Recaps

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Southern Charm seems to be returning to its roots without the past season’s bitter drama between Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis. On last night’s episode, the once tumultuous couple saw each other for the first time in nearly a year after a tentative turn as pen pals. Of course, we’ll see how long it lasts as T-Rav tries to forge a romantic relationship with Landon Clements

Last night’s episode begins in Hampton Park where Thomas is hosting  Saint’s first birthday, complete with a kitten and bunny petting zoo. As the crew preps for the celebration, Landon calls to regret. She’s not quite ready to play house yet. En route to the shindig, Liz is riding co-pilot with an anxious Kathryn as husband JD shuttles their brood. Also carpooling are Patricia Altschul and Cameran Eubanks who comment on just how embarrassing it must be to for Kathryn to be a guest at her own son’s birthday. So kind, and not at all condescending, for sure. Kathryn arrives and shares a robotic hug with T-Rav before hugging her precious babies. The pair awkwardly make small talk about their correspondence and card stock. Danni shows up (where has she been?) with JD and his kids following behind. Cameran embraces Kathryn while Pat heads in the opposite direction, navigating the goose poop in her Louboutins. As the rest of the crowd trickles in, Kathryn passes right by Jennifer Snowden and her baby. Come on, Kathryn. Show some of that forgiveness you’ve been vying for with your peers.

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I don’t know about you guys but I am still recovering from all the kangaroo caprese salad and Tasmanian devil poppers from the Oz Critic’s Choice Dinner last week on Real Housewives of Potomac. Aside from the food, Ashley Darby calling her dinner something straight out of an award show format was pretty lofty, especially considering the food critics weren’t really choosing anything, more like getting a free dinner in exchange for filling out a comment card. But despite my snide assessment of the details, it was a clever move on Ashley’s part to get her restaurant some exposure and convince her controlling Aussie husband that she’s not the only one who thinks the menu well, sucks.

As Ashley reads through the comment cards on the new menu, she is pleasantly surprised about how good the feedback was and it only reinforces her belief that Aussie food is not the way to go (duh). There is only one thing still standing stubbornly in her way – Michael. He shows up with his tail in between his legs, offering a tepid apology that becomes pointless when he blames his threat to shut down the restaurant on her not acting like a team player. Now Ashley was no saint during that argument, but I could see how she would flip her sh*t when idea after idea of hers has been shot down and she just wanted to do one thing on her own for the betterment of Oz without her old curmudgeon of a husband putting the kibosh on it. Michael’s apology doesn’t really land and while he says he wants to work through it, he’s still ignoring how discounted Ashley feels in their partnership.

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On last night’s Second Wives Club, a gobsmacked Veronika Obeng continued to wrestle over what to do with her marriage, Shawna Craig was the girl who cried broke and couldn’t afford more head shots, and Tania Mehra tried repair all the relationships she sunk.

In Katie Cazrola‘s world, she refuses to be Walter’s trophy wife, because she actually wants to be his sugar mama! Walter is on board with this: he’ll sit home tinkering on his piano with big dreams of making it in music, while Katie runs two successful businesses and pays the bills.

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Little Women: LA Recap: Fierce Fight

Guess who now owns the word “fierce?” (Well, besides the year 2005.) Terra Jole owns it, dammit! And she makes Briana Renee’s head spin when she reveals on this week’s Little Women: LA that she’s using it in her upcoming book title. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. We are now witness to an argument about who is and is not fierce. Wait – can we abstain from the vote? Or redefine “fierce” as: Without boundaries, self awareness, or the maturity of a fifth grader? Because then, I will gladly get on board.

But last week’s mess still looms large over the group, as Christy McGinity Gibel gets wind of Terra showing her video all around town. As a result, Christy firmly draws a line in the sand, stating that she will not now, nor EVER, sign that book release Terra was waving in front of her face. So Terra will just have to rely on everyone else’s dirt to fill the pages of her “tell-all.” Hmm. It would seem Briana and Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer] could provide sufficient content for a trilogy, so my guess is that she’ll be all set, right?

