were divorced and Brooks Ayers had infiltrated the Coto. Empty Love Tank will drive you into the arms of the wrong love.

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Teresa Vs. Jacqueline

As someone who has written about the exploits and shenanigans of Real Housewives for many moons, Real Housewives Of New Jersey is the only show which leaves me emotionally exhausted.

On one level, it’s a nod to their ability to remain raw in front of the cameras, years after years of doom and gloom fighting. However, on the other side, their lack of self-awareness means season after season after season someone – Teresa Giudice, usually – is gonna be accused of a maelstrom of denial that the other ladies have no idea they are also wallowing in. So sometimes you need 5 Xanax – maybe 10! – to get through it.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta recap

Well, Real Housewives Of Atlanta went low quick. Like lower than the dip in Kenya Moore‘s hellish driveway!

Last night the ladies were throwing out the dirty buttermilk on each other. So, turn your prayer cloth into a strainer and start diluting that crud with holy water before you serve it up with biscuits! (That made no sense, but it sounds Phaedra Parks -ian).

Things begin at Moore Manor where Kenya is hosting a housewarming party. I know, I know… whoever heard of a housewarming party for an unfinished house? But even worse – whoever heard of a housewarming party for the ghosts of one’s past in the form of unwelcome guests. Unless of course you’re related to the Addams’s Family or Ebenezer Scrooge.

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