Last night was the season finale of Teen Mom 2. Aaaahhh… Jenelle Evans oh my, my, my. Man every single season this girl does something to make me think less of her. I mean just when I think she can't top getting arrested for heroin after marrying someone she barely knows, she goes and makes a baby with another lunatic she barely knows not 3 months after having an abortion.
For all of that, I felt a little bad for Jenelle last night – if only because it became more than abundantly clear that she is not right. Nathan Griffithis a sociopath. Something is seriously wrong with him. We will be seeing him as the subject of a Dateline NBC mystery where he has done something truly heinous.
And also, this recap is sponsored (kidding, not really) by the maternity lingerie photo of Kailyn Lowry and topless Javi Marroquin that is framed above their bed. At least Snuffy was smiling and that may be the only smiling photo of her I've ever seen!
Quad Lunceford-Webb pays a visit to Lisa Niccole's house to discuss Dr. Heavenly's Black Tie fiasco. Lisa Nicole has a business partner who is a familiar friend (with another new face) – Dwight Eubanks! I hope his partnership with Lisa is more lucrative than his affiliation with She By SheBroke's fashion show. Dwight is looking good – his nose seems to have some added putty, his cheeks a little fuller, and he's rocking a fade.
They dive into the ludicrous behaviors of Mariah Huq – and her 'When Doves Died' outfit at Heavenly's. "What the hell," wonders Dwight. Exactly – the perfect way to sum up Mariah.
Last night Bravo was up to some chicanery – telling us Real Housewives of Atlanta's finale was an hour and a half and then tacking on some sit-down special with NeNe Leakes for the last 30 minutes. I have to admit NeNe basically ripping up Cynthia Bailey's friendship contract and making it acid rain all over the WWHL stage was far more entertaining than any old memorial for Kenya Moore's dog on what looked like Chateau Sheree's dirt patch vacant grounds.
So anyway, Kandi Burruss and Todd have been through a lot in their relationship, most prevalently they have dodged the mighty weave-wearing bullet of Mama Joyce and her Wal-mart wedges being thrown at them from all angles. Now that they've done a MJ exorcism by developing the play A Mother's Love together, it's time to talk prenup. Kandi wants one and wants one she shall have – so long as the requests are reasonable according to Todd. Basically both parties leave with what they came in with and split everything they accrued together down the middle.
Last night on Teen Mom 2 MTV let us down massively with only grainy footage of Nathan Griffith's DUI. Nathan (and Jenelle Evans) claim that since he refused a breathalyzer Nathan wasn't actually drunk, or something.
Before we get into all of that, Chelsea Houska is trying to be more mature with Adam Lind. Chelsea has come a long way, and the only strides Adam has made is ditching that recedehawk, because he's still a COMPLETE jerk! At Aubree's pre-school pageant he drags new baby Paislee along and is snappish to Chelsea while they do crafts with Aubree.
Later in the car with Taylor (new baby mama with double-ee named spawn of Adam) he complains that Chelsea isn't going to get be in control of his relationship with Aubree much longer. Um… really, Dumee? Is this before or after you get in a felony car crash or ditch your daughter at your parents because you don't get your way.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York, BookGate got "street", and thankfully no one was injured. And some other stuff happened. Finally.
We pickup where things left off at LuAnn de Lessep's BBQ. This season class with the countess means taking a backseat to drama and serving dessert while massive fighting occurs. And hats off (or should I say heads – heads bearing wigs) to LuAnn because in the midst of the melee she let them eat cakes. Yes, ladies, please this fighting is so gauche – literally where Heather Thomson is concerned – let's enjoy a nice tart instead. I've long been a fan of the mighty ego of LuAnn and this season she has truly reached her stride, she's let go of some of the pretense and she's more relaxed.
Last night's Dance Moms had my waterworks in full effect as Abby Lee Miller struggled with her mother's failing health. It's heartbreaking. As the episode begins, Melissa starts the water works with Abby after sharing that she'd been visiting with Mrs. Miller in hospice. Abby knows that her mother wouldn't want her moping around the nursing home, so instead she heads to the studio. The pyramid isn't going to reveal itself!
Nia is on the bottom for not being on the group routine. That's fair. Holly is furious. Kendall follows for her second place finish, and she can't even look up from the floor. Kalani is third from the bottom for minor technical issues. Kira is confused. Her daughter was part of the highest scoring duet. Clearly the girls' performance in the competitions has nothing to do with their spot on the pyramid. MacKenzie is third overall for balancing dance and her budding musical career. Chloe is second for her winning duet with Kalani. Kira's point has just been proven. Maddieis on the top for shining regardless of dancing a solo. Abby proclaims her the star of the group dance that she wasn't present to see. Abby wants to dedicate this week's competition to her mother. Both Maddie and Chloe get solos. MacKenzie won't be in the group number since she needs to focus on her music video, but Nia will be dancing with her peers…maybe. Holly wonders if Abby is taking on too much in order to escape her feelings about her mom. Why yes. Yes she is.
So I'm writing this (obviously) before the big Southern Charm announcement on Watch What Happens Live, but I'm going to predict that Thomas Ravenel is now a dad. I heard this weekend from a friend of a friend of a friend of Kathryn Dennis that the pair welcomed a baby last week. Kevin Bacon has nothing on the degrees of separation in a Southern town! I'm going to keep this prediction in my recap just to see…
Last night's episode begins with Craig Conover and Cameran Eubanks getting up early (separately) the morning after the Carolina Day party. After all, unlike their counterparts, they have jobs. Craig knows he needs to buckle down and focus on becoming a successful attorney. After coming home at a decent hour from the soiree, Cameran is ready for the day. She is walking South of Broad with her broker Eve and sharing the gossip from the fete. Eve gushes "T-Rav, oh my Lord!" and admits she spent some time with "that rascal" about fifteen years ago. This confirms Cameran's assumption that T-Rav gets older and older, but he always goes after the young ladies. The women tour his next-door neighbor's home for a potential sale. Is it just me, or is it weird that Cameran didn't know where T-Rav lived? The ladies head next door to call on T-Rav, but he's not home…however, there is a half finished lead crystal old fashioned of scotch on his window sill. Sounds about right.
Last night was the season premiere of Married To Medicine and things kicked off with a bang! Dr. Heavenly Kimes, dentist, not doctor, definitely brought her a-game in the drama department and wants it known she is not to be trifled with.
But let's begin with last season's drama! Mariah Huq and Quad Webb-Lunceford are not friends. There are varying accounts of why said friendship broke up, but one account is clearly rooted in the same deep-seated delusion that allows one to think lime green eyeshadow smeared up to your eyebrows looks hot. Yaaaaaas, I'm talking about Mariah!
While Quad is worrying about how to thwart Dr. Gregory's babymaking attempts now that she's quit her job to flounce around in lingerie, design dog clothes, and do photo shoots with designers to prove her divatude, Gregory has baby fever. Quad worries that since they've only been married a year she's not ready. Gregory points out that she's on the "backend of 30" and he is 13-years-older so no time like the present to ditch the condoms and get at it!