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I think I can speak for the better part of The Real Housewives of New York viewing audience when I kindly request that they make the Tom D’Agostino storyline just STOP already. (Please? We will do anything – we will watch Sonja Morgan go in for vaginal rejuvenation number two! We will welcome Jill Zarin back with open arms! We will watch that friggin election party again – okay, too far.) Because when it comes to this dusty old Tom story, I have to channel Ramona Singer here and ask, are you kidding me? Are you KIDDING me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!

Alas, I regret to inform you that despite our better wishes, the ladies decide it’s still a wise idea to confront Luann de Lesseps about her upcoming nuptials to dear, openly-cheating Tom for the seven hundredth time. In this week’s installment of Are You Sure You Want To Be A Bride, Luann? Ramona leads the charge, with Bethenny Frankel throwing some tears and bizarre begging in for good measure. Then, Ramona and Bethenny go at it head to head in what may be the final round of their friendship. This all occurs after Ramona nearly literally turns herself into the cartoon character version of her former, batsh*t self. So, strap in!

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We rejoin Below Deck Mediterranean and the crew of the Sirocco in the midst of an anchor crisis. It’s been nine hours and they are still toiling away at trying to untangle their hopelessly twisted anchor. But Wesley Wiz Walton isn’t going to give up and poof! he manages to save the day (and the charter season) by setting the anchor free! Captain Sandy Yawn is thrilled and she’s not the only one. This is just one big turn on for the most eligible bachelorette on the Mediterranean: Deckhand Malia White.

Problem solving skills are sexy and Malia can’t help but swoon over Wiz coming to the boat’s rescue. That’s bad news for resident goon Bobby Giancola, who lost major points given his lack of simple math and not being able to stay calm under pressure. Of course he doesn’t know he didn’t really have a chance with Malia to begin with but that goes back to those math skills – if one sexy deckhand has two good looking crew members chasing after her and one giant ball of steroids that drunkenly yells at other women for c*ck blocking him, how many possible suitors does the sexy deckhand have left? Bobby is decidedly out of the equation.

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craig-conover

The lack of drama on this season’s Southern Charm has been a catch-22. Obviously, I don’t want drama for the sake of entertainment at the expense of two young children and their feuding parents, but without the screaming and roof raising, what are we watching? Last night’s episode reminded me why I fell in love with the first season. These folks seem to sincerely have fun with each other, and I believe they all have good hearts…if not intentions.

The show begins as Kathryn Dennis practices yoga in Hampton Park as Landon reaches out Thomas Ravenel to ask him out to dinner. Cameran Eubanks takes a call from her husband Jason Wimberly and informs him of their family of five predicted by the psychic. He suggests turning their downstairs bedroom into a nursery, but she’s making it a zen room…for now. In fact, she’s on her way to purchase all new fixings for the spot. In the Old Village, Craig Conover gets some epic news of his own from the Dean of the law school. He’s finally satisfied his upper level writing requirement which means he is officially finished with law school. Craig and Gizmo celebrate with a Facetime session with his parents and some cat treats. At Marshall’s Cameran is shopping with Chelsea to decorate her new zen room. Cameran rehashes the evening at Patricia’s, complete with Craig and Shep Rose screaming about forgiveness and her desire to stay above the fray. She’s not picking sides and wishes Kathryn well, she’s just strives to be drama free. Chelsea shares her initial meeting with Kathryn. She was expecting a nightmare but enjoyed her interaction with the group outsider.

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Oh Southern Charm Savannah….y’all need a lesson in dinner parties and The Glass Menagerie from folks who know. Last night’s episode was a master disaster disguised as a dinner party from hell. Y’all need to step up your game! But let’s get started with the recap, shall we?

In light of the recent fire (no pun intended), Ashley Borders and her friend Zia welcome a Gullah priestess to her home to bless the home and read the energy of the third floor. She prays in the room and releases the spirits to the other side. Before the Gullah priestess leaves, she reads Ashley’s palm and hints that big things are in her future. This news gives Ashley a glimmer of hope, and asks about the future of her marriage with Dennis, her high school sweetheart. Without missing a beat, the woman tells Ashley she hasn’t met her soulmate yet. I’m so glad that “soulmate” wasn’t a drinking game word last night, or the Southern Charm franchise would have killed me.

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