Last night on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills things officially went to the dark side. Kim Richards lost her marbles in a cesspool of deflection, hysterics, and venomous rage. Don’t fear the reaper, or the coming of wrinkles, fear the KimKillah – who will bring the wrinkles and the emotional eating out in force!
Can I snark at the total break from reality I just witnessed? Eh – I’m going to, so don’t you worry your pretty little heads – or you may need Botox!
As soon as the ladies check into to their Amsterdam hotel they are met by the reassuring presence of Lisa Vanderpump and Eileen Davidson, walking into the unknown pit of Kingsleys. Lisa Rinna calls them “a lifeboat.” Sadly, they will prove to be as effective as the Titanic lifeboats.
Immediately Lipsa fills them in on the time Kim ruined her experience riding on the YoDa Aeronautic Private JetPlex and she was put off the two bites of artisinal crullers she was about to indulge in – only because she heard they were artfully glazed with a natural form of botox made from a very rare fish found only in the Nile River, deep in the Heart Of Darkness. “You know,” purred Yolanda Foster, “It’s the only way I ever consume sugar.”
Well, the ALDC had a good run in Los Angeles, but it wasn’t good enough for Abby Lee Miller (what is ever good enough for her?). On last night’s Dance Moms, the team, the catty moms and the dance teacher from hell returned to Pennsylvania to continue their unique brand of drama. Holly is still fired up about Abby’s treatment of Nia in regard to Aubry O’Day and the Matty B video, and she’s upset with her fellow mothers for supporting Abby even when she was being completely unreasonable. Jill is on edge as well for being the only mom on Team Abby. Y’all know I’m not counting Melissa on that team as that’s just who she is. Back at the ALDC studio, the moms are tense as MacKenzie shares that she’ll be singing live in New York City. At least someone’s children are benefiting from Abby’s stellar management skills!
At pyramid, Abby berates her team for not being ready for L.A. She only coaches winners. Maddie is exempt from criticism because she wasn’t in the fray of insanity as she was busy guest starring on Disney’s Austin and Ally. Jill interrupts to remind Abby of her loyalty and hopes that everyone (read: Kendall) will now be in Abby’s good graces to reap the rewards in a quest for stardom. At first, I think Abby is going along with Jill’s flattery, but she quickly retorts that Maddie is the breakout because of Maddie’s talent (I’ll give Abby that for sure!), not because of Abby’s management. It must be hard for her not to take credit. Brynn is missing because her brother has serious diabetes and needs to be monitored. As Kira relays this news, Abby barks that they aren’t here to rip on Brynn. Um, Kira was simply stating that some things take precedent over dance, right? Kira can be a pot stirrer, but I don’t think that was her intention in this instance.
“It’s my party and I can be immature if I want to, bitch if I want to – you would tell lies and ruin people’s lives too if it happened to you!” So that’s the theme song for Vanderpump Rules and singing it in a beautiful, lyrical duet with perfect harmonization are Stassi Schroeder and Kristen Doute.
Lisa Vanderpump is ready for the annual SUR Photoshoot. To celebrate the ten-year anniversary she decides on a 50’s greaser theme, shooting at the old-fashioned Pink Motel complete with a drained cement pool, a pink Cadillac, and a whole lotta Aqua Net on display.
I love the theme, and Lisa wearing a white t-shirt, red lips, and killer 50’s cat-eye shades like the Madame of the Pink Ladies was (aka, Rizzo, after she married a rich mobster and starting running Staten Island) was amazing.
Since Super Stylist Stassi was unavailable to style people she doesn’t like, Lisa had to go ahead and hire a real professional, who can like do her job, put personal differences aside, and recognize the importance of client relations.
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop introduced us to the illustrious Astrid. In her thirty second scene, Amina Buddafly’s mother spoke more sense than anyone at anytime on this franchise…ever. I realize that’s not saying much, but this woman was on point. Can we have her at the helm of Love & Hip Hop: Hamburg?
