Recaps

 lhh hollywood milan nikki hazel teairra

Last night’s episode of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood showed the men stepping up to the plate…or, at least a couple of them! After Miles revealed his secret to long time friend and one-time love Amber, she is leaning on friends and family for support. She can’t fault him for his feelings, and now she’s ready to hear Miles’ story. She calls him, and he admits to being with Milan. Amber is defensive and threatens to call Milan if he doesn’t come clean about the pair’s situation. He tells her that they are in a relationship, and she’s angry and hurt given that the three have often hung out together “as friends.” She warns him that she is going to get to the bottom of things…didn’t she just do that? 

Teairra Mari and Moniece are getting manicures after ruining their nails during their altercation with Princess. Teairra rehashes her heated conversation with Ray-J. She is so over him…at least for this episode. She is looking into getting liposuction so she can feel confident with her body. Who needs exercise? Moniece thinks that her friend needs to do whatever it takes to feel good about herself. Lil’ Fizz is once again watching son Cameron even though it’s supposed to be Moniece’s time with their child. Fizz loves every moment spent with Cameron, but he hates disappointing his son whenever Moniece is a no-show.

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Manzos and Scalias In Italy

Last night on Manzo’d With Children times were a’changin’ as Vito Scalia and Lauren Manzo told their parents it was time for them to claim some independence. Naturally that was just token gesture, and absolutely nothing will change. 

The Manzo-Scalia bunch is still in Italy. For their final night in the paradise of Caroline Manzo‘s 1/16th dreams they are amid the splendors of a villa that is both a working farm and a restaurant. Alas it will be a nightmare for Vito Sr. and Denise when their blessed miracle Vicotta tells them the worst news they could imagine: he doesn’t want children he’s planning to open his own deli in Manhattan. 

I’ll get to that in a second. 

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Woohoo! Reality Tea has gotten our K1 Visa approved to recap everyone’s favorite TLC trainwreck of a show: 90 Day Fiance! I got sucked into this unbelievably addictive show last season, and am already yelling at my TV each Sunday night (don’t judge!) as we wade into the season ahead, which promises to bring us more true love stories mixed up with a healthy dose of delusion, disillusionment, and grifting (can anyone say: Mohammed from season 2?). Let’s meet our players for season 3: Melanie and Devar, Mark and Nikki, Josh and Aleksandra, Loren and Alexei, Fernando and Carolina, and Kyle and Noon. Each of these couples must go through the process of bringing their non-US citizen fiancé to the country on a K1 Visa, which gives them exactly 90 days to get married. Let the countdown begin!

In episodes 1 and 2, we were introduced to almost all of the couples (at least in part), with the exception of Fernando and Carolina, who we’ll learn more about tonight. But before then, we pick up with possibly the most disturbing duo of all: 58-year old Mark and 19-year old Filipino native, Nikki. Mark raised four children on his own after his ex-wife, also Filipino, abandoned them years ago. So, he’s looking for love again…with a girl woman who is younger than all of his children, and could even be his grandchild. Mark’s daughter, Elise, thinks he should have a problem with this small little detail. Because she sure does.  

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sister wives adoption family photo

Last night’s Sister Wives continued the very anti-climatic adoption adventures of the Brown clan. The adults converge on the cul-de-sac to head to their attorney’s office. Kody Brown explains for the eighty-seventh time why he’s adopting Robyn’s biological children is so important. Robyn is concerned that her kids may have to take the stand in family court and that they won’t realize just how emotional it will be for the grown-ups. Meri discusses her conflicting feelings both before and during the divorce process from Kody. She admits that she’s had some surprising revelations she’s determined to keep hidden for now–Meri wants her focus to be on the adoption.  

Madison has an announcement, and she wants to meet with her dad, Janelle, and Christine. She explains that she’s already told her mom her big news, she wants to share it with her father and Christine. She states that while she loves Meri and Robyn, she has a special bond with Christine who was her stay-at-home mom. Madison begins by telling Kody that he’s going to be a grandfather. Stunned, Kody and Christine are silent long enough for Madison to assure them she was just joking. She’s in love, and it’s with someone the family knows. When Madison utters his name, “Caleb Brush,” Christine tackles her from across the room. She LOVES that boy! It’s sweet to see how happy Madison is as well. He’s the brother of her aunt, but not a blood relative. Caleb’s sister was Kody’s late brother’s wife. Christine wants to know if they are going to get married. Kody wants to pump the brakes. Isn’t Caleb ten years older than Madison? Madison reminds her father he’s eleven years older than her mother. She then calls Meri and Robyn over to share her excitement. It is hands down the happiest we’ve seen Meri this season.

