Last night was our first introduction to the season that Bravo hopes will redeem Real Housewives of New Jersey's viewership. After season 5 suffered from sinking ratings because of stale drama and regurgitated storylines the network has infused new and recycled blood into the franchise and given us orange-er skin, more be-sprayed hair, and a let's be happier facade!
Everyone is treating Teresa Giudice with the nice-ies – maybe it's because they recognize that this may be her last season due to jail time and the throne will be open for a new RHONJ queen! Dina Manzo is back to be Teresa's lady in waiting, but she also has a whole new lease on life because she's single and ready-ish to mingle. Mingle with species other than cats – of both the hairless and ferocious Jersey tigers out for her blood varieties! I missed Dina – I like her dry candor. And her cats.
Last night was the premiere of Kandi's Wedding. Unfortunately what is supposed to be a joyful occasion for the couple has been usurped by drama and negativity! Of course Mama Joyce is doing everything in her power to destroy Kandi Burruss' happiness; from telling Kandi she's fat, to accusing Todd Tucker's parents of being a retired pimp and ho. Seriously Mama Joyce said Todd's mother Sharon was a former "working girl" who had trained Todd to hustle for Kandi's money. And Todd's now deceased father was once her pimp! If I were Sharon I would be getting an attorney on the phone immediately! #LawsuitByBravo
Other than Mama Joyce, Kandi's BFF and bridesmaid Carmon has been shoved into the role of impromptu wedding planner. Kandi tells her team (which includes manager Don Juan) that she wants to plan her entire Coming To America themed wedding in 5 weeks – and to save money (since Kandi is a girl who loves a deal!) she's decided to skip the high-priced wedding planners and rely on her assistant/bridesmaid Carmon and another employee, her event coordinator Johnny who has done a few simple weddings in the past. Oh lord – this spells trouble in both Zamundan and English!
Last night on Real Housewives of New York we bid adieu to Milou. But it was more than saying goodbye to Sonja Morgan's dog, it was about saying goodbye to toxic relationships and living in the past. In short, Sonja made the decision that she was not going to end up a modern-day Miss Havisham and was instead going to l-i-v-e as a modern-day Auntie Mame!
Kristen Taekman is in the throes of many struggles – I mean Ramona Singer maimed her and her husband is the very definition of douchelord in the dictionary – I promise! Look it up – his photo is in there.
She meets LuAnn de Lesseps and Heather Thomson for some shopping where she recaps her Ramonapology, you know here's some flowers, gotta whiz! Hamptons! Celebrities! And there was poor Kristen sitting at the table like, "but… I put on this dress. And you – you have anger management issues!" It was too late, Ramona had already downed her glass of wine? water? Water which she turned into wine? Does she have that power based on the sheer will of her fortitude? I mean how does Ramona even get a wine glass in a tea shop? Does she carry her own, in her purse, for emergency purposes? So many questions…
Last night on 16 And Pregnant 18-year-old Aleah LeBeouf, a diabetic teen from St. Louis, MO, welcomed daughter Peyton. Because of her diabetes she has a high risk pregnancy and has to check her sugar multiple times a day. Doctors warn her that her daughter Peyton could be stillborn if she doesn't monitor her sugar closely. Aleah worries constantly that she won't be able to provide a good life for her daughter or that her medical issues could also make her daughter sick.
Aleah is dating Shawn, who is 19 and has a three-year-old son named Noah from another baby mama. Noah's biological mom is not in the picture so he lives full-time with Shawn and his family, and Aleah acts as a mother-figure to him.
Last night Heather Dubrow was in full manners crusader role as she hosted a hoedown ground breaking party for her new mansion in the sky. In case you didn't know, Heather is above everyone else – literally.
Before all that, the ladies of Real Housewives of Orange County continued to bicker and give their varying accounts of "chairgate". When will Bravo stop trying to make "…gate" happen? They should re-title the franchise Real Housewives Gate. Anyway, back to chairgate. UGH.
Heather complains to Terry that Shannon Beadorturned into the Incredible Hulk (it must be all the supplements!), wrenched the chair out from under her and bellowed SHANNON SMASH SOCIALITE! It was frankly alarming to Miss Dubrow – positively frightening. She's really considering therapy for the horrifying injustice she endured. True confession: I tuned out. I think Terry did too. Heather's complaints went on for a while.
Last night's episode started and stopped with lots of lady brawling, beginning right where last week's ended, with Karlie Redd going loco on Yung Joc's realtor/chauffeur/stylist/side piece Khadiyah. As the women are parted, Joc enters the room, and he's so confused as to why the two women he's bedding are fighting after he forced them to spend the afternoon together. After he admits to sleeping with Khadiyah, Karlie tells him he needs to check his hos, and she screams at Khadiyah that she hopes her lady parts taste good. Keepin' in classy! Karlie is so over Joc, and she declares she never wants to see him again…once he gives her a ride home. Joc can't seem to persuade her to get the heck out of his car, and when he exits the vehicle for a hot second, she jumps into the drivers' seat and peels off down the road. Joc laughs to himself…what did he expect?
Last night on Real Housewives of New York the ladies confronted Ramona P. Singer (the P stands for Pinot) about her behavior in the Berkshires. Most specifically a pseudo meltdown that was the perfect segue for her to ditch them and hit up a Molly Simms party in the Hamptons. Oh that Ramona – she's so devious! However, by the sheer power of their conviction and the fortitude of LuAnn de Lesseps' self-described "linebacker shoulders," the ladies were able to make a slight dent in Ramona's AquaNet facade and she actually apologized to Kristen Taekman. How that went is another story, but let's start back in the Berks (can I tell you how tired I am of typing that word… ).
Back in the Berkshires the ladies are are seriously hungover after a night of binge drinking and pinot-trashing. I can assume many a bottle of Ramona Pinot was smashed as well. Heather Thomson wakes everyone up because soon they'll be forced into an AM yoga class. Sonja Morgan awakes in a negligee with the remains of her bumpit! trembling on one side of her head – she's also missing a cubic zirconium diamond earring. Sonja is super sad that Ramona manipulated her and wonders how much of their friendship has been a farce. The other ladies look just as worse for the wear.
On last night's episode of 16 And Pregnant seventeen-year-old former Mormon Karley Shipley welcomed TWIN girls.
Karley and baby-daddy-turned-husband Tony are polar opposites; they met when straight-A student Karley tutored tatted-up bad boy jerk (aka Adam Lind 2.0) Tony, who ended up dropping out of high school – but at least he got learning in the ways of love.
After finding out she was pregnant, Karley and Tony decided to get married and they moved in with her parents. She switched to homeschooling and abandoned her plans to pursue a scholarship to University of Utah while Tony works full-time at an autobody shop. Sounds sweet, right? Nope! Tony just can't get his priorities straight. It turns out the couple was fighting when Karley found out she was pregnant and Tony thought she was lying to trap him. And this sounds like the perfect time to get married, right? Stability 101! Tony is glad, however, because he thinks the situation has made him grow up. If last night was a grown up Tony, then that's astonishing.