As the episode begins, Yandy Smith is still reeling from fiancee Mendeecees telling her that Amir was in the hospital because she forgot to pick him up at school. Mendeecees is frustrated that Yandy doesn’t think his work is as important as hers. Why does he always have to be the one on carpool duty? Mendeecees doesn’t understand how he did anything wrong, and Yandy can’t understand how he can’t see how his behavior was that of a total asshat. His true colors are starting to show.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta some ladies got served retribution and others got served a taste of their own medicine – and some ladies need to take a seat at the kiddie table because they cannot play with the big girls.
Phaedra has several burly bodyguards to keep her safe in a fortress of delusion, just in case “gone asunder” means lurking in the bushes, holding a drill in a menacing way. (Apollo is scary and we did see proof of holes in the wall. Yikes!) Good thing Phaedra has her preacher arrive with a vial of holy water to exorcise this home of its demons.
Let’s see if Tamron Hall asks the tough questions. Following last night’s Sister Wives finale, Tamron sits down with Kody Brown, Janelle, Meri, Christine, and Robyn for a tell-all special on the season. she begins questioning Kody about his willingness to open his home to the anthropology students. Kody was upset to see that the professor automatically expected that there would be stereotypes in each wife, and Robyn finds it funny that people assume that the four wives are expected to make up one good wife instead of four separate and whole people. Christine and Janelle admit that it was refreshing and relieving to hear what the students thought of them. They didn’t know the students reactions to their family until they watched that with the rest of the viewers.
Tamron questions whether Kody was upset that he was expected to be a jerk. He laughs that he is a jerk because he always speaks his mind. Tamron clarifies that the students initially thought he was a jerk because he needed multiple wives to feed his ego. The family understands their misconceptions and was happy to see that they were quashed after spending time with the Brown clan. Yet another Brown family RV road trip is highlighted, more specifically Christine’s disdain for Kody’s friend Ken. Of course, Kody infamously blames his wife’s attitude on PMS. Christine admits that the episode was polarizing. Kody recognizes that his ego may have played into his inability to ask his friend to apologize for Ken’s insensitive comment. Tamron wonders why the idea of the long courtship was so sensitive to Christine given the fact that she and Kody have been married for over twenty years. Kody admits that after that episode he seriously considered pulling the plug on the show.
It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for (or at least that I’ve been waiting for…how sad is that?). TLC’s Sister Wives is going to fill us in on the secret behind Kody Brown’s divorce from first (and only legal) wife Meri. I can’t wait to see how they spin this situation. Like everything else surrounding the Browns, it’s sure to be extremely anticlimactic and involve some embarrassing lip sync performance. Let’s find out, shall we?
Because of the Oscars, it’s been two weeks since we last saw the Browns. The episode and season finale (finally!) begins with Meri meeting with her attorney regarding a split from Kody. She reveals that the family would really love for Kody to be able to adopt Robyn’s three children from her previous marriage, and in order for that to happen, she would need to be legally married to him. Aha! That’s it? She worries that should something happen to Robyn, the family would have no legal claim to her children. According to Meri, Kody and Robyn do not know she’s investigating this option. Her lawyer details the process–she and Kody won’t even have to go to court. There will be a ten day waiting period, and then Robyn can marry Kody. Meri’s only fear is that once all is said and done, Kody still won’t be able to adopt Robyn’s kids. After all they are a polygamist family and Robyn’s ex-husband would have to terminate his parental rights. Lots of variables there, folks!
On last night’s Little Women: LA, Christy McGinty and Todd Gibel get disappointing news about IVF treatment, Elena Gant’s mom arrives from Russia. While Elena pursues her fashion line dream, the ladies head out to see a little person comedy act, and yet another brawl ensues at Elena and Preston’s housewarming party. Can you guess who started the brawl? But of course, you can. It starts with a “T” and rhymes with…okay, it’s Terra. Duh.
Christy, Todd, Briana Mason, and Matt are at a carnival decompressing after last week’s mess. Since they’re not tall enough to ride the roller coasters, they settle for the more tam Tilt-a-Whirl and some games. Briana’s family is still concerned about Matt, but Christy’s assessment of Matt is good so far. Only time will tell on that front.