You know, this charter from hell may have lasted mere days for the crew of Below Deck Mediterranean, but it has lasted nearly A MONTH for viewers. We deserve a night off! As the upright apes and their female companions prepare to depart the Ionian Princess, everyone has been driven to the brink of insanity. Well, everyone except Danny Zureikat, who prefers to drive the insanity bus rather than get hit by it!
So everyone is stranded at Kelly Dodd‘s house – which consists of 4 stories of bars and Bansky-esque decor, and is littered with bizarrely behaving bitches in the form of Real Housewives. It was like Alice In Wonderland meets the color white. Off with your head, but first: a spot of vodka for your very unfriendly chat.
Last night the Christmas spirt came to Real Housewives Of New Jersey, and also a New Year brought a new attitude, and Teresa Giudice was giving out her forgiveness wrapped in tissue-filled boxes and tied with a prison-issued bow. Too bad that forgiveness felt as natural as an ingrown toenail.
Of course, in the land that Teresa built on fraud and false promises, it is not Jesus’ birthday we’re celebrating, but the day she came back to life by being released from prison. Jacqueline Laurita, who sooooo does not care about Teresa AT ALL, is watching the news coverage with tears in her eyes. Jacqueline apparently needed Dolores Catania and a bouquet of flowers to deal with these emotions. Jacqueline’s tears turned sour at the paparazzi snaps of Teresa being rewarded for surviving prison with a BRAND NEW LEXUS (said in Bob Barker’s voice)! Is there a bumper sticker that says, “Mommy went to prison and all we got was this luxury SUV.”
Tonight, Shahs of Sunset finally gave us all a much needed break from all the arguing and drunken booze-festing that our Shahs are known for. Instead of talking about illness and who is being a loyal friend, there was a lot of talk about personal growth and shoes. How do those things tie together? They don’t but never mind that, let’s pretend they do.
Reza Farahan goes to lunch with his mom. She’s thrilled about his recent marriage to Adam Neely. Despite her conservative upbringing, all she cares about is Reza being happy and besides, she loves Adam too. Reza wants her to come to Oklahoma to meet Adam’s family and she politely declines, saying she has been there once. I guess that was enough. Reza gets emotional just talking about how much he loves his mom and this is a really nice change of pace for Reza – he should do more bonding with his mother and less being a terrible friend to pretty much everyone.
Well, someone found her voice this week on The Real Housewives of New York – even if it was only in her blog! Jules Wainstein unleashed her opinions about Bethenny Frankel and Carole Radziwill in no uncertain terms. Jules’ writing is so sharp in fact, Carole even took to twitter to disparage Jules further and defend herself, re-tweeting one viewer’s pointed question, “I think Jules used a ghostwriter to write this weeks blog. What do u think?” Hmm. You be the judge!
Jules begins by wondering, “‘Why is there always yelling and screaming? Why is someone always storming out of the room in tears? Why is someone always being mocked, insulted, judged or left out? WHAT PLANET ARE WE ON?!’ And then it hit me like a meteor: We are on planet Bethenny. Unlike on planet Earth where friendships are formed and shaped through mutual support and encouragement, on planet Bethenny (which is circled 24/7 by a moon named Carole) it is acceptable for friends to disparage one another behind their backs, to judge, berate and abandon one another on an almost constant basis.” Uh-oh. Shots fired! SHOTS FIRED!
Only 24 hours after the preview of Season 9’s Flipping Out, and here we are on episode two! Is it Christmas in July? No, but it’s a filthy mess at Jeff Lewis‘ new construction zone house, Valley Vista. The sweet sound of circular saws and sledgehammers lulls Jeff to sleep each night, but also drives him to the brink of his OCD.
Gage Edward and crew seem like they are speaking more quietly than ever, almost literally tip-toeing around Jeff as he loses his mind over piles of wood, missing nails, and contractors’ cell phones lying around.
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of New York left a big question mark over my head. Am I stupid is as stupid does? Because why exactly is Bethenny Frankel so angry atJules Wainstein? Actually, angry isn’t the world, “spooked” is. And what exactly did Bravo NOT show us that is so pertinent to what caused this explosion? Color me three shades of ‘Bethenny lost 10% of her blood’ pale.
O, Season 9 of Flipping Out, how I’ve patiently awaited your long overdue arrival! (And we get a 2-night premiere to boot! YES!) It’s been nearly a year since we last saw Jeff Lewis and the gang, and now that they’re back, all is right with the world again. Last seen, Jeff was mediating between longtime housekeeper/mother figure/future nanny Zoila Chavez and boyfriend/future baby daddy Gage Edward. Zoila either got the bad edit last season, or she was extra grumpy about folding Jeff’s undershorts into perfect hexagons. Whatever the case, she took out her rage on Gage, who dealt with her passive aggressive insults all season long. Until Jeff negotiated a fragile peace between them during the season 8 finale.
In the time between then and now, Gage and Jeff have announced they are expecting a baby girl via surrogacy. Wheeeeeeeeeee! (Please let them decorate the baby room on camera, please let them decorate the baby room on camera – if I chant this enough times, will it work!!?!?) But before all of this good news unfolds, let’s check in with what’s transpired since the crew departed once and for all from their beloved Gramercy. Answer: Lots.