Oh man. It’s finally here: the glass to the head that sent Christy McGinity Gibel to the hospital, courtesy of castmate and long time friend/nemesis, Terra Jole. But before we get to that sorry scene, we must navigate the aftermath of Briana Renee’s bachelorette trip to Cancun, which includes some shocking news. Suffice to say, a whole lotta mess was in store for us on last night’s Little Women: LA.
Matt and Briana are out for an unemployed stroll to discuss the fiasco that was Cancun. Briana gives him her Cliff Notes: Jasmine Sorge tried her best, but Terra lost her f’in mind anyway. The only people Briana is inviting to her wedding now are Elena Gantand Jasmine. Christy is in “guest list limbo,” and the rest of the girls can catch fire, as far as Briana is concerned. Matt encourages Briana to invite her parents to the wedding, but she’s not sure. She weirdly says, “It’s like they’re my parents, but they’re not my parents…you know?” No, I don’t know, Briana. That’s a loaded statement, to put it lightly.
You guys Lisa Rinna has to talk about something. She reallyreallyreallyreally has to get something off her chest, clear the air, and discuss this reallyreallyreally important thing that’s been weighing heavily on her and like bothering her lately and she just really has to put it out there and like f–king own it. So the ladies of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills flew across the world to deal with the diarrhea of Lipsa’s giant lips.
But seriously – what the hell was going on last night?! They’re in Dubai, so it’s already another world, but this quickly became Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Except in this case, it’s actually all of us falling down the giant gaping hole of Lipsa’s mouth, which is directly linked her to her giant gaping makes no sense (OMG WHY IS ERIKA GIRARDI‘S BRAID A GIANT CATERPILLAR EATING HER HEAD IN THE DESERT) thought process. I’d blame hookahs, but um… well she brought the crazy with her from California. I hope it isn’t catching. Like Lyme!
Last night’s Dance Moms brought the drama, but Abby Lee Miller managed to stay slightly above the fray. You know that means it’s bad! As the episode begins, Abby is as unhinged as ever as she lectures the mothers on not respecting how busy she is as Ashlee lobbies for a pyramid to prove to the other moms that Brynn is worthy of the ALDC jacket. She’s still fuming that the team refuses to accept her daughter as its newest member, and I’m fuming that I get riled up and forget this a scripted mess.
At the studio, JoJo inquires to the whereabouts of Ashlee’s friends, and Ashlee retorts that she has no friends. Meanwhile, Melissa drives her daughters to practice, and Maddie admits that she love Brynn, but her addition to the team was awkward thanks to the mothers. MacKenzie chimes in to say how sad it was that the moms accused Brynn’s win of being rigged, and Melissa quickly shuts her down. “We don’t say that word.”
Jenelle boils hot dogs for Kaiser while friend/roommate/nanny Tori’s presence assures him he’s not alone with his mom. “We gotta wipe your hands. Forget it, we’re not wiping your hands,” Jenelle says in one breath before putting Kaiser in his crib to scream alone while she hangs out in bed with Tori.
Since we’re starting out with the worst, Andy replays footage of James Kennedy getting eaten alive by SUR hostess Lauren, then coming to work proudly showing off his battle wounds. He’s a survivor! Lisa Vanderpump was unimpressed. The best part was learning that Lauren’s boyfriend, hot bartender Anthony, dumped her over the incident. Ouch – getting dumped for James has gotta hurt!
Last night was part 2 of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion. The conversation was all about sex and who’s having it with those they shouldn’t be! Thank you Bravo for giving me d–k in a box for Easter. Or should I say d–k in a basket?
Andy begins by asking Cynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams about their boat brawl. Despite spending the season pretending to be friends, Cynthia and Porsha now dislike each other for some mysterious reason, so MONTHS later they are now arguing over who’s at fault.
Kandi Burruss admits that the other ladies convinced Porsha to go and talk to Cynthia after she walked away from their verbal fight.
Robyn and Gizelle meet for lunch to review the future of Robyn and (ex hubby) Juan’s relationship. Gizelle spoke with Juan recently and was suspicious of his intentions with her bestie. Are they in it for the long haul? Will they reconcile? Robyn loves Juan (and he, her), but she doesn’t trust him 100% yet. His cheating past haunts her. Gizelle thinks that no matter what Robyn and Juan do, they need to stop lying to their children – who think mommy and daddy are still married.
The Mexican adventure continues for the ladies of Little Women: LA, with part two of Briana Renee’s bachelorette party melting down into a pile of broken friendships – and swimming with dolphins! The tension between Terra Jole and Briana still hangs thickly, metaphorically symbolized by the torrential rain pouring down during the ladies’ hike on Day 3.
Although Terra claims she wants a friendship with Briana again, Briana is wary of her motives. Briana is also exhausted from Tonya Banks’ lecture about her “not looking happy” as a newlywed. But how exactly is Briana supposed to look when she’s endlessly being browbeaten about her marriage by her frenemies? It’s all just too much.