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It would appear that Bimini isn't a place of relaxation or fun if you happen to be a member of the Real Housewives of Miami. Nope, instead it happens to be a place of arguments, backstabbing, and bitchery. Really, though a Housewife is capable of turning even a spa that has Valium-laced water into a place of chaos and crazy. 

Things began last night with Karent Sierra and her smile of denial continuing to see the RED RUM writing on the wall as a reminder to make mixed drinks. In short, Karent refuses to deal with reality. The next morning after learning that Rodolfo may or may not be dating a 24-year-old hottie she decides to just pretend all that yucky mess doesn't exist. I hope she's better at tackling dental problems than she is at dealing with real life. 

While Joanna Krupa and Lisa Hochstein would prefer to focus on their breakfast and making sure their hair and make-up look appropriately tussled and natural, yet perfect; Lea Black can take no more. She comes right out and asks Karent why she didn't defend her relationship to the other ladies after they accused her of faking it for the cameras. Karent just keeps that daft smile on her face. 

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Jersey Shore is drawing to a close, and I'm equal parts sad and relieved.  Okay, so maybe not equal parts…I'm more relieved than sad.  Just like the shirt before the shirt, tonight is the episode before the finale.  I am going to miss these crazy kids.  They love each other without question.  Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola, Vinny Guadagnino, Pauly "DJ Pauly D" Delvechhio, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Deena Nicole Cortese, and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, I'm honestly going to miss you.  Call me.  Seriously.  And God speed. 

I realize they are probably too old to be the party animals they are at this age (although that throws a wrench in my social plans), but they are still human, vulnerable, and fun-loving.  You can't help but relate to that…or maybe you can't, but I can.

On last night's episode, the boys have recently made peace with JionniJenni calls Roger who reveals that Jenni has been pot stirring about Jionni's mismatched relationships with the guy roommates.  Jenni isn't happy that Jionni says she's been talking crap about her.  Rawn is quick to defend Jenni although he knows what was said at the guys' night out.  Jenni decides to go straight to the source and calls Jionni.  She questions why Jionni thinks that she's been talking smack.  As far as Jenni is concerned, Jionni wasn't present for the first half of the summer.  He bends, she forgives, and the pair loves each other for the sake of Snooki.

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Last week on Top Chef Seattle, the unusual ingredient dishes were so disgusting that head judge Tom Collichio refused to give any of the chefs the $10,000 prize. As a result, several chefs were knocked off their pedestals and a few egos were bruised. 

Newcomer Tyler Wiard and returning chef C.J. Jacobsen were sent home for being the worst of the worst. While Tyler went out as humble as ever, C.J.'s whiny ways didn't do him any favors. 

Padma Lakshmi and Marilyn Hagerty, food writer for the Grand Forks Herald, introduce this week's Quickfire Challenge. Marilyn has been writing about middle-American restaurants for 30 years. About her career, Marilyn says, "It's been a hoot." Too cute! One day, I hope to look back on my career and say it's been a hoot. :) 
 
Quickfire Challenge
 
The challenge: each chef must create a sweet and savory holiday dish reflecting his or her cultural heritage. The cheftestants have only 30 minutes and must share one knife. The twisty mustache gets first dibs on the knife, so the other chefs get creative with graters, meat slicers, spatulas, pizza cutters, and busted scissors. 
 
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Last night's Teen Mom 2 was thankfully less dramatic than normal.  It was a refreshing break from the normal yelling and sobbing.  Of course there were tears (after all Chelsea Houska is still on the show!), but it wasn't the normal Jenelle Evans drama.  Kailyn Lowry ended a relationship while Leah Messer started a new one.  Over all, it was a relatively low-key episode.

Jordan is still distrusting of Kailyn when it comes to her spending time with Jo.  While I can see his point with her, I don't think he needs to worry about Jo…he seems to be well over Kailyn.  The following day at school, Kailyn chats with a friend about their love triangle…and there's that flipping feather in her hair!  Her friend wants her to try being single for a while.  Kailyn hasn't been single since she was fifteen.  She basically admits that she's with Jordan for support.

Jenelle is trying to put her anger towards her mom aside so she can spend time with Jace.  His second birthday is coming up, but she can't plan a party because she's too busy lunching with friends and worrying about her parole violation.  I'm guessing she's probably smoking a bunch of weed as well.  Jenelle has decided that she's going to quit smoking and send her probation officer an apology letter in hopes of avoiding jail time.  Her friend Tori promises to quit smoking as well so Jenelle won't have to be drug-free all alone.  Sweet!