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It seems like we blinked, and just like that, the finale of the Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In is here. We laughed, we cried. In a brief moral crisis, we wondered why we were laughing and crying (maybe that was just me?). But it all comes to a close now, as Teresa Giudice checks in for the last time on national TV before she is released in December from Danbury Correctional Facility.

Since Teresa has been locked up, Joe Guidice has been running the household. Which means he has been spending 100% of his time trying to control Tropical Storm Milania. After fixing a clogged sink for cutie-patootie Audriana, Joe heads outside where Milania is feeding rocks to the pond fish (because she spilled all of their food on the ground). Gabriella is attempting to discipline Milania, but she gives up quickly, knowing it’s a futile battle. Joe Gorga comments that he has to hand it to Juicy for taking care of these 4 little girls because “they’re not just normal girls; they’re tough!”   

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dont be tardy brielle slade

So, I’m going to go out on a limb here…Kim Zolciak Biermann wants oldest daughter Brielle to excel in Hollywood (attain her goals with no work, if you will), so she’s decided to make this season of Don’t Be Tardy Brielle’s swan song. Why else would the eighteen-year-old carrot expert and her beau Slade be featured so often? Three seasons from now, it’s going to be all about cursing KJ. The writing is already on the wall people!

Last night’s episode followed Kim and family as they spent the weekend at Slade’s folks’ lake house on Lake Keowee (my stomping ground when I’m home in the Upstate–and my friends with lake houses invite me for an always fun weekend on the water!). Before heading to South Carolina, Kim, who is clearly NOT sporting a new nose…not at all, Brielle and Slade meet with Kim and Kroy to discuss their plans for co-habitating in California. She can’t even make her point before Kroy is dying laughing and Kim saying she won’t fund Brielle giving away her milk for free. Maybe Slade can join her when he pops the question. Silly Kim, Brielle doesn’t drink milk! When she realizes her mother is making a sexual reference, Brielle is grossed out that Slade would want breast milk. Even worse than that statement? Kroy trying to figure out the “why buy the cow” analogy with the help of a producer.

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We made it, people! It’s the season 3 finale of Little Women: LA, and all roads lead to Hawaii, where Elena Gant and Preston are poised to renew their vows in front of family and friends. We’ve got an hour and a half episode ahead, so let’s get to it. We pick up right where we left off last week: in the mud. Christy McGinity and Briana Manson are facing off about Briana’s secret marriage to Matt. Terra Jole jumps in, followed by Tonya Banks, both calling Briana out on her dishonesty. Since Briana lied to them for so long, they all feel like their friendship with her has imploded. Plus, obvi, they still have issues with Matt. “He cheated on you and you’re okay with that!” Terra yells at Briana. “She must look at that picture a lot,” Matt snarks to Briana as Terra goes on and on. Terra thinks Briana is clearly being taken advantage of. 

Matt goes sideways with his next comment, writing off the ladies’ rant as, “Three b*tches, talking sh*t.” Shots fired, yo! Shots fired! Upon hearing these words, Tonya immediately snaps back into fighting mode, but asks Jaa if he’s going to defend her before she jumps into the fray. No, Jaa is not. Terra stands her ground, telling Matt he can call her a b*tch all day, but he’s the real a$$hole. “Shut up, Matt! You’re so f**king annoying!” screams Christy. Matt reacts by mimicking her back, just like any evolved 12-year old grown man would.    

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below deck ryan gosling

“And if I had a boat, I’d go out on the ocean; And if I had a pony I’d ride him on my boat; And we could all together go out on the ocean, me upon my pony on my boat…And if I were like lightning, I wouldn’t need no sneakers, I’d come and go wherever I would please; And I’d scare ’em by the shade tree; And I’d scare ’em by the light pole; But I would not”…set fire to the mircowave in the Eros galley. We know you wouldn’t, Lyle. We know you wouldn’t. You’re all welcome for my all-time favorite song that references a boat! 

As last night’s Below Deck begins, poor Amy Johnson decides to try on the last guest’s deserted hairpiece until she remembers it was sharing underwear space with Connie Arias’ Britney. Yikes. Speaking of hair, Eddie Lucas flirtatiously comments on Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow’s straightened locks, as Captain Lee Rosbach listens on in horror. What has kind of web of crazy has his innocent, hard-working bosun found himself trapped? Captain Lee expected better of you, Eddie. Frankly, so did I. Rocky brags about her Eddie hook-up to the ceiling, and the ceiling makes a crack about her being a loose cannon….the remark goes right over Rocky’s head. (I’m so sorry, yet so proud, of that sentence.)

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