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So what was going on last night, Bravo? A word of advice: If you can't air the storyline, then, you know don't air the story. But I suppose that would mean forgoing some major drama and they can't have that, can they?

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has made a case for going where no show goes before into the gory, depraved, salacious, and libelous department. And last night was no exception. 

Before we get to the good stuff let's discuss Splits Richards trying to show off that she's the new rich biatch in town. She's giving her 16-year-old, the one who couldn't parallel part last week, a brand new Mercedes coupe. That's the perfect first car to total, amirite! It's apparently because Mauricio is now raking in the dough big time with his new real estate agency. 

Personally, I'm really over the daughter driving story. I mean who is she – a Kardashian? Furthermore, those shorts are too short for a 16-year-old. I guess she's also taking fashion advice from Aunt Paris

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Can you believe that we've finally come to the finale of this season's Basketball Wives LA?  I feel like we've been watching the Jackie Christie Show for eons!  Am I right?  Needless to say, last night's show resolved nada, so we have to wait on pins and needles for the reunion!

We're back on Borboun Street, y'all, and Draya Michele is hella hungover, so she misses out on the cooking lesson with Laura Govan, Brooke Bailey, Jackie, Bambi, Malaysia Pargo, and Gloria Govan.  I'm sure that Draya planned it.  Jackie is visibly upset because she has just received a text message from her daughter regarding Laura's conversation with said offspring.  I can't tell if Jackie is wearing a make-shift beret or some kind of homemade sock hat.  Malaysia and Bambi are quick to wade in Jackie's drama pool.  Bambi is appalled at Laura's behavior.  Can someone please buy her a box set of last season's DVDs?

Over lunch, Jackie questions Laura about her intentions with her daughter.  The other ladies take their cues and leave the table so Jackie and Laura can hash out their differences.  Laura maintains a poker face while Jackie pleads her case about Chantal.  Laura admits that she originally spoke to Chantal to discredit Jackie, but after chatting with Jackie's daughter, she realized her anger towards Jackie was misplaced.  It was during her conversation with Chantal that Laura realized that she needed change her intentions.  Her master plan was to bring down Jackie, but after speaking with Chantal, she knew that revenge wasn't the answer.  Jackie is unsure of how to take Laura's confession.

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While the Big Rich Texas ladies were in New OrleansBonnie Blossman discovered that Leslie Birkland filed a police report against Jason. Apparently, Jason's altercation with Tyler at Leslie and Rip's engagement party left Leslie traumatized and concerned about her family's safety. 

The next morning, the ladies discuss the previous night's events, mimosas in hand. While the details of Bonnie and Leslie's blow up are crystal clear, the rest of the night is kind of a blur. Melissa Poe asks, "Did we kiss somebody last night?" Oh yes, she, Connie Dieb, and Cindy Davis most certainly did make out with complete strangers, albeit hot ones. Yay for alcohol!
 
Melissa explains that nobody went after Leslie the night before, but they're all anxious to hear her spin on side of the story now. The ladies set up camp in the living room and wait for Melissa to bring her downstairs. Turns out – Leslie is nowhere to be found.
 
Ah, there she is, back in Texas.Thankfully, neither Kalyn Braun nor Tyler has a job, so Leslie knows to look for them by the pool. "You guys are not gonna believe what happened to me," Leslie cries. "Bonnie's turned against me." Leslie adds, "I'm the victim! You'd think she would have been remorseful for what her husband did." Moving on, Kalyn asks for Leslie's permission to date Paul. Leslie is like, the old guy? (Pot, Kettle. Kettle, Pot.) The 28-year-old nerd?  Kalyn asks Leslie to at least meet Paul before she passes judgment. Leslie agrees.
 
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The teens on last night's Sister Wives got a bit of a reality check.  Maddie, Logan, and Aspyn are volunteering for an organization that helps families who want to leave the polygamist lifestyle.  They are traveling back to Utah to paint a house for a family to move into after leaving the LDS community.  Kody Brown and his hair hope that Aspyn will remember that plural marriage is a good thing.  Christine isn't on board with this trip because she wonders if there are times when people are are "helped" when they really don't want to necessarily leave.

Kody and the wives are optimistic that the teens will remember how different their family is from the families they are about to see.  Maddie can't fathom the abuse that some people in plural marriages suffer, and Aspyn is worried that she won't be able to relate to the victims.  Right away they meet a polygamist escapee Kollene who readily admits she wants to take out some of her anger on the Browns.  Kody is upset that Warren Jeffs has painted his lifestyle in such a bad light. 

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